Deadly Broken Hearts
001
I sat in my room, packing most of my clothes into a suitcase. I looked around the room to see if I needed anything else. Grabbing my suitcase and duffel bag, a picture on my nightstand caught my eye. It was a picture of Brittanya and I, a few years ago. Her hair was jet black, back then. But we both had that look in our eyes that said we loved each other.
"Brian, the bus is here!" I heard my best friend, Matt, scream up the stairs.
I rolled my eyes at him, and made my way downstairs. I handed my suitcase to our roadie and good friend, Matt Berry, who gave me a sympathetic look. I went into the kitchen and there was Brittanya, sitting at the kitchen table.
"Babe," I said, softly, "The, um, the bus is here."
Her back was to me, and she nodded, "I know."
I cleared my throat, "Are you gonna, ya know, see me off?"
She turned to me, and her bright blue eyes were swimming with tears, "Bri, I'm not sure how many more times I can do this."
That confused me, "Britt, what do you mean? You wanna come on tour with me?"
She stood up, "No, Brian, I have a job here."
I sighed, "I know, babe."
She ran her hand through her hair, "I meant, I don't know if I can stay with you anymore."
The duffel bag dropped from my grip, "What!? After everything, you wanna give up on us?" I asked, raising my voice.
Her arms were wrapped around her body, like she was trying to comfort herself, "Brian, I'm not giving up. I'm tired of saying good bye to you. How are we supposed to start on this future we talked about so much if you aren't here to help me?"
"You never say good bye," I said, "And I always come back."
"Yeah, you always come back. Brian, you don't know what it's like worrying about you. Are you safe? Are you staying faithful? What if something happens to you on the road? Remember when you guys got in that accident and I couldn't contact you for three weeks? I was a fucking mess, Brian, and I don't think I can do that again."
I sighed, "That was a one time thing, Britt."
"What if it happens again? What if you get arrested again? Brian, the 'what ifs' are too much!"
"Britt--"
"And you're never here for Christmas, and you almost always miss my birthday--"
"But I always send you something!" I protested.
"Yeah, Bri, the presents are great, but you know that I would rather have you over any present I've ever received!" she argued.
"It's the best I can do right now, Britt, we're basically at our peak, and we'd like to stay here for a while."
"So, you're picking the band over me?" she asked.
I ran my hand through my hair, "Shit, Brittanya, you've already chosen for me!"
"I want one thing from you, Brian," she said, quietly, "And you know you don't have to get me anything else. I just want you. But you can't give me that if you're always somewhere else."
"But I'm always on the phone when you need me and if it's major, I've always been on the first plane home," I added.
"I can't do this if you can't give me that one thing, Brian, it hurts too much," she said, the tears falling.
"Britt," I whispered, and walked toward her.
She backed up a few steps, "I can't be with you while you're in the band," she said.
I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent. I felt her arms around my neck as she started shaking.
"Britt, please don't leave me," I whispered, making sure my lips brushed against her neck.
I felt her shiver against me, and my heart soared, even though it was breaking, "Brian," she gasped out.
"Just walk me to the bus, please?" I asked.
She nodded and we detatched, but I grabbed my duffel bag, and then her hand. We walked outside and saw all the guys holding onto their girls, and my heart broke even more. I handed my bag to Matt and turned to Britt.
"Please, don't do this," I begged her.
She shook her head, "Brian, I can't live like this anymore."
I pointed to the guys, "They all do it!"
She tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears kept coming, and I felt my eyes water.
"They're stronger than me, I guess," she said.
"Is there someone else?" my voice cracked as I thought of her with another guy.
"Oh, Brian, you know I'd never do that to you," she said.
The tears broke through and slid down my cheeks, "You also said you'd never leave me, Brittanya,and look at what you're doing! You're fucking leaving me!"
I heard the gasps behind me, but paid no attention to them as she brought her body closer to mine and wrapped her arms around my neck. Subconsciously, my arms went around her waist.
"I can't keep doing this," she whispered in my ear.
I pulled her gently off of me, "Why not? Brittanya, I love you and I've given you everything!"
She got almost angry, "Except for what I want! Why can't you support me?!"
"Why would I support your decision to leave me?!" I was full on crying by now, but I didn't care.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and Matt was behind me, "Dude, I'm sorry, but we have to get going."
I nodded and looked back at Brittanya, "Don't expect us to be friends after this, Britt."
She shook her head, sobbing, "I know, Brian, this is killing me, too."
I was angry at this point, "Fuck that. If it's killing you that much, you'd stay."
I walked onto the bus, went to the couch, and looked out the window. She was on her knees, sobbing, with all the girls around her. I slumped down on the couch, numb.
"Dude," I looked over at Zacky, "What happened?"
I shrugged, "Nothing. I'll just never be happy again. She destroyed me."
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Brittanya Rae Allen
July 3rd, 1985-August 26th, 2009
Broken hearts can be deadly.
"Brian, the bus is here!" I heard my best friend, Matt, scream up the stairs.
I rolled my eyes at him, and made my way downstairs. I handed my suitcase to our roadie and good friend, Matt Berry, who gave me a sympathetic look. I went into the kitchen and there was Brittanya, sitting at the kitchen table.
"Babe," I said, softly, "The, um, the bus is here."
Her back was to me, and she nodded, "I know."
I cleared my throat, "Are you gonna, ya know, see me off?"
She turned to me, and her bright blue eyes were swimming with tears, "Bri, I'm not sure how many more times I can do this."
That confused me, "Britt, what do you mean? You wanna come on tour with me?"
She stood up, "No, Brian, I have a job here."
I sighed, "I know, babe."
She ran her hand through her hair, "I meant, I don't know if I can stay with you anymore."
The duffel bag dropped from my grip, "What!? After everything, you wanna give up on us?" I asked, raising my voice.
Her arms were wrapped around her body, like she was trying to comfort herself, "Brian, I'm not giving up. I'm tired of saying good bye to you. How are we supposed to start on this future we talked about so much if you aren't here to help me?"
"You never say good bye," I said, "And I always come back."
"Yeah, you always come back. Brian, you don't know what it's like worrying about you. Are you safe? Are you staying faithful? What if something happens to you on the road? Remember when you guys got in that accident and I couldn't contact you for three weeks? I was a fucking mess, Brian, and I don't think I can do that again."
I sighed, "That was a one time thing, Britt."
"What if it happens again? What if you get arrested again? Brian, the 'what ifs' are too much!"
"Britt--"
"And you're never here for Christmas, and you almost always miss my birthday--"
"But I always send you something!" I protested.
"Yeah, Bri, the presents are great, but you know that I would rather have you over any present I've ever received!" she argued.
"It's the best I can do right now, Britt, we're basically at our peak, and we'd like to stay here for a while."
"So, you're picking the band over me?" she asked.
I ran my hand through my hair, "Shit, Brittanya, you've already chosen for me!"
"I want one thing from you, Brian," she said, quietly, "And you know you don't have to get me anything else. I just want you. But you can't give me that if you're always somewhere else."
"But I'm always on the phone when you need me and if it's major, I've always been on the first plane home," I added.
"I can't do this if you can't give me that one thing, Brian, it hurts too much," she said, the tears falling.
"Britt," I whispered, and walked toward her.
She backed up a few steps, "I can't be with you while you're in the band," she said.
I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her neck. I closed my eyes and breathed in her scent. I felt her arms around my neck as she started shaking.
"Britt, please don't leave me," I whispered, making sure my lips brushed against her neck.
I felt her shiver against me, and my heart soared, even though it was breaking, "Brian," she gasped out.
"Just walk me to the bus, please?" I asked.
She nodded and we detatched, but I grabbed my duffel bag, and then her hand. We walked outside and saw all the guys holding onto their girls, and my heart broke even more. I handed my bag to Matt and turned to Britt.
"Please, don't do this," I begged her.
She shook her head, "Brian, I can't live like this anymore."
I pointed to the guys, "They all do it!"
She tried to wipe her eyes, but the tears kept coming, and I felt my eyes water.
"They're stronger than me, I guess," she said.
"Is there someone else?" my voice cracked as I thought of her with another guy.
"Oh, Brian, you know I'd never do that to you," she said.
The tears broke through and slid down my cheeks, "You also said you'd never leave me, Brittanya,and look at what you're doing! You're fucking leaving me!"
I heard the gasps behind me, but paid no attention to them as she brought her body closer to mine and wrapped her arms around my neck. Subconsciously, my arms went around her waist.
"I can't keep doing this," she whispered in my ear.
I pulled her gently off of me, "Why not? Brittanya, I love you and I've given you everything!"
She got almost angry, "Except for what I want! Why can't you support me?!"
"Why would I support your decision to leave me?!" I was full on crying by now, but I didn't care.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and Matt was behind me, "Dude, I'm sorry, but we have to get going."
I nodded and looked back at Brittanya, "Don't expect us to be friends after this, Britt."
She shook her head, sobbing, "I know, Brian, this is killing me, too."
I was angry at this point, "Fuck that. If it's killing you that much, you'd stay."
I walked onto the bus, went to the couch, and looked out the window. She was on her knees, sobbing, with all the girls around her. I slumped down on the couch, numb.
"Dude," I looked over at Zacky, "What happened?"
I shrugged, "Nothing. I'll just never be happy again. She destroyed me."
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Brittanya Rae Allen
July 3rd, 1985-August 26th, 2009
Broken hearts can be deadly.