Everything Will Be Alright

We became close friends, spending every moment we had together. But we were never more than friends, even though I found myself wanting to grab that unruly brown hair and tangle my fingers in it forever, or press my lips to those soft pink lips. I found myself staring at him all the time, dreaming about things that could never be.

He had other friends to by then, so I didn't always see him. He always chose me over them though if I asked him too. But, he got mad at me sometimes. I wouldn’t answer all his questions. Like why I had no other friends at school. Why I didn’t talk to anyone else. Why I always went to the forest. And how come my eyes were always red from crying. I couldn’t tell him though, even though I should have.

He told me he had to talk with me one day. He said meet me in the forest, in the clearing near the tree where we first met. I threw on a black lacey top that showed way too much chest and my favorite black skinnies. I ran the whole way there, hoping that today he would realize just how much I really loved him. But he didn’t look happy, he looked sad. My Ben. My love. Standing there with his head low. I didn't understand who did this to him? He was always happy. His smile almost never faltering.

I walked over and swung my arms around his neck, hugging him from behind.

"What’s wrong Ben?" I asked.

"Ally, why didn't you tell me? I wouldn’t have left you Ally. You know that right?" He whispered, almost inaudibly.

"What are you talking about Ben?" I asked, panic rising up inside me.

"Ally, I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t have, but you wouldn’t tell me anything. I asked Matt and Daniel at school. I asked why you were so distant and they told me about Lily. I'm so sorry Ally." He kept going but I didn't hear the rest of what he said. Tears were streaming down my face, he knew now. He knew I was a monster.

I fell to my knees, loud sobs escaping my lips. I couldn’t stop. I cried and cried and cried. But then he was there, he was holding me and stroking my hair. Whispering things to reassure me. He didn’t leave, or look disgustedly at me. He just held me there, comforting me.

It was night time when I awoke. Crying always made me so tired, I must have fallen asleep. I stretched out to find myself curled up on Ben's lap, while he was propped up against a tree. His arms tightened around my waist as he woke up. He reached down and kissed my cheek lightly.

"Are you ok love? You know it wasn’t your fault right." He whispered softly in my ear.

I couldn’t speak; I just nodded my head and lay back down against his chest.

"Sweetie, why won’t you speak to me?" he asked, sounding worried.

I sighed, not wanting to tell him that yes, it had been my fault.

"Ally, you’re scaring me. Please, you know I love you and I would never ever leave you. Please say something to me." he begged, more alert now.

"It was all my fault" I finally whispered back at him. "The doctors even said, if I had been faster, she would have lived. Or, if we didn’t go to the forest, everything would have been fine. It’s all my fault" I broke down again sobbing relentlessly in has lap as he held me. Rocking slightly back and forth like ho you would soothe a child.

"Shh." he whispered at me. "It's ok, everything's ok now love."

When I eventually stopped crying enough to walk with him. He held me closely, as if I would disappear at any minute. He took me back to his house and down to his room in the basement where he put me to sleep in his bed.

"Promise you won’t leave?" I begged, looking over at where he had made a makeshift bed for himself on the couch.

"I promise sweet dreams Ally. It's all going to be ok."

I woke up late the next day to find Ben still sleeping. I had taken off my jeans last night so I was only in that top and my pink heart underwear. I kneeled down beside him, studying his beautiful face. I couldn’t help it any longer; I leaned over and kissed him. He woke up with a start looking around surprised and worried.

"Is everything ok? Ally hats wrong?" he asked worriedly.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I said quietly.

"Everything will be fine Ally; I'll make sure of it. I promise." he said, taking my face in his hands and forcing me to look up at him.

"I love you Ben. I love you so much." I blurted out. I Leaned in and kissed him again. But this time he kissed me back.

He pulled me up into his lap again so I was no longer kneeling on the floor, never letting his lips leave mine.

"I love you too Ally." He said into my hair, his voice caressing my skin as he kissed my neck. I shivered at the contact. But I was happy; I could feel it deep inside me. The warmth and happiness that he was giving me.

"Everything will be ok." He repeated, before bringing his lips down over mine again. And I believed him this time. I really did.