A Dream is a Wish You Can't Make All on Your Own

After nearly half an hour of sitting on the balcony on my own, the doors opened and someone came and sat next to me on the floor. I didn’t move my head to catch a glimpse of who was there, I didn’t want to, I wanted to forget the fame, the fact I live in LA and the fact that I haven’t seen my family in weeks, the longest I had been away from all of them in a long time. Even when I was on tour my brother and dad came along to keep me company for a while before they went home and my mum came out to spend the rest of tour with me.

When an arm went around my waist and someone’s head pressed against my head, I knew had came out with me. Kevin was obviously waiting for me to say something, but because I didn’t, he broke the silence.

“Claire’s sorry. She’s in tears in side. Joe wouldn’t let her come out to apologise because he thinks you needed space.” Kevin said quietly.

I merely sniffed in reply.

“Im sorry I didn’t come out. I didn’t know how to react when you started saying you hate being famous. I couldn’t say I feel the same way because I love what I do. I just didn’t know Lauren and im sorry.”

I lifted my head to see Kevin’s sympathetic face. Wiping my tear with the back of my hand. I leant my head on his shoulder before speaking.

“I can’t handle it. I want to be normal again.” I admitted.

“I know you do.” Kevin soothed.

“You don’t though, Kevin. You love doing what you do, you love your fans and you love being able to help people. Of course, I love singing, I love my fans and I love the thought of being able to help people. But the thing is, I never used to sing for others, it was something special for me that I could do in my room with a towel rapped around my hair and mix matching pyjamas that didn’t match, it was something I would do for my granddad to make him happy. And to tell the truth, I don’t like singing the way im made to now, it makes me wonder why I ever liked singing in the first place. Oh and don’t forget the fact that me helping people is only extending to giving money to charities once a month and showing up to benefit concerts. I don’t have the time to help people now. I mean, I couldn’t even look after my sisters for a few hours one night, how sad is that? I just couldn’t, my sisters had to go to my grandparents house while I went on lock down with Tj round because it wasn’t safe for me to be at home with them.” I ranted before taking a deep breath. My head falling into my hands as tears began to form again.

“Im going to kill Joe, if he hadn’t brought college up before you wouldn’t be like this.” Kevin said sounding angry.

“No forget it Kevin. I just need sleep. Ive been way too busy lately. Never mind, ive got two weeks off starting tomorrow. Ill just sleep loads and relax. Maybe fly back to England for a few days. Ill be fine then, trust me.” I said, sniffing back the tears.

“Ok, but im still going to tell him.” Kevin said, wrapping his arms around me.

“Don’t, forget it ok? No one needs arguments again today. Come on, I need to apologise to Claire before crashing on the sofa for the night.” I said, standing up.

Kevin followed me in, closing the door behind him and locking it. I smiled at him before grabbing his hand and going into the living room to see Claire curled next to Joe crying slightly while Joe rubbed her back lovingly, whispering that everything would be ok to her. I cleared my throat making Joe and Claire look up. I smiled before walking over to one of my best friends and hugging her.

“Im sorry I went off like that, I shouldn’t have just got up and left.” I said.

“Don’t worry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you.” Claire laughed.

“We have some pathetic arguments.” I said.

“Well it wasn’t really pathetic but still, it was over something that we could have got over and not ended up shouting at each other.” Claire laughed again.

We were soon both in fits of hysterics while Kevin and Joe looked on in shock, this was the first time they had seen us like this so it was kind of a shock to them I guess.

“So, you’re good now?” Joe asked confused.

“No Joe, we’re both secretly planning revenge on the other one. Of course we’re good. I can’t stay mad at Claire, never have been able too.” I laughed, hugging Claire again.

“Kevin, man, girls confuse me.” Joe said rubbing his head.

“We wont ever know what they’re all about.” Kevin said looking as equally confused as Joe.

Before Claire or I could say anything, Jordan and Nick walked in, hand in hand, smiling like there was no tomorrow. I smiled at them before hopping off of my seat on the floor and walking upstairs.

“Where are you going?” Kevin called up after me.

“To my room. I wanna show you something I wrote the other day.” I said.

“How?”

“You’ll have to come up because it’s on my computer.” I said as I walked into my room.

I heard Kevin walk up the stairs and then saw him stood in the doorway uncomfortably as I turned on the computer.

“You don’t have to stand there like an idiot.” I laughed.

Kevin walked into my room and sat down on my bed while I opened up the word document with the beginning words for a new song I had started but couldn’t think of what to write next.

“Here, could you read this and tell me if I should carry on writing it or if I should just delete it and leave writing songs to the professionals from now on.”

“Sure.” Kevin smiled.

“Cool thanks. Im gunna go change into my pyjamas a minute, be right back.” I said, grabbing my pyjamas from the top drawer of my dressers.

“Ok.” Kevin said as he began reading the words off of the screen.

I went into the bathroom just across the hall from my room to change. Chucking my clothes into the washing basket, I pulled on the big pyjama bottoms and oversized night shirt before pulling on a hoodie and tying my hair into a ponytail. Once I was done, I went back into my room to see Kevin typing.

“What are you writing?” I asked sitting on my bed.

“Im trying to understand what’s behind these words before I tell you whether you should finish it or not.” Kevin said drumming his fingers on the desk.

“What have you got so far?” I quizzed.

“So far ive got that the person who this song is about misses home but doesn’t want to go back because she doesn’t want to leave the person she cares about.” Kevin smiled turning to face me.

“And who do you think this song is about?” I said, guessing he knew the answer.

“You and me.” he smirked.

“Pshh, not at all. It’s about Claire and Joe.” I smiled.

“Liar.” He said, sitting next to me.

“Shut up.” I said around a yawn.

Kevin wrapped his arms around me as I leant my head on his shoulder, my eyes drooping slightly.

“Go to bed, ill leave you and then you can ring me once you’re up tomorrow.” Kevin said gently.

“No, I hate being on my own.” I admitted.

“What do you mean?”

“Ive always shared a room and now im on my own, I don’t like it.” I said around another yawn.

“Ok, how about I sit here until you fall asleep.” Kevin offered.

“No, its fine, im gunna stay up until you leave and then crash on the sofa watching the TV again tonight.”

“No, go to sleep, ill be right here.” Kevin smiled down at me.

“Ok.” I yawned as I crawled under the covers.

I pulled my hoodie off, leaving it on the floor by the side of my bed for when I got up in the morning. Kevin sat down next to me, resting one hand on my back. I rolled over; kissed his cheek before leaving me head on his chest and slowly drifting off to sleep.