My Conscience Called in Sick Again
Just So You Know, You’ll Never Know
Liam Hurley was 32 years old and had two older brothers and a little sister. Liam Hurley had natural blond hair and dark blue eyes. Liam Hurley hardly reminded of Lee in any way except for their body language. Liam Hurley was my boyfriend now.
Liam was my new boyfriend and had been so in two month. Three weeks after that day we had met on the AA meeting and he had asked me out for a cup of coffee.
Of course, it hadn’t been a cup of coffee, it had been very much bear. It was first the day after when I had woke up in his apartment that I thought that it was weird that an AA- therapist drank so much and with a former ‘client’ too on top of that.
There were just a few small problems.
“Can’t we just stay home? I don’t feel like going out.” Liam begged while pouring up coffee to both of us.
That’s one of them. He never wanted to go anywhere. Nobody knew that he was gay and together with me.
We lived in a lie.
“We never go out Liam. I’m tired of just sit home.” I complained while taking the cup from him. “It’s just like you are ashamed of me.”
“I’m not ashamed of you.” he sighed and sat down in my knee. Just the way Lee always had used to do. With one leg between my legs and his other leg dangling at the side and his arms wrapped around my neck. “I really love you, but I’m not ready to come out yet.”
That’s another problem. I liked him. He was a better comfort after Lee then the other guys, but he still wasn’t Lee. Liam loved me. At least that was what he said. I didn’t quite trust him so often.
“I love you too. But please let us just go out his time?”
Liar liar pants on fire.
“I said no!” Angry he stood up and pushed the cup out of my hand so that it landed with a crash on the floor. “Damn it! Look what you did! Can’t you just listen to me?!”
That was the third and biggest problem. He was abusive. And he didn’t care if he hurt me so much so that I couldn’t move proper for days. He just used to laugh at me.
“I’m sorry.” I said with out any bit of regret. “I didn’t want to make you angry.”
“To late for that. Clean up this fucking mess and then you can go home.” With an irritated look he left. Leaving me alone in his kitchen.
I knew that he didn’t just meant that I would take up the teacup from the floor, he meant the mess in his entire apartment.
I could hear his front door slam shut and stood up with a deep sigh I just had to do what he had said.
I knew that he liked to hurt me and to see me suffer, but what he didn’t knew was that I enjoyed it. That was the reason to why he was a better comfort then anyone else. Liam made me for a few minutes every day forget everything that had with Lee to do.
For that I actually loved him. And that’s the reason to why I still was together with him. That’s the reason to why I didn’t cared if people looked after me when I had got a new black-eye or bruise in my face. Just because he made me forget my love.
Liam favoured to hit me in the face, to see how the bruises slowly changed colour and how my lip brook from his fists. He loved to see the small marks he had created and that he thought meant didn’t stop me from loving him. He thought that it was because of love that I stuck with him. He doesn’t know how wrong he was.
---
“You could have done it better.”
It was two and a half hour later and I was just done with the whole cleaning. I was on my way out to the hall to take on my jacket when he came back.
“I did my best.” I looked down at the floor. He loved when I looked pathetic, it made him swell inside by the thought that he had any kind of power at all over me.
“It doesn’t shows.” He stepped closer to me and I could feel his body being pressed against mine. “Where do you think that you are going?”
“Home. You told me to go home when I was done.”
“Liar. I can’t remember saying that.” He slapped me over my face and took a hold on my waist with the other hand.
“I must have heard wrong.” My cheek was burning and I could feel his breath against my lips, but I kept my eyes on the floor. Just like I knew that he wanted me to. “Sorry Liam.”
“Sorry wont due.”
But a fuck would.
He didn’t even finish the sentence, we both knew the end of it. Instead he just grabbed my hair and dragged me towards the bedroom.
We were always at his place. I couldn’t stand to think that this man would set his foot in the same apartment that perfect little Lee had been so often. And I knew that he just would want us to have sex in the bed. I couldn’t stand that thought.
No-one was allowed to touch the bed.
Except the love of my life.
Liam was my new boyfriend and had been so in two month. Three weeks after that day we had met on the AA meeting and he had asked me out for a cup of coffee.
Of course, it hadn’t been a cup of coffee, it had been very much bear. It was first the day after when I had woke up in his apartment that I thought that it was weird that an AA- therapist drank so much and with a former ‘client’ too on top of that.
There were just a few small problems.
“Can’t we just stay home? I don’t feel like going out.” Liam begged while pouring up coffee to both of us.
That’s one of them. He never wanted to go anywhere. Nobody knew that he was gay and together with me.
We lived in a lie.
“We never go out Liam. I’m tired of just sit home.” I complained while taking the cup from him. “It’s just like you are ashamed of me.”
“I’m not ashamed of you.” he sighed and sat down in my knee. Just the way Lee always had used to do. With one leg between my legs and his other leg dangling at the side and his arms wrapped around my neck. “I really love you, but I’m not ready to come out yet.”
That’s another problem. I liked him. He was a better comfort after Lee then the other guys, but he still wasn’t Lee. Liam loved me. At least that was what he said. I didn’t quite trust him so often.
“I love you too. But please let us just go out his time?”
Liar liar pants on fire.
“I said no!” Angry he stood up and pushed the cup out of my hand so that it landed with a crash on the floor. “Damn it! Look what you did! Can’t you just listen to me?!”
That was the third and biggest problem. He was abusive. And he didn’t care if he hurt me so much so that I couldn’t move proper for days. He just used to laugh at me.
“I’m sorry.” I said with out any bit of regret. “I didn’t want to make you angry.”
“To late for that. Clean up this fucking mess and then you can go home.” With an irritated look he left. Leaving me alone in his kitchen.
I knew that he didn’t just meant that I would take up the teacup from the floor, he meant the mess in his entire apartment.
I could hear his front door slam shut and stood up with a deep sigh I just had to do what he had said.
I knew that he liked to hurt me and to see me suffer, but what he didn’t knew was that I enjoyed it. That was the reason to why he was a better comfort then anyone else. Liam made me for a few minutes every day forget everything that had with Lee to do.
For that I actually loved him. And that’s the reason to why I still was together with him. That’s the reason to why I didn’t cared if people looked after me when I had got a new black-eye or bruise in my face. Just because he made me forget my love.
Liam favoured to hit me in the face, to see how the bruises slowly changed colour and how my lip brook from his fists. He loved to see the small marks he had created and that he thought meant didn’t stop me from loving him. He thought that it was because of love that I stuck with him. He doesn’t know how wrong he was.
---
“You could have done it better.”
It was two and a half hour later and I was just done with the whole cleaning. I was on my way out to the hall to take on my jacket when he came back.
“I did my best.” I looked down at the floor. He loved when I looked pathetic, it made him swell inside by the thought that he had any kind of power at all over me.
“It doesn’t shows.” He stepped closer to me and I could feel his body being pressed against mine. “Where do you think that you are going?”
“Home. You told me to go home when I was done.”
“Liar. I can’t remember saying that.” He slapped me over my face and took a hold on my waist with the other hand.
“I must have heard wrong.” My cheek was burning and I could feel his breath against my lips, but I kept my eyes on the floor. Just like I knew that he wanted me to. “Sorry Liam.”
“Sorry wont due.”
But a fuck would.
He didn’t even finish the sentence, we both knew the end of it. Instead he just grabbed my hair and dragged me towards the bedroom.
We were always at his place. I couldn’t stand to think that this man would set his foot in the same apartment that perfect little Lee had been so often. And I knew that he just would want us to have sex in the bed. I couldn’t stand that thought.
No-one was allowed to touch the bed.
Except the love of my life.