Emptiness

My breathing had stopped, my heart had stopped, the world had slowed down. Everything stopped for just a moment, as I realized how serious this had become once again. Yes, Voldemort was back and his followers were more loyal than ever. It was confirmed fact.

My heart shattered, when I saw, right before my eyes Sirius Black take his last breath and fall into the veil. There was automatically an empty place left in my heart.

What was left of my heart was broken, when I saw Harry, James Potter's son, begin to lunge forward. I grabbed him around the chest, as tightly as I could, while he screamed and jerked away. With tears streaming down my face. I'd told him, "There's nothing we can do." My voice was breaking, and I was holding back sobs.

Harry wouldn't have it. He didn't believe it. He was more desperate to ignore it than I was.

After everything was over with, though no one else was hurt, I was desperate to cry my eyes out. No, I shouldn't be doing this. I'm a grown man, for God's sake, but it hurt. Physically, mentally, emotionally, everything hurt. My heart felt like there was a big whole and something was missing. The memories were flooding me.

During my school years, it was hard to ignore that I was increasingly falling in love with Sirius Black as the years passed. I wouldn't say anything to him, I never dared. Sirius was the one so concerned about me all the time, especially after he found out that I was a werewolf. He wasn't scared, or amazed, he would ask me things like, "Does it hurt...?" seemingly more concerned that surprised. Sirius was always at the hospital wing after I'd ended up hurting myself during the night of a full moon. It was Sirius' idea for the rest of them to become animagus to keep me company during the full moon.

Soon after we left school, he was thrown into Azkaban, and somewhere in my heart I knew he hadn't done anything. He never would've sold out James and Lily. James was his best mate. Twelve long years Sirius sat in Azkaban, more miserable then I can even fathom.

Less than a year ago, I'd see Sirius for the first time after Azkaban. No longer could I live without expressing how madly in love with him I was. It wasn't just a confusing time period of being a teenager. Teenage years had been long gone, and when I looked at him butterflies filled my stomach and I couldn't stop smiling.

Sirius took it very well, and clutched my hand on our way towards the Hogwarts Castle to turn Peter in for the crime Sirius had been blamed for.

As Snape had said that night, I forgot to take my potion. It was a full moon and I changed. Moony had no idea what was going on, but he hardly even recognized Padfoot. It was hard on my edge of consciousness I still had, but couldn't control myself for anything.

After Moony fought Padfoot, that was the last time I saw Sirius for a good long while. He did send me owls, and these other tropical birds that were bright and flashy. It was pretty sappy, most of the letteres were saying how much we'd always cared for each other, questioning if the other noticed. We didn't see each other again for another six months.

When James' son got accepted as a contestant in the Triwizard Tournament, we decided something was definitely wrong. Sirius returned to me.

We lived together while trying to figure all of this out. Deatheaters were leaving Dark Marks in the air, Harry in a tournament that could kill him? Something was wrong. Terribly wrong.

Our conclusion was Voldemort was coming back into power. The Ministry didn't believe it, and wouldn't publish it, even with the death of a contestant.

Hardly anytime was actually spent on developing our relationship, due to all these new worries. Members of the Order had gotten back together, and we began trying to figure this all out.

Though, his kisses weren't just I'm kissing you because I can, they were I'm kissing you because I care about you, and I love you. His touch, no matter what or where, was always full of such tenderness and love for me. I only wished I could've told him much earlier the way that I felt for so many years. He didn't think I was mental, he felt the same way. Our moments together made us forget all the worries for the moment.

Now, as I crawled into the bed we had shared the night before, all I have is a memory haunting me in a taunting way. The bed still smelled like Sirius, which was all the more memory to taunt me.

Peter became a traitor, James and Lily got killed because of it. After Sirius' death, I'm the last marauder left. I'll see to the death of Lord Voldemort, and I'll be by Harry's side. Not only will we be avenging the deaths of our loved ones, we'll find peace and hope for this generation.

Brothers, rest in peace. Sirius, I love you.