Finding True Love

We eventually got back to his house and immediatelyall of the Jonas’ {including Danielle}came over to us. They didn’t say anything though, we all just stood there with sad expressions.

“Nick why don’t you go get Lil out of these clothes before she gets a cold,” Denise suggested and Nick just nodded as we began to walk away from them.

When we got to the stairs, he placed a hand at the small of my back and I tensed up slightly because for a minutes I felt like it was Joe’s hand…I think Nick felt me tense because he snatched his hand back to his side and we just continued walking up the stairs. We walked into his room and I stood there, by the closed door as he went to his dresser and grabbed a pair of his pajama pants, a pair of boxers and a big shirt and he came back over to me.

“You can change yourself right…don’t need my help?” he questioned with a smirk, attempting to joke and I did my best to show a smile at his attempt but I just couldn’t.

I showed him through my eyes that I appreciated it so he just nodded and I walked into his bathroom.

I changed into his boxers and his pajama pants, my bra was only kind of wet so I kept it on and I put his shirt on and put my wet clothes in his dirty clothes pile. Nick and I have been best friends for as long as I can remember…I met Joe through him…so it’s not like it was so weird of me to wear his clothes…I’m 25 and he’s 23, I think it’s okay *note sarcasm*.

I looked into the mirror and I looked like hell. My mascara was smeared everywhere and my hair was straggly…I looked so drained and pathetic. I sobbed once and then bent over the sink and leaned my head on my arms as I leaned on the sink for support.

“Nick,” I called out.

I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. I bent down slightly but before I could sob again, Nick was beside me and he immediately wrapped his arm around me and helped me walk out into his bathroom. He helped me lay down on his bed and I just laid there…doing nothing.

I already saw Denise break down when it happened yesterday…it was such a horrible thing to see…I saw Frankie crying with her…and Danielle was there too, she was balling into Kevin’s shoulder…I even saw Kevin and Paul shed a tear…I did that to them. I know Nick says it’s not my fault…but how can I not think it is? I know Nick wants to cry too…and I’m pretty sure he did at the hospital…but I know for a fact he wants to but isn’t because I’m here and he feels he has to be “strong” for me. He’s so wrong though…I want him to cry…not in the mean way…but I want him to cry with me, get it out of his system and just cry his eyes out with me here.

I was laying more in the middle of his bed so he swiftly moved onto the bed next to me and I just stared blankly into his eyes as he stared back…I saw Joe in him though so I squinted hard and looked away as more tears came.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he whispered as he wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close.

“It hurts Nick,” I said at an audible whisper.

“I know…I wish I could make the pain go away LJ…but it will go away soon,” he soothed.

I winced at his nickname for me. LJ. My name is Lilly Jane Thomas and ever since Nick found out my middle name, hes called me LJ ever since…but I winced because Joe used that name for me too when we were kidding around and just joking and teasing. The memory hurt.

When you look me in the eyes
And tell me that you love me
Everything’s alright
When you’re right here by my side…

He was singing the song. It’s been such a long time since that song has been mentioned but Joe sang that to me so many times I cant remember. It was our song. Nick knows that too…but he kept singing it. It hurt…and I felt the emptiness where my heart used to be…but as I cried…I was eventually asleep.