I Got Soul but I'm Not a Soldier
I got soul but I'm not a soldier, Ch.1
1
Saying goodbye to my parents was one of the hardest things I had to do in my entire life. I was sent out to fight for my country into –what I thought- this pointless and cold blooded war. But I had no choice; I was eighteen years old and fit enough to battle. “I’m going to miss you, my little boy,” my mother cried, hugging me tightly. Even though I was her oldest son and a few inches taller than her, she still called me her ‘little’ boy.
This might be the last time I see my parents, I thought. You never knew what might happen to me during this, awful, awful war. “I’ll write you as much as I can,” I promised, kissing her on the cheek. After numerous “Goodbyes” and “I love you”s, a large army truck picked me up.
In the back of the truck, sat already three men, looking as frightened as I felt. I muttered a quick ‘hello’ and sat down, clutching the little bag that was filled with some of my belongings. It was all I was allowed to take with me. ‘All soldiers will be provided with the necessary.’ were the exact words from the letter I had received about a week ago.
It had been a long and bumpy trip to our destination: the harbour. On the way, we picked up seven more men. None of us spoke too much. We were all too caught up in all of our thoughts. What is going to happen? Will I survive this? What do I have to do? Am I going to kill other men? Those were all questions that were ghosting around in our heads and none of us had an exact answer.
A lot of other trucks had already arrived at the harbour, all of them filled with anxious men, waiting for their destiny. We were divided in different troops, each troop lead by a Captain. Each group was brought to a canteen by its Captain, where we would get more information. There we were told that most of the troops that left here, were brought to Japan to fight, but that our troop wasn’t. We were going to France, where we would help the Allies to battle against the Axis.
After that, we were sent onto a boat that would bring us to France. Every soldier received their armour and other necessities. Everything was packed in a heavy backpack that we had to carry with us the entire time.
The boat trip itself was pretty long. I tried to keep count of the days, but eventually, I lost the count. One day, when we had nearly reached France, we were spotted by German airplanes. They dropped bombs, but luckily we weren’t hit and we managed to get away safely. That was the first time I feared for my life. Many times followed. Along with the other men, I prayed to God to let us survive this dangerous trip to hell.
Once we had arrived at a French harbour, we were sent to an American military base, settled in that same town. It was a town that the Axis hadn’t conquered yet, but it was still dangerous to be there.
We were brought to a large hall that looked like a sports hall of a school. It was stuffed with mattresses for us. They told us to sleep, because the following day, we were going to be brought to the battle field.
***
Most of us were still clueless about what was going to happen to us. We all had images in our heads of how it might look like, but I don’t think that anyone had imagined something like that. Wounded men, dead bodies, bullets flying around in every direction, hand grenades exploding everywhere around us, deafening screams and lots more. In other words: pure terror. I was really taken aback from all these things.
At school, I had learned about soldiers getting shell shocked during the Great War. Now I knew why. Seeing other people being killed and left lifeless in the dirt wasn’t something that you would call a pleasant sight. Dead soldiers, already half eaten by birds and insects; It was revolting.
The worst part of this was that not even half of the soldiers, Allies nor Axis, wanted to be here. Just like me, they found this war disgusting and pointless. All we wanted to do was to go back to our safe homes and live a normal life.
I don’t hate the German and Italian soldiers. They are just as unfortunate as me to be sent here. I do hate their leaders though. Anyone who is right in his head knows that Hitler and Mussolini are cruel and heartless men who just want more power and more land. Greediness is going to kill us all one day. Because that’s what this war is about, isn’t it? Having power over as much people as possible. They don’t even care that they’re destroying millions of people’s lives. It’s disgusting. But being here, I was forced to take part in this, I was forced to fight for my country.
During my first battle, I tried to hide as much as I could. I didn’t want to kill or get killed. It’s just wrong. I know that this didn’t make me worthy the title of soldier, but at least I was still human.
It was hard to stay hidden away when everyone around you was fighting. But somehow, I had managed to stay out of sight for days, until the battle was over. The Allies had won and managed to force back the Axis. I knew it was going to be hard to win this war. If we were going to win it. Or if it would ever stop. Sometimes I had the feeling this would go on until every person on this planet was killed.
When we could finally return to the military base, I was exhausted and I stayed in bed for days. Soldiers who hadn’t fought in this battle were sent out to clean up the dead bodies and maybe, hopefully, find a few more survivors. I saw the carriages with heaps of lifeless corpses pass by. I was reduced to a crying puddle. Hundreds or maybe thousands of lives were destroyed by this battle. What for? A small piece of land. Things couldn’t have been more ridiculous.
A good thing that came along with the end of this battle was that I finally had a warm bed, fresh food and a place to wash myself. I enjoyed it as much as I could because I never knew when I would have been sent back to the battlefield.
***
After a short week of rest, I was sent back to the battlefield. I didn’t like that at all. I got lucky in my first battle, but my luck couldn’t last forever. The smell of rotten bodies and explosives came to me as we arrived and I nearly had to throw up. I had almost forgotten that revolting smell. The first thing I did was looking for a good hiding place. But we were fighting on a rather flat piece of land, so it was difficult to find a perfect place to hide myself away.
I managed to hide myself for two days, but then destiny called my name. A man who was clearly not one of us spotted me. My first instinct was to grab my weapon and shoot. I shot him before he had the chance to grab his weapon. He fell down, a red spot appearing on his khaki green jacket. He was dead. I stood there, gazing at his lifeless body, not completely aware of what I had done. I was no longer better than everyone around me. I was a murderer, just like them.
The thought of having murdered someone made me feel sick and cold and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was no longer alert and before I knew what was happening, one of my fellow soldiers pulled me aside and I felt a ripping pain going through my knee. A loud scream of pure agony escaped from my lips as I collapsed on the dirty ground. Blood was pouring out of my knee and I thought I was going to bleed to death or die from the pain. Another soldier came to me and they pulled me away, after shooting the German soldier who had fired the bullet into my knee. I didn’t want them to kill him. After all, he hadn’t wanted to kill me either. He had aimed at my leg, not at my heart or my head where a bullet would have been deadly.
I blacked out from the pain and the loss of blood as I was brought to a nearby Red Cross hospital where I would have been safe. When I woke up again, I was met with a pair of the most beautiful honey brown-eyes I had ever seen.
Saying goodbye to my parents was one of the hardest things I had to do in my entire life. I was sent out to fight for my country into –what I thought- this pointless and cold blooded war. But I had no choice; I was eighteen years old and fit enough to battle. “I’m going to miss you, my little boy,” my mother cried, hugging me tightly. Even though I was her oldest son and a few inches taller than her, she still called me her ‘little’ boy.
This might be the last time I see my parents, I thought. You never knew what might happen to me during this, awful, awful war. “I’ll write you as much as I can,” I promised, kissing her on the cheek. After numerous “Goodbyes” and “I love you”s, a large army truck picked me up.
In the back of the truck, sat already three men, looking as frightened as I felt. I muttered a quick ‘hello’ and sat down, clutching the little bag that was filled with some of my belongings. It was all I was allowed to take with me. ‘All soldiers will be provided with the necessary.’ were the exact words from the letter I had received about a week ago.
It had been a long and bumpy trip to our destination: the harbour. On the way, we picked up seven more men. None of us spoke too much. We were all too caught up in all of our thoughts. What is going to happen? Will I survive this? What do I have to do? Am I going to kill other men? Those were all questions that were ghosting around in our heads and none of us had an exact answer.
A lot of other trucks had already arrived at the harbour, all of them filled with anxious men, waiting for their destiny. We were divided in different troops, each troop lead by a Captain. Each group was brought to a canteen by its Captain, where we would get more information. There we were told that most of the troops that left here, were brought to Japan to fight, but that our troop wasn’t. We were going to France, where we would help the Allies to battle against the Axis.
After that, we were sent onto a boat that would bring us to France. Every soldier received their armour and other necessities. Everything was packed in a heavy backpack that we had to carry with us the entire time.
The boat trip itself was pretty long. I tried to keep count of the days, but eventually, I lost the count. One day, when we had nearly reached France, we were spotted by German airplanes. They dropped bombs, but luckily we weren’t hit and we managed to get away safely. That was the first time I feared for my life. Many times followed. Along with the other men, I prayed to God to let us survive this dangerous trip to hell.
Once we had arrived at a French harbour, we were sent to an American military base, settled in that same town. It was a town that the Axis hadn’t conquered yet, but it was still dangerous to be there.
We were brought to a large hall that looked like a sports hall of a school. It was stuffed with mattresses for us. They told us to sleep, because the following day, we were going to be brought to the battle field.
***
Most of us were still clueless about what was going to happen to us. We all had images in our heads of how it might look like, but I don’t think that anyone had imagined something like that. Wounded men, dead bodies, bullets flying around in every direction, hand grenades exploding everywhere around us, deafening screams and lots more. In other words: pure terror. I was really taken aback from all these things.
At school, I had learned about soldiers getting shell shocked during the Great War. Now I knew why. Seeing other people being killed and left lifeless in the dirt wasn’t something that you would call a pleasant sight. Dead soldiers, already half eaten by birds and insects; It was revolting.
The worst part of this was that not even half of the soldiers, Allies nor Axis, wanted to be here. Just like me, they found this war disgusting and pointless. All we wanted to do was to go back to our safe homes and live a normal life.
I don’t hate the German and Italian soldiers. They are just as unfortunate as me to be sent here. I do hate their leaders though. Anyone who is right in his head knows that Hitler and Mussolini are cruel and heartless men who just want more power and more land. Greediness is going to kill us all one day. Because that’s what this war is about, isn’t it? Having power over as much people as possible. They don’t even care that they’re destroying millions of people’s lives. It’s disgusting. But being here, I was forced to take part in this, I was forced to fight for my country.
During my first battle, I tried to hide as much as I could. I didn’t want to kill or get killed. It’s just wrong. I know that this didn’t make me worthy the title of soldier, but at least I was still human.
It was hard to stay hidden away when everyone around you was fighting. But somehow, I had managed to stay out of sight for days, until the battle was over. The Allies had won and managed to force back the Axis. I knew it was going to be hard to win this war. If we were going to win it. Or if it would ever stop. Sometimes I had the feeling this would go on until every person on this planet was killed.
When we could finally return to the military base, I was exhausted and I stayed in bed for days. Soldiers who hadn’t fought in this battle were sent out to clean up the dead bodies and maybe, hopefully, find a few more survivors. I saw the carriages with heaps of lifeless corpses pass by. I was reduced to a crying puddle. Hundreds or maybe thousands of lives were destroyed by this battle. What for? A small piece of land. Things couldn’t have been more ridiculous.
A good thing that came along with the end of this battle was that I finally had a warm bed, fresh food and a place to wash myself. I enjoyed it as much as I could because I never knew when I would have been sent back to the battlefield.
***
After a short week of rest, I was sent back to the battlefield. I didn’t like that at all. I got lucky in my first battle, but my luck couldn’t last forever. The smell of rotten bodies and explosives came to me as we arrived and I nearly had to throw up. I had almost forgotten that revolting smell. The first thing I did was looking for a good hiding place. But we were fighting on a rather flat piece of land, so it was difficult to find a perfect place to hide myself away.
I managed to hide myself for two days, but then destiny called my name. A man who was clearly not one of us spotted me. My first instinct was to grab my weapon and shoot. I shot him before he had the chance to grab his weapon. He fell down, a red spot appearing on his khaki green jacket. He was dead. I stood there, gazing at his lifeless body, not completely aware of what I had done. I was no longer better than everyone around me. I was a murderer, just like them.
The thought of having murdered someone made me feel sick and cold and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I was no longer alert and before I knew what was happening, one of my fellow soldiers pulled me aside and I felt a ripping pain going through my knee. A loud scream of pure agony escaped from my lips as I collapsed on the dirty ground. Blood was pouring out of my knee and I thought I was going to bleed to death or die from the pain. Another soldier came to me and they pulled me away, after shooting the German soldier who had fired the bullet into my knee. I didn’t want them to kill him. After all, he hadn’t wanted to kill me either. He had aimed at my leg, not at my heart or my head where a bullet would have been deadly.
I blacked out from the pain and the loss of blood as I was brought to a nearby Red Cross hospital where I would have been safe. When I woke up again, I was met with a pair of the most beautiful honey brown-eyes I had ever seen.