The Harsh Truth

Have you ever had this moment where everything just seemed to stop working?

Have you ever breathed in, but nothing filled your lungs? Have you ever moved your legs, but it seemed like your destination just got farther and farther away? Have you ever blinked, but it felt like your eyes have been exposed to the air for an eternity?

Have you ever just had this moment where it seemed like nothing worked correctly? It just felt like my heart wasn’t beating, my blood wasn’t pumping, and that the world just stopped spinning all together.

For what felt like an eternity, nothing worked, but in the blink of an eye my legs started to work again. I could feel the air in my lungs, the beating of my heart, and the anger and the pain coiling in my stomach.

I don’t know what I’m thinking. Maybe I’m not thinking at all? Fuck, I don’t know. All I know is that I was hurt.

It felt like someone had pulled out a knife and stabbed me in the back and it was all because of this little bag Sky was holding in his hand.

I growled and reached for it, snatching it from his trembling hands. He seemed shocked at first, but then he got angry and looked up at me, his mouth open about to shout, but I beat him to it.

What I was doing or why I was doing it is beyond me. Everything just started to spill out…

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing? Do you not fucking care anymore Skyler? Is that it! Do you not fucking care that you’re killing yourself by doing this useless shit?” I don’t know what I was doing when I raised my fist, but Sky didn’t even try to block my punch.

My fist connected with his cheek. It wasn’t one of my strongest punches, but I just felt like he deserved it.

“Do you not care that you’re killing me?” I held the heroine in my trembling fists.

I glare back down at Sky, whose face was currently blank. I felt this pain in my chest. I wanted to ask something, but I wasn’t sure if Sky was up to answering it or if I even wanted to hear the answer, but I asked anyways…

“Do you even love me anymore, Skyler?”

I stared at him waiting for a response, anything that might show that he actually cared. I searched his eyes for something, anything.

The room stayed silent and I sighed, disappointed. My eyes went down towards the object in my hand, a bag full of heroine. A part of me said to make Sky watch me throw it into a tub of battery acid, but I’m not that eviland we don’t have a tub of battery acid.

Another part of me had a bit more productive idea…

I looked up at Sky again to see that he was no longer looking at me, but the ground instead. He was chewing on his bottom lip nervously and didn’t notice me move towards him until I had placed the drugs back into his hand.

The boy stiffened and looked at me with wide-eyes before asking, “What-“

“It’s up to you Sky,” I cut him off as I closed his fingers around the package. “I’m letting you chose…the drugs or me.”

I let go of Sky’s trembling fingers and didn’t dare look at him as I stood. I used my bangs to hide my eyes as I turned and moved out of the room, knowing that Sky would have some thinking to do.

I thought about leaving for a while and decided that was best. I needed to get out of here. I, for once, needed to get away from Sky.

I grabbed a coat since the air was chilly before moving out of the apartment to no place particular.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and stared aimlessly at the ground. My body was still trembling from the previous yelling and my throat felt soar. I don’t remember raising my voice like that since I lived with my dad…

Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled at him?

I suddenly felt guilty for it. I had yelled at the one boy who meant everything to me…but for some odd reason a part of me was saying that he deserved it. He needed some sense knocked into him. I felt bad for punching him as well, but again…a part of me was saying he deserved it…

I hadn’t realized it, but I had walked around for over an hour. I felt like Sky had enough thinking time and I headed back to the apartment, which was silent when I entered.

I glanced towards our bedroom, but didn’t go back. Instead I moved into the living room and sat down on the couch where I staid waiting for some type of answer from Sky.