My Greatest Fear Is I'll Be Just Like Him

{::Fast Forward – Back to Present::}

Like father like daughter.

Those four words sicken me and strike fear in me all at the same time.

But they don’t any more.

Because it’s over.

Dead and dying people don’t have to worry about things like that.

Which is for the best I guess.

I remember when I started losing control. The one thought that consumed my mind was taking over. It was making me tense and bitter. I withdrew from my friends, and my family. I could have snapped. Didn’t they all know that? I had to keep them safe.

Poor Kei, I hurt him so bad.

His blood on my hands and body is always there.

I can still feel it all, covering me like a blanket.

No wait, that’s my blood. Losing too much, I’m dying.

It’s for the best.

Kei and the village will recover. They’ll know the truth soon enough if they already didn’t. Then they’ll all know and understand. They’ll know, it was for the best.

For them, it was all for them.

Our Hokage is strong and will deal with the truth well I think. Uzumaki Naruto will handle it. Honorable Naruto with his shy pretty wife, Hinta. Honorable Naruto will help his only child, Koori, understand why I hurt her teammate and true love the way I did.

It was for the best…

Because I was losing control. Self-control was slipping…

{ ~ Rewind: 13-Years-Old ~ }

I had just stepped out of the honorable 6th Hokage’s office and building, the mission was complete. Just like it should be. I’m ANBU captain and would stop at nothing to finish a mission. Well, I’d stop if my team was too hurt to continue. That’s not the way of the ninja, you’re suppose to complete the mission at any cost. But my team is very important to me. If one died… what will the village think? They’ll think I didn’t care and didn’t help them as one or some of them died. They’ll think I’m cruel and just like him.

And maybe I am.

Every kill used to only strike fear in me. Fear that I’ll be just like him. But no… now the kills ease my fear. I’m coming to realize, I need to kill. With every kill my anger at Itachi and the blood in my veins is lessened just in the slightest.

Maybe I am just like him.

A good noble ninja doesn’t grow calm and relaxed when they kill. They don’t sigh in relief as the blood covers their hands and weapons.

’I’m a monster,’ I think. ’I’m sorry mother. I’ll keep my demons in check as long as I can. And when it gets too much… I’ll leave. I won’t hurt you or my other loved ones. I promise you this.’

As my vow is finished, I find myself at my home. I greet my family members like I usually do when I return. Hug and then kiss moms check. Nod to Kakashi with a slight smile. Hug Kei as he kissed my forehead. Hug my little sister Emi, and wink at my little brother Isei. After that, I deny being hungry and head up to my room for some sleep. I have work tomorrow night.

~ Next Day ~

“Some one’s entered the village,” I mutter to my partner for the night. “He’s uninvited.”

“Well,” my partner drawled. “Let’s go pay him a visit.”

With that we dashed off to the unknown person’s charka. A ninja. When I saw him he was holding a young girl, 15-year-old, up against the wall by her neck. I didn’t have to think. I rushed forward and slammed his body away from the girl as my partner went to check on her. I stood in battle stance in front of the enemy with my partner and girl behind me. When he sent the girl off, I got ready for the fight that I know will come.

“Who are you?” My partner questioned as he reached my side.

The unknown ninja crackled a laugh. “Doesn’t matter you’ll be dead soon.” I chuckled low but he heard. “Why are you laughing punk!?”

“Because,” I smirked although he couldn’t see it through my mask. “If you don’t leave… I’ll kill you.”

Our eyes remained lock for a moment before his face got a slightly shock look them smirked. “I know you,” he said. “You’re Uchiha Itachi’s kid.”

I glare. “Yes. That should be warning enough to leave before I kill you.”

He crackled out a laugh again. “Like father like daughter.”

I… snapped.

Before the ninja could take his next breath, my weapon was in my hand and I was a hairs breath away from him. I slit that bastard’s sorry throat. Teach him not to utter those words again. But as I looked down at his dead body, it hit me. I cost the cool, I cost control.

“Junsei,” I heard my partner speck just before his hand rested on my shoulder. “You’re nothing like him.”

“I lost control,” I mutter slipping my bloody weapon back in it’s place. “I’m no better than my father.”

To kill and have no regret. To want to kill. Am I really just like him?

“Junsei,” my partner said in a firm voice. “You’re nothing like him.”

“I’d like to think that sometimes too.” I sigh. “Come on. I’ll go report this. Stay with the body till I send someone to clean it up.”

All he could do was nod as I dashed off.

I lost control… part of it sickened me while the other part… liked it.

~ Next Day ~

I was at the bridge. Just sitting on the beam and letting my legs hang over like I usually do. My thoughts focused on last night. What has happened to me? Am I losing myself? Am I turning into him?

“Junsei!”

I look over my shoulder to see my friend, Inuzuka Tsume, he was only a year or so younger than me.

“Hey Tsume,” I greet with a forced smile once he reaches me.

He knows its forced. “What’s wrong?”

I turn my head away from him. “I’m becoming more like him every day.”

He doesn’t need to know who I’m talking about but he asks anyway, “Itachi?”

“Yes,” I answer still looking at the water. “My greatest fear is I’ll be just like him.”

“You never could,” he answers, his voice sure of himself.

“How can you be so sure? How can the whole village know I won’t snap?”

“Thousands of reasons but one more than anything,” he specks. “You have a heart.”

“A heart,” I murmur. “Yeah… last night I lost control and killed a ninja. All he said was four words but I lost it and killed him without even trying or with any second thoughts.” At that I stood and hopped off the wooden beam.

“It’s your job,” he answered.

I chuckle a little but there’s no humor in it. “To kill? Yeah… and with every kill I’m more like him.”

Before he can say anything else, I disappear in a cloud of smoke. Tsume was a very close friend of mine but I couldn’t talk right now. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. My self-control was slipping.

And it scares the hell out of me.