No One Ever Realized That They're Already Dead

[[August 9, 2008]] \Saturday\

♠ Jimmy’s POV ♠

I was in the kitchen, making lunch, when I heard the front door open and close. Ellamae came into the kitchen and took a seat at the table, pouting.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” I asked her. “Ivory not coming over for lunch?”

“No,” she pouted.

“Did you tell her I was making my famous mac and cheese?”

“Yeah,” she continued to pout. “Ivory just doesn’t like coming over here anymore. I think she’s mad at me.”

“Awe sweetheart, that’s not it. Ivory loves you. Didn’t she spend the whole day yesterday with you to help you in some skateboard moves?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” she answers not as sad but still down. “What do you think what’s wrong daddy?”

I shrug my shoulder, not sharing my true thoughts. “Don’t know. I’m sure it’s not you though. Don’t worry.”

She sighed, “I guess.”

I scooped some mac and cheese into a bowel and placed it in front of her and then got a bowel for myself.

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

“Bye daddy!” Ellamae called as she left.

She didn’t wait to hear my reply but I watched from my bedroom window as she safely got into Tiffany’s mom/dad’s van. Play-date.

Perfect time to go next door and talk to Matt. I had already called, telling him we needed to talk but in person. He was staying in with Val today so it was all good. I left my house, and walked next door to Matt’s. I didn’t really bother to knock but called his name once inside, gotta let him know I’m here… don’t want to interrupt anything.

“Living room!” I heard his voice call back. I make my way there and right away Matt asks, “So what’s up?”

“It’s Ivory,” I answer taking a seat in a chair.

“What’s wrong?” Val asked worried.

“Nothing,” I sigh. “It’s just… Ivory won’t come over to my house and she hates being around me. It reminds me of when she… first met you Matt.”

Matt nods. “I’ve been noticing it too. I honestly don’t have any clue.”

“Well Ellamae thinks it’s her. I told it wasn’t but I didn’t tell her it was because of me. I mean I have no clue what I did.”

The two of them think for a few moments before shaking their heads. “I don’t know man,” Matt answers. “Maybe it will just go away like with me.”

“Wait,” Val suddenly said. “Wasn’t it around the time that Ivory started talking to
Matt that she stopped talking to you Jimmy?”

It dawned on me. “You’re right,” I told her then looked at Matt. “What the hell?”

Matt just shrugged and repeated, “I haven’t a clue.”

“Shit,” I sighed. “I guess till then, I just better give her space and just have Ellamae come over here when she wants.”

“Sounds good,” Val nods. “We all know not to push that girl into anything,” she adds with a teasing edge in her voice.

Matt and I share a laugh. Oh yeah, we know.

[[August 24, 2008]] \Sunday\

♠ Ivory’s POV ♠

“D wake up,” I tell my older brother while shaking his shoulder. “Come on.”

“Go away,” he groaned turning over.

“Come on.”

“Nooo…” he whined.

“It’s double over head.”

“Wha?” he asks sitting up, now wide awake.

“Double over head,” I grin. “Hurry and get ready. It’s around 6 so just leave a note for Johnny and Lacey. Hurry up,” I tell him and then leave his room, quietly closing the door.

I make my way down stairs and outside. A few short minutes later, Damien’s opens his front door, his board in hand.

“Ready?” he asks while pulling on his wet suit.

“Ready,” I answer getting on my bike.

We both had these bikes with racks on the back of them for our boards. The boards had to rest a little bit against our back as we rode but that was no problem.

“Let’s hit it!” Damien tells me grinning after strapping his board on his bike.

“Oh yeah!” I grin.

Life is good.

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

“That was great!” I grin as I stop my bike in front of Damien’s house

“Oh yeah,” D agrees.

It must have been noon by now! The waves were going off today and there were dozens of surfers out today. We undid our boards then hosed them down on the lawn. After that we left them out to dry and headed into his house for some grub. That’s the only reason we left the beach! We were starving and forgot to bring food and or money to eat at the beach.

However, our mood died when we had to pass the living room to get to the kitchen. There was: Dad, Val, Johnny, and Lacey. They looked at us as we stopped in mid-step. They didn’t look happy but I have no clue why.

“Uhh hi?” I tired.

When they didn’t say anything, Damien gave it a try. “What’s up?”

“What’s up?” Johnny asked his eyes narrowing very slightly.

“Do you happen to remember our little deal Ivory?” my dad asked.

I thought about for a while, really I tried but just didn’t see what was wrong. “I… don’t remember.”

Dad was obviously trying to stay calm. “You’re grounded.”

“What?” I cried, my blue eyes widening.

“You too Damien,” Johnny add while Lacey nodded.

“What?” he yelled this time.

“What’d we do?” we both asked as one.

“We made a deal Ivory,” Dad said. “You’d wake me up if you wanted to go surfing early but no earlier than 7.”

“But it was double overhead!” I shouted.

“Don’t raise your voice at me young lady.”

“But dad—”

“No,” he interrupts holding one of his palms up. “We made a deal. You didn’t wake me and you left before 7.”

“But- but-… what about Damien? Why’s he in trouble?” I asked thinking to get my brother at least out of the mess I dragged him in to.

“Yeah?” D agreed looking at his adoptive parents.

“You don’t seem to remember me saying last night that you couldn’t go out today till you finished your report.”

Damien opened his mouth to argue but must have thought better than that and closed it.

Dang. Life Sucks.

[[September 12, 2008]] \Friday\

5 days later we were finally free… and Damien had no problem letting people know how happy he was about that.

“Freedom!” I heard once I turned the corner on my bike.

I laughed at my brother who was kissing his lawn. AJ stood on the porch, pretending he didn’t notice a thing.

“Hey!” I called and they both looked over. “Skate park?”

“Heck yeah!” they cheered.

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

“Do you think he should know?” I asked D after we got done dropping AJ off at his house and we were on our way to mine.

“He and what?” my brother asked.

“Samual,” is all I needed to say. (ME: I know it’s usually spelt with an E not an A but I know a guy with A and I like it ending with A.)

Damien stopped skateboarding and I stopped my bike. I waited for him to say something.

Finally he took a deep breath and then let it out. “I dunno,” he answers not meeting my eyes. “I don’t think he could take it. What about Randy, Theo, Oscar, Nikica, and Gail? Should we tell everyone about them too? You know what they’ll think of mom.”

My jaw tightens. “It’s not like they and everyone else don’t already think that,” I say remembering those punks that called my mother a whore (the skate guys she got in a fight with a lot of chapters ago). “She loved booze and sex a little too much. But that doesn’t mean Jimmy shouldn’t know he had a son too.”

“And what?” my brother yelled. “Should we also tell them about our 2 other sisters or what about our 3 other dead brothers?”

Tears started falling but I continued to yell, “It was just a question!”

Damien’s face fell and he got off his board, rushing to me and hugging me. “I’m sorry Ivory. I didn’t mean to yell but why are you asking now?”

“I’ve been thinking since I found Ella’s baby picture in his attic,” I said without thinking and once I realized what I said I froze.

So did Damien.

He slowly pulled back and looked at me. “What do you mean by that?”

I bit my lip and looked around, “Not here. Let’s go to the beach.”

[[September 15, 2008]] \Monday\

♠ Jimmy’s POV ♠

“Ok I can’t take it!” I shout helping myself into Johnny and Lacey’s house.

When I reached the kitchen they were looking at me confused.

Johnny took a sip of coffee before saying, “good morning.”

“What’s wrong Jimmy?” Lacey asked.

I sighed heavily and took a seat at the table. “Ivory wasn’t talked more than a dozen words to me in weeks and Damien’s been doing the same the last few days. What the hell did I do?”

Lacey and Johnny shared a look before Johnny said, “We’ve noticed. Everyone has. Maybe you should talk to them. Come by tomorrow, we’ll make sure they’re both here and we’ll leave. You guys can talk.”

\\ ♠ ♠ Elsewhere ♠ ♠ \\

“Ok, we’re decided,” Damien says.

I nod and look at the picture in my hand. “Yeah,” I said softly. “We tell him about Samual but not the others. He’s not their dad so he doesn’t need to know.”

“Agreed,” my brother nods.

[[September 16, 2008]] \Tuesday\

I once again helped myself into my band-mates house. I made my way to the noise to find D and Ivory watching TV, Johnny and Lacey sitting on the couch. They all looked up once seeing me enter. Johnny and Lacey just got up and left. I watched the kids watch confused as they left. I sifted on my feet as I heard the door closed. But then I straightened out; I’m the adult not a little schoolboy.

“So I said,” I in carefree manner. “We need to talk.”

The two kids shared a look and nodded before getting off their bellies and the floor.

“I just need to know what’s going and what I did that makes you guys avoid me like the plague?”

I watched as Damien forced a cough and Ivory sift on her feet.

“We know,” she suddenly says.

“Know what?” I asked.

“That… that our mom wrote you about Ellamae,” Damien said not meeting my eye unlike his younger half sister.

I feel as if the breath is knocked out of me.

♠ Dirty Little Secret: I was told but didn’t believe it.

“How?” I choked out.

“When I was 5-years-old,” Ivory began looking straight at me. “I walked in on my mom. She was drunk and thought I was Ellamae. She was sobbing about how she wrote my father and sent a picture and that you didn’t believe her and told her to get lost.” She paused before continuing. “Of course I didn’t know she thought I was Ellamae, I thought she was talking about me and my dad.”

She didn’t need to continue because it dawned on me. “Oh God,” I whispered more to myself then her. “That’s why you hated Matt. You thought he abandoned you.”

She just nodded anyway.

Damien continued, “Ivory told me a couple days ago. I was mad. We could have used that child support like Brent paid mom.” I don’t point out he finally said his birth dad’s name, well I’m pretty sure his dad’s name. He continues, “I got over it because of other things.”

“I didn’t get over to fast,” Ivory said and shrugged. “I hated you. Sorry.”

I sucked in my lower lip for a moment before saying, “That’s fine. If it helps at all I beat myself over it everyday thinking of all the things I missed with her.”

“We know,” Ivory nodded, “But that’s not why I’ve avoided you the last few weeks. It’s… because of something else. Something we think you s-should know.”

Her stutter got my attention since that’s a nervous habit of hers. My curiosity only increased when Damien did a double force cough.

“What is it?” I ask already dreading what’s to come.

I watched as Ivory walked over to her backpack and open it up. She grabbed something and then walked over to me, holding it out.

I looked down at the picture, a newborn.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“Our little brother, Samual. He died of a fever when he was 4 months old,” Damen said. “We were too young to remember him but mom told us about him.”

“I’m sorry,” I told them softly. The two shared another look. “What is it?” I asked.

Ivory didn’t meet my eyes but she said, “He was born March 10, 2000.”

I chuckled a little, “That’s can’t be. Ellamae was born that da…” I trailed off and looked at the two children that didn’t meet my eyes.

“We’re sorry,” Damien said.

“Mom only told us cause she was drunk,” Ivory said. “Ellamae doesn’t know and she doesn’t know about you knowing all those years ago.”

Their words are like soft echo’s in my head. All I can do is look down at the picture. Samual, my son. My son I never knew.

I stood up and mumbled out, “I have to go. We’ll talk later.”

‘My son,’ I thought again leaving the house.