My Conscience Called in Sick Again
I’m Mailing Letters To Addresses In A Ghost Town
Lawrence Stanford.
Here you have it Lee, everything on black and white. All the lies and promises and thoughts. Written just for you.
I am so sorry for everything I did to you. I hope that you some day maybe can forgive me.
I don’t know why I said what I said, and what you can see (if you now cared to read everything) that I never got to know why I even did it. I hated myself for the rest of my life because I made you cry.
I just hope that we are even now.
If it makes you feel better and maybe get you to forgive me easier, I am really scared now. The gun lies besides me while I’m writing this, and my heart is beating faster and faster, 2000 light-years away.
So fast that only you have made it beat before. I hope that it won’t hurt too much. I just got one chance to do this. But oh god, I’m terrified. But this is for you my love, you and no-one else.
Like I said, I will love you to death.
Did you notice that I took lines from the song’s you always were singing on back when we were together as chapter titles?
Oh god. I am out on words but I keep writing because I’m too scared over what will happen when the pen is down.
But now it’s over. I’m out of words.
I still love you Lee and always will.
Yours forever. Kevin. <3
Lee looks up from the handwritten note along with the computer written papers. Both the papers and the note had been stanched with tears and blood. The tears belong to Lee and the blood is Kevin’s. Kevin actually did what he said this time. He shot himself and now Lee is holding the last thing ever written by Kevin in his hands.
“Oh god…”
The papers are slowly falling down to the floor when Lee at least let what he has just spent the past hours to read sink in. Lee is the reason to why Kevin right now is lying with a hole in the head at the ubducent.
“Kevin, I’m sorry.” Lee mumbled while sinking down on his knees at the floor. “I still love you too, it didn’t had to be this way. It shouldn’t. I love you still”
He looks at the papers surrendering him. Every since that day he had forced his brother to pick up his stuff at Kevin’s apartment he had regret it. He often thought back and wondered if anything would have change if it was him and not Terrence that had got there instead.
Probably. Kevin would probably still be alive.
The feeling in Lee was too big for tears, he was nothing more then an empty hole now. He had lost the one thing that had kept him up four the last five years. The thought of being able to see Kevin once again.
How often hadn’t Lee wondered if Kevin had seen him too when he had sneaked around outside Kevin’s apartment and in the store that Lee knew that Kevin always bought his food just to get a small glint of Kevin? Now he knew that he had. The papers were the witness on that. It brook Lee‘s heart even more to now that Kevin had seen him with Spencer. How could he possible be so stupid? Why take Spencer with him everywhere he went? Why take him with him when it was the love of his life he was spying on?
Lee could feel how tears was falling down his cheeks, but that was really the only thing he felt right know.
"I just hope that we are even now.”
“I’m so sorry.” Lee whispered down to the papers, hoping that Kevin where ever he was would hear him. “I should have come back. I should. It’s all my fault. I still love you baby, Rush. I don’t love Spencer, I never did. I always loved you. Nobody else. Just you.”
When Lee stood up four hours later he already knew exactly what to do.
It would go quick and easy.
No regrets.
Like in trance Lee walked out from Kevin’s apartment, out from the bedroom he still dreamed so much about. The bedroom that had occupied so much of Kevin’s thoughts.
He walked down the hall, but didn’t take the stares that lead to the streets. No, he took the stares that went up to the roof.
With tears flooding down his cheeks Lee looked out at all the bright streetlights and passing by cars underneath him. He could understand the feeling Kevin wrote that he had had. The feeling when you knew that you had a chose to do what you wanted. But if you didn’t chose the one that made your heart beat faster then ever before you would regret yourself for ever.
No regrets.
With a heart that beat fast in just that way it only had done two times before he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
‘You’re the only one that ever can make my heart beat this way Kevin.’ He thought ‘The first time I saw you. The time you took my virginity. It was only you and will always be.’[/]
Four words in a whisper.
“I love you Kevin.”
Three seconds to slowly open his eyes again and to look at the ring on his left hand.
Two seconds thinking of unspoken words ‘I do.’
One step forward.
The last thing Lee saw before hitting the street walk was Kevin’s crying face.
(A/N: DON*T HATE ME!! I like the story O_O and so did you, admit it..... I cried writting the end, how patethic is that? >_< *sigh* now I gonna go jump off a building......)
Here you have it Lee, everything on black and white. All the lies and promises and thoughts. Written just for you.
I am so sorry for everything I did to you. I hope that you some day maybe can forgive me.
I don’t know why I said what I said, and what you can see (if you now cared to read everything) that I never got to know why I even did it. I hated myself for the rest of my life because I made you cry.
I just hope that we are even now.
If it makes you feel better and maybe get you to forgive me easier, I am really scared now. The gun lies besides me while I’m writing this, and my heart is beating faster and faster, 2000 light-years away.
So fast that only you have made it beat before. I hope that it won’t hurt too much. I just got one chance to do this. But oh god, I’m terrified. But this is for you my love, you and no-one else.
Like I said, I will love you to death.
Did you notice that I took lines from the song’s you always were singing on back when we were together as chapter titles?
Oh god. I am out on words but I keep writing because I’m too scared over what will happen when the pen is down.
But now it’s over. I’m out of words.
I still love you Lee and always will.
Yours forever. Kevin. <3
Lee looks up from the handwritten note along with the computer written papers. Both the papers and the note had been stanched with tears and blood. The tears belong to Lee and the blood is Kevin’s. Kevin actually did what he said this time. He shot himself and now Lee is holding the last thing ever written by Kevin in his hands.
“Oh god…”
The papers are slowly falling down to the floor when Lee at least let what he has just spent the past hours to read sink in. Lee is the reason to why Kevin right now is lying with a hole in the head at the ubducent.
“Kevin, I’m sorry.” Lee mumbled while sinking down on his knees at the floor. “I still love you too, it didn’t had to be this way. It shouldn’t. I love you still”
He looks at the papers surrendering him. Every since that day he had forced his brother to pick up his stuff at Kevin’s apartment he had regret it. He often thought back and wondered if anything would have change if it was him and not Terrence that had got there instead.
Probably. Kevin would probably still be alive.
The feeling in Lee was too big for tears, he was nothing more then an empty hole now. He had lost the one thing that had kept him up four the last five years. The thought of being able to see Kevin once again.
How often hadn’t Lee wondered if Kevin had seen him too when he had sneaked around outside Kevin’s apartment and in the store that Lee knew that Kevin always bought his food just to get a small glint of Kevin? Now he knew that he had. The papers were the witness on that. It brook Lee‘s heart even more to now that Kevin had seen him with Spencer. How could he possible be so stupid? Why take Spencer with him everywhere he went? Why take him with him when it was the love of his life he was spying on?
Lee could feel how tears was falling down his cheeks, but that was really the only thing he felt right know.
"I just hope that we are even now.”
“I’m so sorry.” Lee whispered down to the papers, hoping that Kevin where ever he was would hear him. “I should have come back. I should. It’s all my fault. I still love you baby, Rush. I don’t love Spencer, I never did. I always loved you. Nobody else. Just you.”
When Lee stood up four hours later he already knew exactly what to do.
It would go quick and easy.
No regrets.
Like in trance Lee walked out from Kevin’s apartment, out from the bedroom he still dreamed so much about. The bedroom that had occupied so much of Kevin’s thoughts.
He walked down the hall, but didn’t take the stares that lead to the streets. No, he took the stares that went up to the roof.
With tears flooding down his cheeks Lee looked out at all the bright streetlights and passing by cars underneath him. He could understand the feeling Kevin wrote that he had had. The feeling when you knew that you had a chose to do what you wanted. But if you didn’t chose the one that made your heart beat faster then ever before you would regret yourself for ever.
No regrets.
With a heart that beat fast in just that way it only had done two times before he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
‘You’re the only one that ever can make my heart beat this way Kevin.’ He thought ‘The first time I saw you. The time you took my virginity. It was only you and will always be.’[/]
Four words in a whisper.
“I love you Kevin.”
Three seconds to slowly open his eyes again and to look at the ring on his left hand.
Two seconds thinking of unspoken words ‘I do.’
One step forward.
The last thing Lee saw before hitting the street walk was Kevin’s crying face.
(A/N: DON*T HATE ME!! I like the story O_O and so did you, admit it..... I cried writting the end, how patethic is that? >_< *sigh* now I gonna go jump off a building......)