No One Ever Realized That They're Already Dead

♠ Matt’s POV ♠

Well… Val’s not talking to me. I told her this morning and she slapped me and has been locked in our bedroom since.

♠ Dirty Little Secret:I’ve never cheated on you Val.

I don’t remember my kid’s mother; only that she’s the only woman/girl I’ve ever cheated on Val with. Only once I swear! That one time… fucking Karma!

“Matt.”

I turn in my seat looking at Val behind me. I slowly stand up. Her eyes are puffy and red. It breaks my heart. I slowly walk up over to give her a hug. I keep whispering everything is going to be ok and we’ll get through this, that I love her. And she cries onto my chest.

“I love you baby,” I tell her softly as her sobs stop.

“I love you too,” she whispers. “I’ll always love you.” She pulls back slightly to look up at me. “It was years ago. You were dumb.” I don’t respond since I agree. “Do… do you want me to come with you?”

She knew everything about the court and shit since when she locked herself in our room I talked to her through the door.

I hesitant before answering, “I don’t think that’s a great idea. I’d love for you to go but… Ivory has just lost her mother and it will be my first time meeting her.”

She nods and sends me a reassuring smile to tell me its ok. “You said you had a picture?”

I smile move away to the dinning room. Grabbing the picture from behind another I walk back to her and show her. And yes I’ve got the courage to look at it; I first gazed at it 15 minutes before telling Val.

“She’s gorgeous,” Val smiles at me.

I grin widely, “I know.

She smacks my stomach because my ego and merely says, “Let’s go get you packed.”

I kiss her once more on the forehead, “I love you Val.”

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

♠ Someone’s POV ♠

I nervously shake my leg while sitting in the airport with my lovely girlfriend. This was it. It was 10:30 and in 11 and half hours I may be a father. The kid was older then my girlfriend and I talked about but after Mr. Charles came to us and told us what was going on we couldn’t say no. I’d feel horrible if I was the cause that the boy couldn’t see his little sisters again. Apparently the three kids all have different fathers and the sister’s fathers are neighbors in Huntington and we only lived down the street and around the corner.

[color=FF6699]‘Fate,’ Lacey told me.

I nodded when she told me and still believe it. God doesn’t want these three to be spilt up. No way am I going against Gods will. Fuck no. That’s bad karma.

“What if he doesn’t like us?” Lacey asks from under my arm.

I look at her and smile, “He may not. His mom just died but over time… maybe… he’ll at least like us.”

“I don’t want to replace his mother,” she says more to herself than me. “Just give him a home.”

I move my head and kiss her temple. “We can only try our best.”

“Johnny? Lacey?”

Lacey’s and my head snap up. ‘What the hell?’I think confused.

“Matt?” I question and stand up. “What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t answer but asks his own questions, “what are you doing here? And going to Florida for?”

“What the hell?”

We all turn again.

“Jimmy?!” Matt, Lacey, and I ask shocked.

“What the hell are you doing here?” M and I inquire at the same time.

He gives us a look through slightly narrow eyes, “What are you three doing here? Going to Florida?”

Matt turns to me, “I asked you first.”

I shake my head no, “I asked you first.”

“Flight 313D to Clearwater, Florida. First class now boarding,” the speaker sounds.

“We’ll talk on the plane,” Lacey says grabbing her carry-on walking away to the ticket lady.

Jimmy, Matt, and I continue to just look at each other confused before Jimmy follows after my girlfriend. M and I soon following.

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

“Wait so your telling me your two are adopting?” Matt asks shocked.

We nod and Lacey specks up, “We haven’t told anyone yet but… we found out a couple mouths ago that… I can never have children.”

I kiss her cheek and Matt grabs her hand and Jimmy gently rubs her knee.

Lacey smiles a thank you and continues, “We’ve been trying for over a year. When we first started trying we said that if not pregnant yet when it hit’s a year we’ll go to the doctors. Well… surprise, I can’t have kids and we’ve been talking to child services rep about adopting a kid in need for the last 2 months. We want a boy and hopefully the judge will give us custody.”

Jimmy smiles, pats her knee, then moves his hand back to himself, “That’s great guys. What’s his name?”

“Damien Alexander Gold,” I but in.

“Gold?” both Matt and Jimmy yell.

We look at them startled while Jimmy and Matt look at each other.

“Oh God,” Lacey whispers in awe and we look at her. “You’re the neighbors.”

My eyes pop out.

“Lace,” Matt starts. “We know we’re neighbors. Every one knows Rev and I are.”

She and I shake our head, “No. You’re the neighbors that are the fathers to Damien’s sisters.”

“What?” Rev asks shocked and looks at Matt.

Matt looks confused, “What?”

“Matt,” Lacey says sternly. “Do you have a daughter and are you going to Florida to get her?”

He doesn’t answer for a moment, “yeah. Her names Ivory Amber… Gold.”

“Jimmy?” I ask him.

“Ellamae Ann Gold.”

“But…” Matt frowns. “I didn’t know my daughter had a brother and sister. Why do you three know?”

Jimmy shrugs, “I dunno. Mr. Charles may have let it slip to me.”

“Mr. Charles?” Matt, Lacey, and I ask.

“He’s the one that came and told us of Damien,” Lacey tells them.

“And the one that told me,” Matt says. “Asshole didn’t like me.”

“So wait!” I interrupt. “You both have kids… daughters… with the same woman?”

Matt’s and Jimmy’s eyes pop having just realized this. They look at each other with eyes still popping.

“Oh God,” Rev whispers and then groans. “This is so going to leak out.”

Matt runs a hand down his face, “I’m just worried about this. All of this. I never thought this would happen. What if she hates me? Blames me for never being there? She’s 9! She won’t think about the fact I didn’t know! Just the fact I was never there. She’ll hate me,” he whispers the last part.

Lacey wraps her arms around Matt to comfort him. Matt looks like a tough big guy and most of the time he is but he’s really a softly on the inside. Kids and Val are his weaknesses. Having his own kid maybe hating him kills him. And I when look around Matt and Lacey at Jimmy; his face mirrors Matt and I know his head is thinking the same thing.

We spent the rest of the flight talking of how Val and Leana took it and reassuring each other that we can do it. That it will be hard but we’re now in this together. Also we laugh at what Brian, Zacky, and our parents/ siblings will say. None of them know. Oh we crack up at the thoughts of their faces.

[[March 29, 2008]] \Sunday\

♠ Damien’s POV ♠

“Damien,” I hear my youngest sister whisper behind me.

I turn away from the mirror and look at her in my doorway. She was wearing the dress Mrs. Harold picked out. She was also clutching her tiger to her chest tightly. She hasn’t let that thing go since. Ivory and I of course understand. It was the last thing mother got her when we went to the zoo two days before her death. …Her death. Damn how fast 6 days pass. So fast that if feels like years.

Yeah…

That fast.

Ellamae sleeps with me at night and the first 4 nights Ivory did too. We all slept in mom’s bed. It smelt just like her. I look at the window real quick and blink away tears. I can’t cry in front of Ellamae.

Smiling I walk over to her and take one of her hands, “You look nice Ella. Real pretty.”

“Like mommy?” she asks sadly but also with a bit of hope.

I grin, “Just like her. Just as pretty as mommy.”

She smiles one of those rare smiles nowadays. “Thanks D. Should we go get Ivory? Mrs. Harold says it’s time to go.”

I nod and start walking with her hand still in mine. Walking to the room next door, Ivory’s and Ellamae’s room. I see my other little sister sitting on her bed, looking at a framed picture. Her favorite. It was us all at the beach last year. Ellamae was upside down laughing in mom’s arms, I was laughing on the ground while holding onto moms leg, and Ivory was on moms back laughing. Mom was laughing also as we attacked her. I can still hear her laugh when I go to bed. (ME: uncle took it at the time.)

“Come on Ivory,” I tell her with a soft smile. “Time to go.”

She looks up and smiles for Ellamae’s sake, “Yeah. Let’s go.” She looks at Ella. “You look really pretty.”

“Damien says I look as pretty as mommy.”

I squeeze her hand and smile at them both. “You both look as pretty as mom.”

\ ♠ ♠ [[Fast Forward]] ♠ ♠ \

I had talked to Mrs. Harold and her boss Mr. Charles last night when my sisters went to bed. They thought it best I knew what was completely happening so I wasn’t too shocked. My sister’s fathers have been found, in fact their neighbors and band mates. So I’m very relieved that they’ll be close. They also told me they found a couple to adopt me. I wasn’t to keen on that. I don’t think I’d be ever to be able to call them mom or dad. But they reassured the couple knew that and wanted to give me a home. Also the fact that won me over, I’ll live right down the street and the guy is a band mate to my sister’s fathers.

Fate.

As long as they understand my sisters are my main reason for living with them and I’ll never being calling them mom or dad. I wonder what band they’re in? Hell if I know. Mom’s taste in music is- was way different than mine and my sisters. She was always trying to get us to listen to her stuff but it was 3-to-1 so she had to listen to our music while we were together. I guess I regret not letting mom win more of the “music battle”. I only know one band well enough that my mom listened to… my fathers band. But he’s an ass so we won’t talk of him.

“Damien?” I bring my gaze away from the floor and up at Mrs. Harold. She smiles gently, “It’s time to go in and see the judge.”

“Will my dad be there?” Ellamae asks from beside me on the right.

On my left Ivory tenses.

Mr. Charles speaks up instead, “Sorry Ellamae but he’ll be in later. The judge just wants to ask you a few things. Don’t be scared. Nothing to worry about.”

Ellamae smiles, “I know. I’m a Gold and Gold’s are scared of nothin’.”

Ivory and I smile with a nod as to confirm our little sister’s words. It’s true. From the words of our mothers mouth:

“Gold’s stick together.

Gold’s are winners.

Gold’s are scared of nothing.

Gold’s never give up.

Gold’s endure during hardship.

Gold’s think, not rush.

Gold’s are warriors.

Gold’s… are Gold forever.”

“Gold forever,” Ivory whispers in my ear but stands up and starts walking into the courtroom.

I look over at Ellamae and smile, “Come on Ella. Time to go.”

She smiles at me hugs her Tiger, “Ok D.”