What More Can I Give?

'Deja Vu, much?' I wondered as I looked up into the brown eyes of the man that I once again fell for.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be on tour?" I asked.
"I have a few days off. I wanted to come and give you a Happy Birthday," Michael smirked at my stunned face.
"Uh, okay."

I nervously laughed, walking away and into the play room where the twins and other children were playing at. I took a sip of my Pepsi and set it down on a near-by counter. My feet led me to the twins and I grabbed onto each of their hands, guiding them away from their building blocks. I looked down to see their smiling faces staring at Michael happily. I sighed and looked towards Michael for help, nodding my head towards the stairs. The corners of Michael lips lifted into a slight smile. He took a hold of Malina and we all made our way up the stairs, into my room, walking into the nursery.

Michael and I placed the twins into their own separate cribs and stood awkwardly in the lightly dimmed room, keeping an eye on the small children.

"So this is what it's like to be a father," Michael whispered sadly. His eyes were casted down onto Malina who's eyes were slowly dropping. "I've never imagined it to be so peaceful and so..." Michael trailed off. His eyes met mine with a faint lonely look in them.

"You don't realize how much I've missed these two, Katrina." Michael started again, averting his eyes away from me again. "These two were my world. My everything. Why did you have to take them away from me?"

"I didn't mean to do it. I-I just thought that maybe when I left, you would forget everything about us and just move on."
"How could you ever think that? These are my own flesh and blood. I helped you bring them into this world, and you expect me to just forget them like yesterday's news?"

Michael's words were not of anger, but something more. Something that plunged deep into my guilty soul, wishing that I had never done that mistake. Wishing I could take back every hurtful word, every bad memory, every upsetting emotions that I might have constricted into him.

"I didn't know what I was thinking, Michael. Everything was just so confusing at that moment that I just had to get everything out of the way."
"So you had to get the twins out of the way?"
"No. I had to get the problem out of the way. I just didn't want the twins to be involved."

I walked out of the nursery, running my hands through my hair frustratedly. Michael followed shortly, closing the door to the babies' room quietly. He stared at me with hard eyes, and I stared back with the same intensity.

"This is some Happy Birthday," I muttered.
Michael sighed with a frown. "I didn't come here to ruin your party. I just wanted some answers."
"Go right ahead."

"Don't lie, okay?" Michael demanded softly.
"Sure, sure."
"I'm serious. I want a straight, honest answer."
"Okay. I promise I won't lie."

Michael took a moment to get his thoughts organized before starting with his first question.
"Do you still think I never loved you?"
"No."
"Have you ever thought that I never loved you?"
"Not until I saw the kiss."
"Do you still think it's true?
"Maybe."
"Give me more than that," Michael told me.
"I don't know, Michael. I don't know what to think anymore when things come to you."
"Fine....do you still love me?"

My eyes fell upon Michael's face. His eyes stared into mine, waiting for my answer with patience. I felt my heart pound against my chest, my palms were getting sweaty, and I felt as if I was under surveillance.

"Next question," I choked out.
"No...do you still love me?" Michael urged.
"Next question, Michael."
"Katrina, you obviously know my true feelings. You know I love you, but I need to know how you feel. I need to know you feel the same way."
"And if I don't?"
"I'll leave you alone. And the twins."

My breathing stopped for a mere second. I didn't want him to do that. I didn't want to go through life without him. I knew I loved him with all my heart and I'd give my soul up for him, but could I really lie in front of his face and tell him I didn't love him anymore? Could I really inflict this kind of pain onto both of us and deal with it as a burden?

"I-I-I...I'm sorry," I whispered as I could feel my tears start to prick my eyes.
Michael's frown appeared onto his face and he nodded slowly. He began to walk towards the door, his shoulders slumped and near tears.

"I do love you," I whispered so quietly, that Michael had to strain his ears to hear. He did in fact hear it and he turned around on his heels, a confused expression etched on his beautiful face.

"What?"
"I said...I love you," My voice cracked.
Michael's smirk came back onto his face as it brightened with a new profound love.
"You love me?"
"Yes."
"Are you positive?" Michael's smirk grew as he took a step closer to me.
"Yes."
"Sure?"
"Yes."
"Really?" He was now in front of me, taunting me with his smirk.
"Yes. Now shut up and kiss me already!"

Michael's hand went to the back of my neck and pulled me in to kiss his lips. We didn't bother for permission to enter each other's mouth as our tongues met and danced together. A moan of pleasure escaped from my lips and Michael giggled. I started to walk backwards with my lips still attached to his until I felt the back of my legs hit the bed. Michael's hands traveled down to my buttocks. He squeezed as hard as he could, earning a long groan from me. Michael lifted me onto the bed and his lips began to make their way down to the crook of neck. He planted sweet butterfly kisses along my neck and then stopped at his favorite spot to give me a love bite. My eyes went into the back of head as I moaned softly. His hands slowly undid the first three buttons of my blouse, showing off the bra that I wore that night. His hips started to push up against me as his eyes found the fabric that held something he wanted. My own smirk had been implanted onto my face and I did the most idiotic thing that I could have ever done.

I pulled away from Michael as he caught his breath in shock.
"I still remember the bet, Michael. I'm not giving in." I nibbled on his ear seductively.
"Huh?" He murmured.
"The bet? Remember?" I giggled.
"Oh, the bet." Michael stared at me with pursed lips.
"I'm not losing it. I never lose."
"But you just did," Michael smirked.
"You're crazy! No I didn't," I defended.
"Yes, you did. You said you loved me. You caved," Michael smiled.
"I hate you," I mumbled.
"Nu-uh! Too late. You said you loved me. You can't take it back."
"You're so immature."
"But you love me!" He sang.

Michael was right. I did and still do love him. No matter how hard I try to deny it, it's still very true and always will be. He stole my heart on Day one and he still has it in safe keeping.
But do you know what's so ironic, that I just can't believe?

We never got back together that night....