Dark Side of the Moon

It was a feeling of complete numbness as I sat there, alone in my room. I knew it would come to this someday, I knew it was a bad idea to even allow Jacob to enter my room, so far out of his safe zone, I knew it..... but I didn't listen to myself. I was immediately overcome by the fear of what my father would do to Jacob and waited after Edward charged back out through my bedroom door...waited for what was sure to come next; something that would make Edward's fury look tame.

I waited.
....but nothing.

I can't begin to explain what I owe to Bella Swan, and whatever force she had over my uncle that night..... but it worked. Edward didn't tell my father, under the strict obligation that I would never go back to La Push... that I would have no contact with Jacob.. my Jacob.

What could I say? What could I do? It was a miracle already that Edward hadn't ripped him apart.... I couldn't hope for another miracle.... I couldn't risk it.

That was all the cause of my unease that night when Jacob called. I couldn't stand the thought of breaking his heart, but it would have been so much harder watching as my father broke the rest of him.

"Is there something wrong..?" he had asked me into the phone, sounding sincerely worried about me.... I wished that second that he wasn't so caring, I didn't deserve him.

"Jacob I.... I can't see you anymore." I had replied, not wanting to drag it out, worried that I would fold... I needed to be strong, for Jacob.

At first there had been no answer on the other side of the phone, he must have been in shock, or possibly angry? I would not be able to ever blame him from hating me, loathing me.....labeling me as anything and everything evil for what I was putting him through. I might not have understood much about the whole imprinting thing that the wolves did, but I knew enough about it that it only happened once, Jacob would never move on, and the both of us would ache over this....forever.

The rest of the conversation was so painful, but yet still so clear... burned into my already perfect memory. Jacob's voice had broke a few times, disbelieving everything that I had told him. He tried desperately to change my mind, going so far as to suggest the two of us running away together....I would have ran with him in a heartbeat... if I hadn't known that my father would hunt him down, and he had forever to do it... he would never had stopped.

So that was the night that I broke two hearts similtaniously.

- - - - - - - -

"Jasmine, you've been up here for weeks... it's not healthy for you..." Bella had come into my room, trying with out hope to pull me from my self made prison.

It had been like this since that night, I rarely left my room, only in the necessity that I could go no longer without food. But what did I care if I died? I only wished that it could be so simple for my kind. Edward had barely spoken to me, hell he had barely looked at me.... though I often wondered if he was prompting Bella. My father was growing suspicious at my sudden depression, but I didn't care... he could think what he wanted....

I was suprised when Bella didn't let me be, she stayed in the room with me, looking around anxiously.

"Was there something else?" I asked her, perhaps a little harsher than what I had intended, Bella was perhaps the only reason that Jacob was alive, I owed her that much credit and appreciation.

She didn't even flinch at my rude remarks, and I could feel that she understood me... Bella was the one person that could sympathize...but I didn't want sympathy.

"Jazz, you know you cant stay up here.... it hurts Jacob even more knowing that you're killing yourself like this."

I flinched, that was slightly harsh and uncalled for, though not entirely untrue.

"He wouldn't know if you would simply stop telling him."

"You know he worries, and me telling him is the only thing that keeps him from marching over here! Sure, he's heartbroken, but it breaks him even more to know that you are suffering! I cant tell you how many times I have had to reason with him, tell him that coming over here would do nothing but kill you more, and most certainly him when he marched up to Jasper..."

"He cant do that..." I suddenly felt frantic, I would endure this pain so long as it kept him safe, I wouldn't allow for him to march over here and get himself killed in the process.

"I know, Jazz.... I'm just worried that I might not be enough to stop for much longer..."

Why was she being like this? What did she expect me to do? Was there anything I could do? Of course not.... I was hopeless, pathetic.

Me and Jacob.... we were going to tear Forks apart... and with no way to stop it.

"Let's go for a drive..." Bella announced, suddenly enthusiastic.

I didn't want to ask her where we were going, Edward was home and although he couldn't read her thoughts, he could most certainly hear mine, and I couldn't help but be suspicous..... Bella might have plan.