Everything Will Be Alright
1/2
I had a thing for forests, I remembered I would always go and lie on my back staring up at all those tree branches. The twisting and turning branches, reaching up higher and higher towards the sky. All those green and red leaves falling around me making such beautiful colors. I loved the forest. I lay there for hours at a time, often drifting off into a slumber to wake up in the night. The sky looked beautiful, peaking out from above the foliage. I hadn’t been to the forest in almost 2 years. Not since that day Lily and I went.
She was my best friend back then, and I had wanted to show her the forest. It was stupid of me; I should have just gone to the movies or something. But she agreed and we went to go play amongst the changing leaves. We had a race, to see who could climb the highest tree in the forest. It was fun being so high up, as if I was invincible. We were just sitting half way up, probably only about 20 feet when she lost her footing. I saw her fall from where I was perched and I couldn’t do anything. I raced down to where she lay, blood everywhere. It was awful. I ran as fast as I could to look for help but it took so long.
They later told her parents that if I had been faster, she probably would have been o.k. They didn’t mean for me to overhear, but I did and knowing that it truly was my fault, was an awful horrible feeling. Like I was some horrid monster that couldn’t do any good. Only hurt those that I loved. I was so sick of myself; I could barely look in the mirror for a while after. Just the thought of her death made me sick, the worst though was the day they finally took her off life support.
All her friends and family were there, except me. I wasn't allowed to see her one last time. Her mother, who I had known for several years, couldn’t bear the sight of me. I cried so much, knowing that I caused so much pain just by these awful blonde locks and pale pinks and yellows that always adorned my body. Those happy Easter egg colors I wore were disgusting to some people. They were repulsed by the sight of them on my tall thin frame. I hated it.
I became so shy at school. I couldn’t bring myself to explain what happened to all those prying eyes and ears, just waiting for me to give away some detail that was unknown before. I died my golden locks black and cut them into an edgy look that, with my new heavy eyeliner, looked intimidating and unfriendly. It was perfect for being left alone. I changed my entire wardrobe too. No longer wearing all those cute good girl pastels and florals. Opting for dark jeans, black cons, dark jewellery and little black tops that barely covered my flat stomach. I looked mean and aggressive, even though I wouldn’t hurt a fly, people were scared.
I couldn't handle being at home either though. My mother’s constant charade at being perfectly happy was horrible. I knew she was just trying to get me to move on, but it was so forced that it was depressing. Those fake cheery smiles no matter what time of day, and those questions about school, all the time asking and prying into my life.
I took to wandering the streets before I went home, or late at night when everyone was asleep. I couldn’t handle the quiet at night, and I didn’t sleep much anymore. Not since the accident. I couldn’t bear the nightmares, playing back every second of that day. Or her mother shouting at me, calling me a monster and a killer, than breaking up into hysterics over her lost child. I felt awful. It's like my life was on auto-pilot, just waiting to be turned on by anything that could bring me back to life again.
Ugh! I was so pathetic. I don’t think anyone else cried themselves to sleep for two years. Or wandered the streets at night, forcing themselves to remember every detail. There must be something wrong with me, I must be broken or something.
I don't know why, but I started visiting the forest again. I would go and lay under the trees watching the sunlight filtering threw the leaves in long streams. It was so beautiful, I slept there too. I know it was dangerous but it was so peaceful. The soft whispering of wind as it ran through the trees and bushes. Or the small birds that danced in between the branches and through the sky.
I went there almost every day; it made me smile just to see all of that beauty in such simple things. My mother was worried though, she found out I was sneaking off in the night.
"What is wrong with you Allison!" she shouted at me one night. "Why can't you just be normal? Make some friends, dress properly, get a cute boyfriend. God, I don't understand why you have to make everything so difficult for everyone."
I just looked at her, not giving away any emotion. But it hurt so much, that even she thought I was some awful creature. I don’t even think she thought of me as her daughter anymore, just some thing she had to feed and house.
"It's not safe there Allison!" she had screamed before stalking off into the kitchen.
After that I rarely went home. I moved most of my clothes into the forest, keeping them protected from wind and rain in plastic bags and under trees. I was never home for more than a few hours; I couldn't bear the looks she gave me. I knew it wasn't safe, but I had never come across anyone in the forest yet. I probably never would. There were no trails on this half of the forest and nobody dared venture this far into it. Or so I had thought.
I was lying under a tree that’s' limbs nearly dragged to the ground, enjoying the green canopy that protected me from the outside. I had fallen asleep a long time ago, so I had not noticed the boy. I woke up with a start as a twig fell down and landed on my face. Looking above me to see, this boy. Probably around the same age as me, staring at me curiously.
He hung down, holding on only by his legs, to offer me his hand.
"Hi I'm Ben." he said, smiling brightly at me.
"I, um, I. Why are you here?" I finally blurted out.
"Well, I just moved here. And the view is lovely from this tree, especially now that I've seen you" he chuckled lightly.
"You really shouldn’t go wandering about this side of the forest, it's not safe." I stated, angry that he had come across my secret place.
"Well perhaps I should escort you out then." He smiled brightly again. "Seeing as it’s so dangerous."
I could see his eyes taking in my long frame lying on the ground still. The dark hair fanned out around me, the tiny little top. He reached out his hand again to me, giving me a look as if to say I won't bite. I reached up, whets the worst that cold happen.
"I'm Allison, Ally for short." I said. Looking up into hazel eyes.
He walked me home after that, we talked about everything. Why he'd moved here, where he was going to school. Anything except for that first thing he had asked me. If it's so dangerous, why are you in the forest Allison?
He didn't need to know what I was. How I was such a monster. I refused to let him see that side of me, I really liked him.
She was my best friend back then, and I had wanted to show her the forest. It was stupid of me; I should have just gone to the movies or something. But she agreed and we went to go play amongst the changing leaves. We had a race, to see who could climb the highest tree in the forest. It was fun being so high up, as if I was invincible. We were just sitting half way up, probably only about 20 feet when she lost her footing. I saw her fall from where I was perched and I couldn’t do anything. I raced down to where she lay, blood everywhere. It was awful. I ran as fast as I could to look for help but it took so long.
They later told her parents that if I had been faster, she probably would have been o.k. They didn’t mean for me to overhear, but I did and knowing that it truly was my fault, was an awful horrible feeling. Like I was some horrid monster that couldn’t do any good. Only hurt those that I loved. I was so sick of myself; I could barely look in the mirror for a while after. Just the thought of her death made me sick, the worst though was the day they finally took her off life support.
All her friends and family were there, except me. I wasn't allowed to see her one last time. Her mother, who I had known for several years, couldn’t bear the sight of me. I cried so much, knowing that I caused so much pain just by these awful blonde locks and pale pinks and yellows that always adorned my body. Those happy Easter egg colors I wore were disgusting to some people. They were repulsed by the sight of them on my tall thin frame. I hated it.
I became so shy at school. I couldn’t bring myself to explain what happened to all those prying eyes and ears, just waiting for me to give away some detail that was unknown before. I died my golden locks black and cut them into an edgy look that, with my new heavy eyeliner, looked intimidating and unfriendly. It was perfect for being left alone. I changed my entire wardrobe too. No longer wearing all those cute good girl pastels and florals. Opting for dark jeans, black cons, dark jewellery and little black tops that barely covered my flat stomach. I looked mean and aggressive, even though I wouldn’t hurt a fly, people were scared.
I couldn't handle being at home either though. My mother’s constant charade at being perfectly happy was horrible. I knew she was just trying to get me to move on, but it was so forced that it was depressing. Those fake cheery smiles no matter what time of day, and those questions about school, all the time asking and prying into my life.
I took to wandering the streets before I went home, or late at night when everyone was asleep. I couldn’t handle the quiet at night, and I didn’t sleep much anymore. Not since the accident. I couldn’t bear the nightmares, playing back every second of that day. Or her mother shouting at me, calling me a monster and a killer, than breaking up into hysterics over her lost child. I felt awful. It's like my life was on auto-pilot, just waiting to be turned on by anything that could bring me back to life again.
Ugh! I was so pathetic. I don’t think anyone else cried themselves to sleep for two years. Or wandered the streets at night, forcing themselves to remember every detail. There must be something wrong with me, I must be broken or something.
I don't know why, but I started visiting the forest again. I would go and lay under the trees watching the sunlight filtering threw the leaves in long streams. It was so beautiful, I slept there too. I know it was dangerous but it was so peaceful. The soft whispering of wind as it ran through the trees and bushes. Or the small birds that danced in between the branches and through the sky.
I went there almost every day; it made me smile just to see all of that beauty in such simple things. My mother was worried though, she found out I was sneaking off in the night.
"What is wrong with you Allison!" she shouted at me one night. "Why can't you just be normal? Make some friends, dress properly, get a cute boyfriend. God, I don't understand why you have to make everything so difficult for everyone."
I just looked at her, not giving away any emotion. But it hurt so much, that even she thought I was some awful creature. I don’t even think she thought of me as her daughter anymore, just some thing she had to feed and house.
"It's not safe there Allison!" she had screamed before stalking off into the kitchen.
After that I rarely went home. I moved most of my clothes into the forest, keeping them protected from wind and rain in plastic bags and under trees. I was never home for more than a few hours; I couldn't bear the looks she gave me. I knew it wasn't safe, but I had never come across anyone in the forest yet. I probably never would. There were no trails on this half of the forest and nobody dared venture this far into it. Or so I had thought.
I was lying under a tree that’s' limbs nearly dragged to the ground, enjoying the green canopy that protected me from the outside. I had fallen asleep a long time ago, so I had not noticed the boy. I woke up with a start as a twig fell down and landed on my face. Looking above me to see, this boy. Probably around the same age as me, staring at me curiously.
He hung down, holding on only by his legs, to offer me his hand.
"Hi I'm Ben." he said, smiling brightly at me.
"I, um, I. Why are you here?" I finally blurted out.
"Well, I just moved here. And the view is lovely from this tree, especially now that I've seen you" he chuckled lightly.
"You really shouldn’t go wandering about this side of the forest, it's not safe." I stated, angry that he had come across my secret place.
"Well perhaps I should escort you out then." He smiled brightly again. "Seeing as it’s so dangerous."
I could see his eyes taking in my long frame lying on the ground still. The dark hair fanned out around me, the tiny little top. He reached out his hand again to me, giving me a look as if to say I won't bite. I reached up, whets the worst that cold happen.
"I'm Allison, Ally for short." I said. Looking up into hazel eyes.
He walked me home after that, we talked about everything. Why he'd moved here, where he was going to school. Anything except for that first thing he had asked me. If it's so dangerous, why are you in the forest Allison?
He didn't need to know what I was. How I was such a monster. I refused to let him see that side of me, I really liked him.