Funny How I Fell in Love With You

My jaw dropped to the floor, and I stared in awe. How could this be happening? I could have sworn you were dead?

"R-r-rosie?" I gasped.

"That's my name, don't wear it out," said Rosie as she walked over to me. "Gosh, I've been gone for a while... Let me tell you something Tessie, things are not what they seem..."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Well, for starters, I didn't die obviously!" said Rosie. "But that whole yachting incident with the terrible storm and crazed lunatic captain on board? That was all-"

"PANSY'S DOING?!?!?!" I screamed. "You're joking!"

"I would never joke about almost being killed by the little bitch now would I?" said Rosie.

"Goyle?"

"Yeah, she's right. Pansy did set that whole thing up..." said Goyle softly.

"But then, how did you come back? How did you find me?" I asked Rosie.

"I was stranded at sea with nothing but a piece of wood from the ship to keep me afloat. I luckily had my wand in my pocket, and casted a spell to get me to land. How I found you was from the EXTENDED Marauder's Map..."

"You are a bleedin' nutcase!" I cried. "EXTENDED?!?!"

"Yeah, Harry and Ron put a spell over the old map, and now, we can find out where anyone is at any time at any given day..." said Rosie with a mischievous grin.

"I am glad you are back Rosie," I said, giving her a huge hug. "I have missed you so much..."

"And I have missed you loads too dear Tessie!" sighed Rosie. "By the by, what happened to you? You look all normal sized. What happened to your baby?"

Goyle's eyes widened, and the tears began to well up in my eyes. "M-my baby is d-dead... All Pansy's doing," I bawled. "She used the cruciatus curse on me several times, and it must have hurt the baby because I went into labor prematurely, and the doctor made me give birth... But there was nothing they could do to save my beautiful baby Aphrodite Rosie Malfoy..."

"Aw, poor Tessie," said Rosie as she hugged me warmly. "You have been through so much... Come, let's get you out of here."

"I'm not leaving," I said, wiping my tears and walking towards the now open door. "It's time for me to kick some ass..."

"What the hell are you going to do now?" asked Rosie as she tried to keep up with me.

"What I should have done a long time ago... I'm taking this bitch down..."

I walked into the hallway, and BAM! I was hit with a spell!

"RICTASEMPRA!" shouted a familiar voice. I flew backwards and landed on my ass.

"Whoever the fucker is that did that to me, that fucking hurt!" I cried, rubbing my sore bum. "I mean, I do have enough cushion back there, but still!"

"Oh my, we are a little dirty mouth aren't we? Well, that's what we can expect from a STINKING, FILTHY, WHORESON MUDBLOOD," said Lucious Malfoy as he stepped out from the shadows with his wand out and pointed at me.

"You! Where's Narcissa?" I asked as my anger began to rapidly increase.

"If you are insinuating that my wife would be on your side, you are dead wrong my dear mudblood," said Lucious icily.

Narcissa appeared out of nowhere, and stood next to her husband, glaring at me the whole time. "If you think that I would be on your side, let alone spare you the time of day, you are wrong..."

"Narcissa! Remember, you are good! Please, listen to me! This is not the real you. Pansy's done something to you; you have to listen to me!"

"I don't listen to mudbloods," snarled Narcissa. "And anyway, it was about time I was loyal to my husband for once, and resume my Death Eater status once more..."

"You can't be serious, not after all that has happened these past 13 years!" I cried. "Was all of that done in vain? Was it all a total loss?"

"It was... you didn't die," said Narcissa coldly.

"That's it!" I screamed as I launched myself at Narcissa. Rosie grabbed me, pulling me off Narcissa. Or, at least, trying to pull me off Narcissa.

"That bitch wanted me to die in that war!" I screamed as Rosie pulled me off of her. "She wanted me dead! How dare you say such things!?! You are a disgrace to the wizarding race!"

Narcissa shook with a mixture of rage and fear as she nursed the bloody nose I gave her. "You WHORE! Look what you have done to my wife?! CRU-"

"PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!" I cried, binding both Lucious and Narcissa in the full body bind curse. "Now, off to find the bitch... The wonderful bitch who has fucked up my life..."

Rosie snorted with laughter as we ran to find Pansy. "Goyle, where the fuck is she?"

Goyle pointed to a door at the end of the hallway, and all of us ran towards it. I wrenched open the door to find...

"Holy fuck!" cried Rosie.

"See, this was what I was afraid of," said Goyle as he hung his head in shame. "We came too late..."

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!!!!!" I screamed, walking up to the two of them. SLAP! SLAP! I couldn't believe this was happening. I had just caught Pansy and Draco... together!

"Tessie, please listen to me! It's not what it looks like..."

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" I cried. "One does not normally go around with sluts like this unless-"

"You are unsatisfied with the wife you have," smirked Pansy.

"You cheap whore, you get your grimy hands off of my husband!" I screamed.

"Too late for that dearie," said Pansy. "You see, my hands were all over him... and he LIKED it..."

"NO! Don't listen to her Tessie! She forced me to have sex with her!!!!"

"Excuse me? Weren't you screaming my name earlier?" said Pansy.

"Yeah, I was screaming for you to STOP!" said Draco as he pulled the bed sheets around his waist and walked towards me. "Please Tessie, you have to believe me..."

"I have never been unfaithful to you... Not on purpose," I said. "And you break our wedding vows like none of those words that you said to me meant anything to you! Don't you remember what you said to me? 'Before you entered my life, I was miserable. I couldn't hold down a girlfriend, I didn't have that many friends, and I was extremely depressed. And then, you came along. When I was feeling sad about another bad year at school our third year, you let me into your carriage, and hung out with me. Without you in my life, I would have been a dead Death Eater by now. I would have never learned to love and treat people with respect and integrity. I would have never associated myself with Harry or any of the cool Weasley's, or have even given you our wonderful twins. It had to have been fate that we would be together through all of the tough times, and I am thankful that I still live another day to see you. I love you with all my heart, soul, with every fiber of my being. You have made me the happiest man on earth right now...' Well, I guess I couldn't have made you that happy. Look what you just did!"

"Yeah, I know Tessie, no one knows how to better please a man than me," said Pansy.

"Yeah, right," I said. "You know what Pansy? There's something I need to tell you dear. No one knows better how to bring the pain on than ME!!!!!!"

And with that, I began to beat the living daylights out of that whore.