Deviation

Leaning against my car, I looked at the Jared’s parents’ house. It was a nice, two story house with a light brown paint covering the outside walls. Mrs. Monaco took pride in her yard work. She had beautiful flowers sprouting from the dark soil beside the doorstep and deep green grass that seemed to have been freshly trimmed.

The backyard was a different story. Mr. and Mrs. Monaco were known for hosting rather lavish parties. Whether it had been just a small business party or a full-on bash thrown by Jared, they were always held in their backyard.

The Monaco backyard was a dream. Decked out with a beautiful pool and Jacuzzi, all out Tiki-Hut grill, bonfire and swing set, it was rare for the group to never have anything to do. ‘When it doubt, go to Jared’s,’ had been the group’s philosophy since I could remember. Today was no different.

I seemed to be the last one there. Everyone’s cars were parked outside, from Garrett’s bright yellow Chevy to John’s old, black BMW. I could even hear a few splashes and loud talking from the infamous backyard. But I wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of my black Jetta. On the way here, with Camera Obscura playing softly in the background, I let my mind wander and think of what could happen at Jared’s.

Hannah would no doubt be there, dressed in a small, stylish bikini, her blonde hair bouncing about within the outskirts of the pool where she could sit to dip her feet in. John and Garrett would be playing basketball inside the pool with a small mesh toy ball and the small, toy basket sitting on the outside of the pool. Jared and Pat would be barbequing and having some odd discussion about which animals would “own in a battle of physical obstacles and wits.” Jessica and Rachael would be tanning on the set up lawn chairs as they talked about hair dyes and upcoming events to go shopping for. And I’d be stuck with Kennedy as he tried to pry out the news about my non-existent life.

These negative assumptions passed through my head and an unknowing sneer appeared on my face. I brought the cigarette to my lips, taking a long drag. My eyes looked towards my black sandals as the smoke escaped from my mouth and blended in with the summer air. I didn’t want to go inside. I wanted to get back into my car and drive back to my house, to the safety of my cat and away from the happy couple I always dreaded seeing.

“Why the hell are you just standing out here?”

I jumped a little, snapping my head up to see a confused Kennedy standing before me. His hair was wet and dripping but he had a white muscle tee on along with his swimming trunks. I glared at him from behind my aviator sunglasses, “Thanks for scaring the living shit out of me.”

Kennedy laughed. He always found my ‘attitude’ as John used to call it to be amusing. But then again, I never understood Kennedy’s humor, even when we were younger. He leaned against my car beside me, “What’s up? Why aren’t you coming inside?”

“Just wanted to smoke my cigarette in peace,” I half-way lied. Jared had no problem with any of us smoking in his backyard. But Hannah hated the smell of smoke and would always cough obnoxiously loud as if it was some secret, nice way of telling us to stop. The other smokers would always kindly walk else where and finish their cigarette. I, on the other hand, never really cared.

“My ass,” Kennedy muttered as he grabbed the cigarette from me and took a drag. I rolled my eyes and took it back, taking the last drag and then dropping it onto the road. I let the bottom of my sandal burn out the last of the burning tobacco before lifting my body from my car.

“Okay, let’s go,” I said as I began walking to Jared’s side yard door. Kennedy caught up quickly, his long legs working to his benefit and let one of his long, lanky arms drape across my shoulders. The smell of chlorine filled my nose as he opened the door for me and let me in first.

“Look who finally decided to grace us with her presence,” He called loudly into the backyard. As we came into view, I saw Jared, Pat and Hannah looking our way. I rolled my eyes again, though nobody could see, and smacked Kennedy’s arm off my shoulders before walking farther in and dropping my bag by the porch swing.

“Well finally,” Hannah called. I could hear the water move about from where she sat just a few feet away. My body tensed as she came closer, but I just pretended to be busy and grabbed my phone, cigarettes and lighter out of my bag. Her sugar sweet voice rang in my ears, “Jessica told us that you texted her and said you were close a half an hour ago. I was worried.”

It was true, I had texted Jessica saying I was near the Monaco home even though I was still debating whether I wanted to wear my bathing suit or not on my bed at home. She knew I was fibbing but I guess failed to mention it to the rest of the group.

“Yeah, just had a make a stop to fill my car with gas and grab another pack of cigarettes,” I lied, smiling. Hannah’s deep baby blues gave away her flash of quick uncomforted feelings but she quickly regained the usual sparkle.

“Oh, it’s fine. I mean, after ten minutes when I asked where you were, John told me you’d be late. He said you always did this,” She laughed. Although the sound was light and joyful, the smile on her face didn’t match. It looked as forced and nervous as mine.

I ignored it though; the feeling in my stomach was too prominent for me to focus on anything else. I looked behind Hannah’s tall, slim figure and glanced at John. His long arms were up in the air, blocking Garrett’s shot. Even from this distance, I could still see the dots of water along his shoulders and back.

“But now that you’re here I can finally ask you an important question.”

My eyes darted away from John’s tanned body and to Hannah’s calm face. Her words echoed in my head. What could she possibly have to ask me? To have lunch again, I assumed. Could she not get the hint?

Her small hand lightly closed around my wrist and she dragged me over to the deeper end of the pool where nobody was. I felt my wrist tug away from her grasp but she didn’t show that it bothered her. She sat down and let the water swallow her feet. I stared at the spot next to her, my mind not with me.

My body felt numb – I had never really been with Hannah alone before. The week her and John became official was the only time I had let her take me aside. She told me, in a bedroom at party, that she knew it would be hard for me to see John with her and that she hoped we could still be friends. I was, to the say the very least, rather offended but I shrugged it off and told her that John and I were long gone and I couldn’t be happier for him. When I told Jessica this, her initial response was a quick laugh in the face before she yelled, “And she believed you?”

Hannah looked up at me, her inviting smile making my insides churn with displeasure, and patted the cement beside her. Slowly, I lowered myself to the ground and dipped my feet in as well. Hannah let out a big sigh but I kept my eyes on the clear water. Her Barbie pink toe nails kept catching my eye.

“So Karma,” She started, her feet swishing about in the water. I could feel the pressure against mine. I closed my eyes behind my aviators, wishing for this moment to be over. I would rather have been with the Jessica and Rachael, discussing which colors are absolute must-haves for heels. “I’m meeting John’s parents tomorrow. It’s our official one year anniversary and well I – I’m so nervous!”

I thought for a moment that my heart stopped. Words wouldn’t form. My thoughts were a jumbled mess. I felt light-headed. She was meeting Mr. and Mrs. O’Callaghan after a year. And they would love her.

She would ask Mrs. O’Callaghan if she needed help cooking or cleaning and laugh at all of Mr. O’Callaghan’s lame jokes, hushing John’s melodramatic groans. She was closer to Ross’s age and was attending Arizona State; they’d probably bond over their common school. And Shane would probably be so awe-struck by her beautiful summer looks, he’d fall in love with her from the moment she shook his hand.

“Can you help me out? I don’t know what to expect. I don’t know what would be appropriate to wear. John says it’ll be fine, but you know John. He always says what you want to hear,” Hannah went off into a ramble. I tuned her out after a while, my heart suddenly racing. What part of her thought this was okay; talking to an ex-girlfriend about this subject? Did she honestly think we were actually friends?

“I – I don’t know what to say,” I mumbled, the words sounding like a mesh of noises in my ears. I wanted to pause everything and return back to my car. To my home. Rewind to the nights I spent at John’s, with his family treating me as if I was a part of the O’Callaghan’s already. But I couldn’t; I was stuck with Hannah at the deep end of Jared’s pool as she ranted off about her boyfriend.

“Just tell me what his family’s like. Especially his parents,” Hannah begged, her blue eyes reminding me instantly of a puppy dog. I felt my mouth open to respond but I didn’t know what to say. What were his parents like?

Mr. O’Callaghan was a sweet man. He always was pulling pranks on his sons and always had a lame joke to spare in an awkward moment. He loved sports and could talk about baseball for days on end. There was no doubt in my mind that he would tell the story of when he took John to his first major baseball game.

Mrs. O’Callaghan didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She lived for her boys’ happiness, always tending to their every need. She cooked and cleaned for them at all hours of the day. But she claimed it was a pleasure for her, to know she was doing all she could to make their lives easier. If Hannah was able to get her alone, Mrs. O’Callaghan would tell stories about when her and Mr. O’Callaghan fell in love; they were my favorite, I would sometimes go over to John’s in the early morning, when he was asleep and talk to his mom for hours before he woke.

“They’ll love you Hannah,” I heard my voice, so calm and serious, say to her. She looked my way and I pushed my sunglasses up. I couldn’t tell if the look in my brown eyes matched what I was saying, but it seemed she didn’t care; as long as I was being nice. “You have absolutely nothing to worry about. Just be yourself and you’ll have them wrapped around your finger.”

My hands fumbled around me until I found the small box I was searching for. I opened it and pulled out cigarette, instantly bringing it to my lips and quickly finding my lighter, bringing the flame to the tip in a second. I could feel Hannah’s uncomfortable shift from beside me. My body had been so tensed and numb from before, I didn’t feel her leg against mine. But as it cowered away, everything around me became so clear. As I filled my lungs with terrible chemicals, every molecule in my body seemed to finally slow down.

As I exhaled the smoke, I saw Hannah’s fidgeting body from the corner of my eye. And in an instant, my name was being called from across the pool. I looked up to see John standing in the shallow end, Garrett moving past him and making a cheap shot. He had his head cocked to the side and when my gaze met his, he waved me over.

And then it clicked. Hannah didn’t like cigarette smoke. I glanced over at her before grabbing my things from the ground and getting up. I couldn’t even apologize. Maybe it was because I didn’t care enough to because I felt like this was an even trade off. She put me in an awkward situation; I did the same to her. We were equal. I kept that in mind as my wet feet guided me to Jared, Pat and Kennedy. I was going to pass by John and his obvious lecture and go straight to the safety of my boys; they’d get my mind off of the couple behind me.

But things just weren’t that easy for me.

A wet hand shot out from the pool beside me and grabbed my ankle. I stumbled forward a little but caught my balance before any damage was done. I looked down to see John’s mess of wavy hair and green eyes. “What was that all about?”

In my head, my sarcastic conscious replied simply with, ‘Well, John, your girlfriend just asked me about your family. She reminded me of how at home I felt with your mother, your father. How your brothers seemed like my own. She reminded me of how comfortable I was with you. But at the same time, she also reminded me that you’re not mine. She showed me that you were gone; she has you now.’

But I didn’t say anything along those lines. Instead I shrugged and looked away as I murmured, “Nothing, don’t worry about it.” I began walking away but I felt his eyes boring into my back. I wasn’t about to tell him the truth; the pain I was still enduring day to day from the break up that happened over a year ago. But a little innocent guilt trip couldn’t do much harm. So over my shoulder, I called out loud enough for even Hannah to hear, “Happy almost one year anniversary, by the way.”

The blanket of immediate tension told me that all eyes had flashed to John as I made my way to my bag near the porch swings. I was the cause of the abrupt change in mood. So feeling as if I had done all the damage I could do in a day, I picked my belongings up, gave a quick wave my shocked friends and let myself slip away to the safety of my car.