Missing Pieces

Frank’s POV

Another night, another city, another hotel room.

I drop my bag on the red carpet and turn on the lights. They don’t help much; the room is still semi-dark. I sit down on the bed, sighing. I have not been this tired in a very long time and it is only 11 PM. Touring is the best part of living a life like this, but performing in a new city almost every night is exhausting.

I am in a small hotel room somewhere in Europe. We had gotten off the plane only an hour ago, after a four hours ride. I know we left Italy, but I can’t recall where I am now. It doesn’t matter; all I want is to sleep.

A silent knock on my door wakes me up from my thoughts. I get to my feet and head towards the door. My heart flutters when I see who the visitor is.

“Hi, Gerard.”

“Can I come in?” He asks.

I let him enter the room and close the door behind him.

“What’s up?” I try to sound as casual as possible.

He sits down on the bed, staring at his feet.

“Are you OK?” I ask, suddenly feeling worried. He doesn’t look OK. He is paler than usual – and now I’m not talking about his stage make-up. His growing black hair looks lifeless. I haven’t seen him smile for days, and it was weeks ago I saw him genuinely happy. I’ve found him, more than once, staring at the wall, looking either confused, sad or distant.

Gerard shakes his head, pulling his hand through his hair.

“It’s just… I don’t know”, he says, eyes fixed on the red carpet floor. He pauses for a while.

“I feel empty”, he suddenly admits. “I know I shouldn’t, this is everything I’ve ever dreamt of. And I am happy, I truly am! And still… It feels like something is missing.” He shrugs, still not looking at me.

“You’re exhausted”, I say. “I see it. You have barely slept for weeks. Everything feels ten times worse when you’re tired. Why don’t you rest for a while?” I point at the bed where he is sitting. “Lay down and close your eyes. Are you hungry? I can get you something if you want.”

He shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

He lies down on the blanket and closes his eyes. “Thanks, Frankie.”

“No problem.”

I look down at his beautiful face. Even now I can see he is troubled. And to be honest – he isn’t the only one.

I have tried to deny it for months, but it is impossible. I am surprised that one has noticed yet. My affection towards Gerard has grown every day. I cannot fool myself that I only love him as a friend, as one of my brothers in the band. My feelings go way deeper. I have slowly grown to accept it, though it doesn’t make things less complicated. Not at all.

I yawn loudly. I have almost forgotten how tired I am. Gerard opens one eye and looks at me.

“Hey, it’s your bed. Come here.” He pats on the bed next to him.

I cross the room, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. I lay down on my back, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

I’ve been this close to him before. I have fooled around with him on stage; we have slept in a tiny van almost on top of each other; spent endless nights in tour busses… Still this is different. We have never been this close in a bed, just the two of us in the semi-darkness of a tiny hotel room.

My body stiffens when Gerard moves closer, until his forehead touches my shoulder.

“Frank?” He whispers.

“Mhm?”

“Do you think it will get better? Will I feel better?”

A wave of devotion for the man fills me. I am one of the few who has seen his vulnerable side. I put my arms around him and pull him closer.

“I know you will”, I say as convincing as I can. Gerard is the strongest man I’ve ever met. I know he’ll make it. “No doubt about it”, I add as I hug him tightly.

As we lie silent, I feel his tense body finally starting to relax. I listen to his even breaths, wondering if this is the closest we will ever get. I close my eyes, knowing that no matter what happens, I will always cherish this moment.

I feel Gerard’s hand gently touch the fabric of my T-shirt. He stops and rests his hand on my chest.

“He must feel how fast my heart is beating”, I think and for a moment I forget to breathe.

Gerard is slowly moving even closer to me, until his body is pressed against mine, leaving no space between us.

I inhale the scent of him; cologne, cigarettes and something I can’t place. I wish I could take the scent and lock it inside a bottle so I could always bring him with me.

I feel my way up his back and place my hand on his neck, burying my fingers in his soft, black hair. I caress his neck, making him shiver slightly. I would do anything to make this moment last forever.

I’ve just finished the thought when a sudden knock echoes through the room – someone’s at the door. We let go of each other quickly, looking guilty. I curse under my breath, not wanting to let go.

I open the door and see one of our technicians.

“Sorry to bother you this late, Frank”, he says apologetically, “I hope I didn’t wake you up?”

I shake my head. “It’s OK”.

He glances over my shoulder and notices Gerard lying in the bed. I feel my cheeks turn red. Damn. He must notice. He will understand what is going on.

He turns his attention to me.

“We have a problem”, he says. He tells me that some of our equipment broke during the flight and that we have to find a solution as soon as possible. I agree to have a look at it early tomorrow morning. We say good bye and I close the door behind him.

I turn towards the bed. Gerard’s eyes are closed; he seems to be fast asleep. I can’t take my eyes off him. He is the most beautiful human being I have ever seen.

He must have felt my gaze, because he blinks a couple of times and focuses on me.

“What did he want?”

I tell him about the broken equipment. During other circumstances it would have worried me, but not today. I’ve already forgotten about it. All I see is Gerard’s black hair, still messy from when I ran my fingers through it. His hazel eyes seem to glow.

“Frank”, he says, bringing me back to earth again. He opens his mouth to continue but closes it again, suddenly looking shy. He stares at his hands, hesitating.

I walk over to the bed and sit down next to him. Our eyes meet and I realize that I’ve never seen his eyes this dark. His face is still pale, but the lips look almost cherry red. His black hair falls into his face, covering his forehead.

I can’t stop the sudden urge to giggle.

“What?” he asks, looking confused.

“Nothing.” He knows I’m not telling the truth. I giggle again. “It’s just that… You made me think of Snow White.”

He looks bewildered for a second. Then with an amused look on his face, he asks:

“Do I really look that girly?”

I laugh. “Yeah!”

He smirks at me. “You know…” he says slowly, “That’s OK. You know why? Because sitting right next to me is one of the seven dwarves!”

He laughs, one of the first whole-heartedly laughs in very long time.

“YOU!” I shout. I pick up a pillow and starts hitting him. We are both laughing hysterically as Gerard tries to protect himself by holding his arms as a cover. I hit him over and over again, until he shouts, still laughing:

“Stop it, Frank! I can’t breathe!”

I drop the pillow on the floor. Gerard crashes on his back in the bed, pulling me along with him. My chest is only a few inches above his and he is gripping my wrists tightly, as if he still was trying to protect himself. Panting, we stare into each others eyes. He is no longer smiling, but has a serious expression on his face. I have no idea what’s going through his mind.

The mood in the room has changed completely. The walls are closing in around us, but not in an intimidating way. I get the feeling that we are the only existing people in the world. Gerard bites his lower lip and I try my hardest not to gasp.

Without a word, he pulls me nearer until my chest rests upon his and my hands touch his shoulders. Our hearts beat fast against each other; I can’t tell which beat is mine and which is his.

“F-Frankie…”, he whispers. “Kiss me”.

How many times haven’t I dreamt of this moment? I lean forward and press my lips against his. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip. I moan as he forces my mouth to open. I let my tongue dance along with his, exploring him. He pulls me closer and deepens the kiss, sparks shooting through my body. I let my hands wander along his body, touching his face, chest, arms, neck… Trying to take in every part of him.

He breaks the kiss and smiles at me.

“Frank”, he whispers. “I think I’ve found the missing piece.”