Lullabies
1,177.
“Just do me a favor.” His thumb gently caressed her smooth, flawless cheek. “Don’t let yourself get in over your head. You know you have a tendency to let that happen.” His brown eyes displayed a mixture of anxiety and concern.
“You’re talking like I already have the job.” A small giggle slipped from between her lips as she placed her hand over his. “But, if you will make you feel better, I won’t. I promise.” She nodded her head in confirmation.
“Thank you,” He gently kissed her forehead, his sweet breath washing over her face. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” His free hand captured hers, squeezing it softly.
“Do you want to remind me again how I got so lucky?” Because of their difference in height, she was forced to look up at him, using this advantage to carefully study each and every small feature of his handsome face, almost as if it would be the last time she would see him again.
“I think it’s the other way around babe,” he chuckled, looking down into her sea green eyes before sweetly pecking her lips. “In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever get any luckier.”
He had no idea how true those words were.
_______________________
”We can make this work. I know we can.” She looked down at their interlocked hands, noticing how perfectly their fingers laced together. This was another small, insignificant detail that showed the compatibility between Rian Dawson and Audrey Lambert.
“I want to make it work. I don’t want to lose you. It’s just-“ Rian stopped suddenly in the middle of his sentence as he saw the tears forming in her eyes. “Hey, hey, there’s no need for that. Don’t cry baby.” He opened his arms, enveloping her in them, her free falling tears soaking the front of his black Glamour Kills t-shirt.
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” She choked out between sobs, her hands clutching the thin material covering his chest. She didn’t want to let him go, not now, not tomorrow, and certainly not in two weeks when she would be forced to relocate to New York as part of her new job. Rian’s band had already put enough strain on their relationship and now she was leaving, leaving the one place where he could always find her.
“No, don’t apologize. We’ll make this work.” His voice was soothing, comforting as he rubbed small circles into her back. Rian wasn’t stupid. He knew that Audrey was the best thing to ever happen to him and he wasn’t going to let her go, not this easily. He wasn’t going to kid himself either. He knew it would be hard, especially coming home, but he was going to make this work if it was the last thing he did.
“Promise?” Audrey looked up, mascara and tear tracks staining her cheeks. Even with her eyes and nose red from crying, she was still beautiful; beautiful and scared. To be honest, she had never been more scared in his life. She couldn’t lose Rian, she just couldn’t.
“I promise.”
And that was that.
______________________
“You have no idea what kind of stress I’m under! Don’t you dare blame me for this!” Her words were high, shrill. The tone didn’t suit her, not at all.
“So this is all my fault? If that’s what you think then you’re fucking lying to yourself. I’ve tried. You’re the one who didn’t keep your end of the bargain!” He screamed, rage evident in his voice.
“Since when is our relationship a bargain Rian!” She snapped as tears streamed down her cheeks like so long ago. “I didn’t know that it was such an inconvenience for you!” Her hands made their way to her tangled, chestnut hair, pushing it out of her face.
“I’ll tell you what’s an inconvenience! Calling your phone every day and having you never answer, leaving you countless voicemails and having you never calling me back, texting you, e-mailing you, trying every fucking form of communication and getting no response! That’s a fucking inconvenience!”
“You just don’t understand! I’m under so much stress at work. You don’t know how many people I have relying on me! You don’t know what I have to do! I’m busy!” Audrey slammed her hands against the pale yellow walls in frustration. No matter how she explained it, he just didn’t understand.
“Well, since you’re obviously too busy for a relationship, why don’t we just end it right now!” His arms swung out to his sides, almost daring her to disagree. As much as he hated to do this, he knew he had to. Rian Dawson was sick of being in a one-sided relationship. He was sick of trying to keep them together while they continued to fall farther and farther apart.
Audrey’s jaw immediately fell slack. The words he had just uttered repeated themselves over and over again in her mind. Never had she thought this day would come. Sure, she and Rian fought, he was never around and they rarely talked but still, life without Rian in it was just….unthinkable. “Are….are we breaking up?”
“Yeah Aud, I think we are.”
And just like that, Rian Dawson walked out on Audrey Lambert.
For good.
___________________
Audrey couldn’t sleep. It had three years since Rian had left her, but on nights like these, the memories came flooding back uncontrollably, like a gust of water breaking through a dam. But that was nothing compared to the regrets. She had plenty of those, such as letting him leave, not calling him back, even taking the job in the first place.
This isn’t to say her life is miserable. In fact, Audrey Lambert was one of the most successful women in New York City. She had the most people would kill for, but she didn’t have Rian, and that was no life at all. She felt the tingle in her eyes before she felt the cool saltwater leaking out of the corners.
She had tried to contact Rian after the breakup, but he never returned her calls, ceasing any and all forms of communication, forcing her to resort to the media for information. She now knew that his band had hit it big, performing on Conan O’Brien and MTV, playing sold out shows all over the United States. Although it wasn’t confirmed, she suspected he had another girlfriend as well. Any other girl would be a fool not to snatch him up.
The glowing light of her alarm clock showed her that she had to be awake for work in four hours. With a small sigh, she reached for the iPod resting on her nightstand and stuck the buds into her ears, letting the soothing voice of Alex Gaskarth sing her to sleep. This was what she had come to, counting on her ex-boyfriend’s band to put her to sleep at night while thinking about what might have been.
Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams
Waiting to say, I miss you, I’m so sorry
“You’re talking like I already have the job.” A small giggle slipped from between her lips as she placed her hand over his. “But, if you will make you feel better, I won’t. I promise.” She nodded her head in confirmation.
“Thank you,” He gently kissed her forehead, his sweet breath washing over her face. “You have no idea how much that means to me.” His free hand captured hers, squeezing it softly.
“Do you want to remind me again how I got so lucky?” Because of their difference in height, she was forced to look up at him, using this advantage to carefully study each and every small feature of his handsome face, almost as if it would be the last time she would see him again.
“I think it’s the other way around babe,” he chuckled, looking down into her sea green eyes before sweetly pecking her lips. “In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever get any luckier.”
He had no idea how true those words were.
_______________________
”We can make this work. I know we can.” She looked down at their interlocked hands, noticing how perfectly their fingers laced together. This was another small, insignificant detail that showed the compatibility between Rian Dawson and Audrey Lambert.
“I want to make it work. I don’t want to lose you. It’s just-“ Rian stopped suddenly in the middle of his sentence as he saw the tears forming in her eyes. “Hey, hey, there’s no need for that. Don’t cry baby.” He opened his arms, enveloping her in them, her free falling tears soaking the front of his black Glamour Kills t-shirt.
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry.” She choked out between sobs, her hands clutching the thin material covering his chest. She didn’t want to let him go, not now, not tomorrow, and certainly not in two weeks when she would be forced to relocate to New York as part of her new job. Rian’s band had already put enough strain on their relationship and now she was leaving, leaving the one place where he could always find her.
“No, don’t apologize. We’ll make this work.” His voice was soothing, comforting as he rubbed small circles into her back. Rian wasn’t stupid. He knew that Audrey was the best thing to ever happen to him and he wasn’t going to let her go, not this easily. He wasn’t going to kid himself either. He knew it would be hard, especially coming home, but he was going to make this work if it was the last thing he did.
“Promise?” Audrey looked up, mascara and tear tracks staining her cheeks. Even with her eyes and nose red from crying, she was still beautiful; beautiful and scared. To be honest, she had never been more scared in his life. She couldn’t lose Rian, she just couldn’t.
“I promise.”
And that was that.
______________________
“You have no idea what kind of stress I’m under! Don’t you dare blame me for this!” Her words were high, shrill. The tone didn’t suit her, not at all.
“So this is all my fault? If that’s what you think then you’re fucking lying to yourself. I’ve tried. You’re the one who didn’t keep your end of the bargain!” He screamed, rage evident in his voice.
“Since when is our relationship a bargain Rian!” She snapped as tears streamed down her cheeks like so long ago. “I didn’t know that it was such an inconvenience for you!” Her hands made their way to her tangled, chestnut hair, pushing it out of her face.
“I’ll tell you what’s an inconvenience! Calling your phone every day and having you never answer, leaving you countless voicemails and having you never calling me back, texting you, e-mailing you, trying every fucking form of communication and getting no response! That’s a fucking inconvenience!”
“You just don’t understand! I’m under so much stress at work. You don’t know how many people I have relying on me! You don’t know what I have to do! I’m busy!” Audrey slammed her hands against the pale yellow walls in frustration. No matter how she explained it, he just didn’t understand.
“Well, since you’re obviously too busy for a relationship, why don’t we just end it right now!” His arms swung out to his sides, almost daring her to disagree. As much as he hated to do this, he knew he had to. Rian Dawson was sick of being in a one-sided relationship. He was sick of trying to keep them together while they continued to fall farther and farther apart.
Audrey’s jaw immediately fell slack. The words he had just uttered repeated themselves over and over again in her mind. Never had she thought this day would come. Sure, she and Rian fought, he was never around and they rarely talked but still, life without Rian in it was just….unthinkable. “Are….are we breaking up?”
“Yeah Aud, I think we are.”
And just like that, Rian Dawson walked out on Audrey Lambert.
For good.
___________________
Audrey couldn’t sleep. It had three years since Rian had left her, but on nights like these, the memories came flooding back uncontrollably, like a gust of water breaking through a dam. But that was nothing compared to the regrets. She had plenty of those, such as letting him leave, not calling him back, even taking the job in the first place.
This isn’t to say her life is miserable. In fact, Audrey Lambert was one of the most successful women in New York City. She had the most people would kill for, but she didn’t have Rian, and that was no life at all. She felt the tingle in her eyes before she felt the cool saltwater leaking out of the corners.
She had tried to contact Rian after the breakup, but he never returned her calls, ceasing any and all forms of communication, forcing her to resort to the media for information. She now knew that his band had hit it big, performing on Conan O’Brien and MTV, playing sold out shows all over the United States. Although it wasn’t confirmed, she suspected he had another girlfriend as well. Any other girl would be a fool not to snatch him up.
The glowing light of her alarm clock showed her that she had to be awake for work in four hours. With a small sigh, she reached for the iPod resting on her nightstand and stuck the buds into her ears, letting the soothing voice of Alex Gaskarth sing her to sleep. This was what she had come to, counting on her ex-boyfriend’s band to put her to sleep at night while thinking about what might have been.
Sing me to sleep, I’ll see you in my dreams
Waiting to say, I miss you, I’m so sorry