Great Expectations

"What a disaster it would be if you discovered that I cared a little too much for friends but not enough to share." - Motion City Soundtrack

Over the past few days, Dean had become more distant. I was completely okay with that fact. It was Friday afternoon and I was walking with Poppy, happy to be going home for the weekend. Dean had visited my house Wednesday night; Thursday he was silent in physics and today he completely ignored me. I was glad Dean was ignoring me, but I wasn’t glad about the fact that Hunter would rarely leave me alone.

If I searched the entire school, or even the entire city, I could not have found two people less like each other than Hunter and Dean. Though I truly hated to admit it, there was something romantic about Dean – the way he came to my house with a mix tape, playing one of my favorite musicians made me realize this. He was a rebel in every way, with his leather jacket and motorcycle and devil-may-care attitude. Dean was attractive, and I could not deny it.

Hunter was athletic and dedicated to everything in his life. He was disciplined, always paying attention in class and giving one hundred and ten percent in every game. He was also predictable and dependable – qualities that most people would admire, but that I was beginning to dislike. I could not say Hunter was romantic or spontaneous like Dean was; that didn’t matter, because I did not like Dean. Whenever I saw Hunter over the past few days, I began dreaming Dean was standing there, but I quickly pushed the thoughts from my mind.

Hunter was standing near his car, a smile on his face. I returned the smile but did not go out of my way to see him. We weren’t exactly dating, but the entire school assumed we were. I never referred to Hunter as my boyfriend, yet no one else asked me on dates. I couldn’t give our relationship a name, and lately I was wishing it would just disappear completely.

“Why are you being so rude to Hunter?” Poppy asked, stopping in front of her green Prius. “I mean, you’re pretty much the poster children of Southern California soul mates, and all you’re doing is ignoring him. Any particular reason?”

I shrugged. “I just seem to be finding a lot of faults in him lately,” I said honestly. “He doesn’t seem as perfect as I used to think he was.” Poppy remained silent. “I know you’ve got a response,” I urged her. “I’m probably not going to like it, am I?”

“Go to you car,” Poppy said, dodging my question entirely. “I think you’ll find something more than my answer over there.”

I turned to see Dean walking across the parking lot, drawing closer to my car. I sighed, turned back to Poppy, who smiled at me, and headed towards him. We reached the red BMW at the same time, and I decided to break the silence before he left. “I’m sorry I kicked you out of my house.”

He stopped and turned to me. “Why’s that, princess?” His tone was cold with no hint of the usual joking demeanor.

I shrugged. “I just feel bad about it. It was a pretty harsh reaction.”

“No kidding,” he said, grabbing his helmet off his bike, which was again parked next to my car outside a parking spot. “You can’t just apologize and win me back, though. I tried being nice to you. Maybe you should try and return the favor.” He sat on his bike and was about to turn it on.

“Wait,” I said suddenly, putting my hands on his, covering the grips. “Do you want to do something tomorrow afternoon? I mean, I’ve gotta go shopping with my mother in the morning but I should be free in the afternoon.”

He looked up at me, unable to believe I was actually asking this. “Sure,” he said slowly. “Make it tomorrow night. That band I wanted to take you to see is playing again, in a little place outside town.” He paused. “Can I actually come to pick you up?”

I thought for a moment. “Yeah. I’ll tell my parents we’re working on our English project.”

He smirked. “Your parents would have to be really dumb to believe that.”

I shook my head. “Not dumb, just distant from my life. As long as I don’t get into trouble and besmirch their reputation they don’t care what I do.”

“Besmirch,” he snickered. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled at him and stepped back, watching him start his bike and drive away. Few cars were left in the parking lot now. As I threw my books in my car, I heard footsteps approaching. I stood and saw Hunter standing a few feet from me.

“Why do you talk to him all the time?” he asked without an introduction. His eyes were honest and there was no glimmer of a smile on his face.

“What do you mean, talk to him all the time?” I asked, trying to play dumb. Most people believed me; for some reason, they didn’t think I was capable of lying. “He was just asking about physics homework.”

“I’m not stupid, Juliet,” Hunter said. “I saw you talking to him on Wednesday in the courtyard. I know you’re his partner for physics and English and there has to be some reason you talk to him all the time. I think I deserve to know why.”

“Am I not allowed to make new friends?” I asked, my tone turning frigid and harsh. “He’s new. I’m just trying to be nice.”

“I think you’re trying to be a little more than nice,” Hunter said, matching my harsh tone. “I’ve met guys like him before. They’re bad news – all of them. If you knew what was good for you, you’d stay away from him. Stop talking to him before you get hurt.”

“Who do you think you are, telling me who I can and can’t talk to?” I snapped. Every manner my mother had taught me was trickling out of my system; I was beginning to express my true feelings. “First my parents, now you, you’re all driving me insane.” I opened my car door and flung myself inside. “I’m sorry, Hunter.” I looked up at him. “Can’t you trust my judgment?”

“I guess I’m going to have to, aren’t I?” he asked, stepping away from my car. “I’ll see you later, Juliet.” He walked away and left me, sitting alone in my silent car. I turned the radio on, playing it as loud as I could, but I found little solace in the bouncy pop songs. I couldn’t believe I snapped at Hunter like that – Hunter, the boy I’ve been friends with since we were toddlers. I was tired of being told what to do, and I wished people would have some faith in my decisions.

Maybe people would have faith in my decisions if I ever made the right choice. For now, I drove home and hoped I could figure all this out before anything else went wrong.