Dark Side of the Moon

There had to be some sort of mistake. How would Jake even know where I was? I had caught a plane to Alaska specifically so that he would not be able to track me, and yet my father was still convinced that somehow he had found a way to know my whereabouts.

“I don’t understand!” I finally broke down, almost screaming my frustrations to Kate and Carmen after we had made it back to the house. “We took a plane, how could he possibly-?”

Carmen sighed loudly, obviously at a loss for an answer herself.

“We’re not sure, Jasmine.. But the thing is, Alice had a vision - not of him of course, since she cant see them… but a vision that somehow you’ve disappeared. And then, when the.. Erm.. wolf.. went missing I guess everybody just put two and two together.” Kate reasoned.

My shock had to be evident as I felt my heart rising up from my chest, was it really possible that I could see him again? And soon…?

Of course there was the part of me that hoped it had to be some sort of mistake, a coincidence. Jacob showing up to retrieve me would only put more weight against the treaty line; a line that was sure to snap if we kept pushing ourselves to be together.

Jake and I were like magnets, we were pulled together, and powerfully…. But there would always be that other side of us that seemed it could never hold; a part that, even if we didn’t want it to, would always be pushing us away from each other. How could that be possible? What reason could there possibly be for me and Jacob to love each other, but to be forced apart forever?

Maybe Edward was right, maybe we were soulless, maybe we were damned…for I could not think of any God that would create two beings with such love for each other, only to torture them with an illusion that they could never fully grasp.

- - - - - - -

Jasmine’s scent was growing stronger by the minute and I could feel that I was becoming close to her. A new energy surged through me and I pushed myself forward at an even more rapid pace; eager to close the gap once and for all.

I whisked sharply through the forest, bolting around trees and flying over bushes just as the trail did. The scent grew even stronger, and it was as I leaped around what felt like it would be the final curve through the trees that I saw it.

Jasmine’s jacket lying limp against the trunk of a large tree; absent from her.
She had never come this way.
Probably had never even been here.

My heart sunk as I phased back to my human form to pick up the jacket and hold it tightly to my chest. They laid a trap and I had been so quick to fall into it; so desperate to find her that I had gotten my hopes up only to be crushed and left even more empty handed than before… and after all of that I didn’t even have the hope of being closer to finding her.

My body began to twitch and pulsate rapidly as my clenched fists grasped tighter to the cloth between them. I gritted my teeth together tightly, trying my hardest to suppress the raging growl that I could feel rupturing within me, but to no avail. I knew it would come. And as it did I felt my body give one last surge as it sprung back into my wolf form, shredding the fabrics into hundreds of tiny particles as I phased.

My paws pounded the dirt below me as I roared loudly; a single tear escaping itself into my fur. I felt so stupid for hoping; but even worse that I could not run to her. I could not save her from where she was banished. I couldn’t be everything she needed right then and there.. Hell, I couldn’t be anything.

I quickly bolted towards La Push, eager to be with my brothers; I had to believe there was another way.

I forced myself off of the trail that I had followed to that spot; suddenly repulsed by the scent that had tricked me so successfully. The scent was no longer comforting; it no longer held the promises that it once had; all it served as was a constant reminder of my failure.

- - - - - -

Tanya and my father had returned before nightfall; obviously after no sign of my Jacob.

I knew that neither of them were happy with me at that moment; but was more relieved to have them scolding me in the house than to imagine them out looking for him; not wanting to think about what the outcome would be. I couldn’t win either way.

“Jasmine, what you did today was completely reckless. I specifically asked you not to venture out when Irina was hunting! Do you have any idea what could have happened if you would have caught her off guard?” Tanya scolded; I could tell that she didn’t want to yell at me; she simply had been genuinely worried for my safety.

“She did find me.” I blurted, strictly for the sake of argument. What could it hurt if they found out now? Obviously with Jacob being M.I.A. I would never be allowed out of the house without escort.

Tanya’s eyes grew wide, but I refused to comment further; I didn’t feel the need to review a play-by-play of the events that had occurred between Irina and myself; mostly because I didn’t want to think about how it almost ended.

Luckily, before she even had the chance to pry, I heard soft footsteps coming into the living room where we had been sitting. I turned my body in the couch, looking to what had been behind me, and saw my father standing quietly in the entryway. For the first time since he had found out about Jacob and myself, he did not look at me with the same angered expression. His face was sunken, almost pained, and I could see that he was fighting some sort of internal battle with himself.

The emotions radiating off of him confused me greatly; pain, remorse, uncertainty…worry; but not anger.

“Dad?” I called out to him, not sure if I should be worried myself. It was unlike him to keep himself so quiet and distant from me, even in some of his most emotional states.

There came no verbal reply at first; instead he simply looked at me, slightly saddened, and nodded his head from side to side. When he finally did speak it wasn’t until after he had walked over to me, slower than necessary, and pulled me into a tight, fatherly embrace.

“I missed you, kid.” he had said, and I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around my father tightly, having missed him too even though I had been so upset with him.

“I love you, daddy.” I whispered, allowing for the few tears that had formed to fall silently down my face.

It didn’t take long before we pulled apart and he turned to leave the room, radiating more waves of hurt and confusion behind him; looking miserable as ever… but I no longer felt the confusion, having realized that that emotion had been all mine… and so were the others. I realized just then, that all the pained feelings my father was being forced to feel were simply my emotions.

And then it all became so clear. Just being around me forced him to live in the pain that I felt everyday since leaving Jacob; the pain that he had banished me to.