The Harsh Truth

His hands were moved down my sides, past my ass, and finally stopped at my thighs. He just ran his hands in small circles on my thighs. His touchoh, that feels good made me feel sick: Like a whore.

"Sky..." His warm breath hit the back of my neck.

I felt the guilt in my gut, and I bit my lip.
"You wouldn't want me back, Ave."

He pulled away from my neck, and he actually, for the first time in three months, looked at me. His eyes stared atmy lips my terrible decisions. "You have no idea how much I do want you back. I love you so much."

I felt pathetic. I had always been pathetic, but it took one huge, horrible mistake to actually realize it. I left the one person I had actually ever loved, all because of some stupid fight, when I could have spoken (more calmly) to him about it. All of that fighting was only hurting the one thing we both had: Each other. And because of me, it was all gone. If that isn't pathetic, then I don't know what is.

He stared into my eyes, and I had to look away. It felt as if he could see all the mistakes I have been making. I didn't like feeling like this: This gross, dirty feeling.

"Please come home with me.”

I bit my lip. If I went home with Averi, then I would have to go through whatever withdrawals from drugs I might have. He’d never forgive me for even doing them, let alone getting piercings and a tattoo.

I bit my lip, “How much do you really love me, Averi?”

I watched his facial features change. Was he honestly just going to continue biting his lip? He shook his head no, sighing, “Did you seriously just ask me that, Sky? You know how much I care about you, or at least you should.”

“You’re avoiding my question…”

“I love you so much, Baby.” He pulled our bodies together.

I felt so weak, just having our bodies pressed together. He couldn’t have felt all the pain I felt. My veins were pounding, just with his simple touch: Almost like how they felt when I was on heroin. I bit my lip, “How much is that?”

I didn’t know there were three other people there: Alex, Taye, and Ashton. I only noticed Averi. After all, he just beat up myfuck buddy dealer.

Ashton was the one that spoke up, “You don’t even know what you did to him, Skyler. You have to go home with him. He could barely breathe without you, and he wasn’t eating or sleeping.”

I had to choose: Addiction or attraction.

If I choose to stay, I would hate myself forever. I would have ruined my life even more than I already have.

If I choose to go, I would have to either A) sneak the drugs, or B) go through withdrawals and get over them completely. If I choose to go, I would have Averi.

I played with the studs under my bottom lip.
“I’ll be right back…”

I needed to think, and I couldn’t if I was in the arms of Averi, with everyone watching. I pulled away from Ave, and I shut myself in the apartment that Ivan has gladly shared with me.

“I’m sorry, Ivan.” I softly spoke.

He held an ice pack to his eye, “Was that the guy you left?”

“Yes.”

He laughed, “He must really love you, then. He’s coming back to you, even after you broke up with him. He’s coming back to you, and he was the one who pushed you to the edge. You did drugs, and now he’ll have to help you stop.”

“I want to be with him, Ivan,” I nodded, “But I can’t go on without the drugs…”

“What are you saying?”

I sighed, “Give me a supply of drugs, for about a week, and you can have all the money I have in my wallet. I’m going to go home with Averi.”

“Alright, Sky.”

He dug through my wallet, pulling out all the cash and change I had, before running off to his room. I sighed.

I’m definitely doing everything all wrong…