From Square One to Point B

Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, it’s quite impossible to expect the unexpected.

Sure, one can prepare themselves for as many scenarios as possible, but I think subconsciously we choose to prepare ourselves for things we want, or events that seem most likely to occur.

Of course, there are the stubborn few like myself that try so hard to accommodate for those things that we can’t quite foresee that we totally lose sight of the likelihoods- both beautiful and terrifying- that are standing right before us.

So, in this obstinate accommodation, I have totally and utterly blind-sighted myself from what had been steadily approaching on the horizon and, the way I see it, made the effects that much more extreme.

This is the realization that is crossing my mind at quite an inopportune moment.

There are too many people here, enjoying themselves and the small party that he had arranged at his house.

It would just be too embarrassing.

I kept my eyes focused on the television in front of me, and shifted into a more comfortable position on Shane’s parents’ lumpy futon.

Neither of us like huge drunken parties much, so we decided to have some friends over at his house for a little get together; it was hardly a party.

I mean, we were watching Harry Potter, for God’s sake.

I leaned forward and grabbed a pretzel out of the bowl on the coffee table, hindered in this motion only slightly by Shane’s arm resting on my shoulders.

I was suddenly quite exhausted, and still feeling slightly daunted by a certain realization that I’m sure some of the couples around me have faced already.

I leaned into Shane, resting my head on his shoulder. I let my eyes wander over the other people sitting in the basement with us.

Morgan and Travis had been together since the summer going into ninth grade. Jessica and Brett, together since eighth grade.

But, a year-- as long as Shane and I have had-- is still long enough to give love a chance, surely?

I’d had boyfriends before, but they were more what you would call “boyfriends.” Both myself and whoever I was in a relationship with at the time didn't really know what it meant to be in a relationship.

Seventh graders could hardly grasp this feeling, I’m sure of that now.

I look at Elaine sitting alone on the floor, and remember her and her middle school boyfriend. I feel slightly odd analyzing other people’s relationships like this, but I can’t help but reminisce at how Elaine and Michael had been so close.

They had been best friends, and I was sure at the time they were in love… How could I be sure then, that this was actually it?

I sigh, and Shane looks at me, smiling.

He leans over and rests his head on top of mine, and I relax, taking his hand in my own.
I still can’t help but force the fact into my mind; I was going to tell him. I’d never thought anticipating this task would be so infuriatingly… frightening.

I try to focus on Harry Potter and the shelves of collapsing orbs surrounding him, the doom that is surely impending upon him and his friends but…

Maybe I’ve just read the books too many times by now.

As hard as I try, I can’t pretend to be worried; I know they get out of it virtually unscathed.
I look at the actress that plays Ginny Weasly.

She really is pretty, I think. Am I beautiful enough for love? I’ve never thought very highly of myself; I suppose I have a bit of a complex, which I can blame modern times for. What with all the magazines and TV shows, who doesn't suffer from a little bit of low self esteem every now and then?

However, isn’t love supposed to be blind?

That can’t be true though.

Reproduction is all about survival of the fittest. We’re animals, after all.

Why else do human females typically find muscular men so appealing? Because they are fit and they’re in shape enough to take care of a female’s young.

It’s the way nature works (in however a simplified manner).

Nevertheless, I find myself trying to disprove this notion, though I know it’s pretty much the bottom line, when it comes to mating.

I tell myself that humans are evolved creatures; that we are able to look past physical flaws because of our feelings.

I don’t know for sure whether we are the only animals to experience love, but I do sort of doubt it.

And here I go again, trying to convince myself further that there will be no embarrassment in admitting the feelings that I’ve disregarded for a shockingly long time.

I sigh again as the credits begin to roll.

I whisper to Shane that I’m tired- it is around two AM, after all- and he tells me he’d be happy to drive me home. I smile and give him a quick kiss while he notifies his parents (who are of course present at what would probably be regarded as the lamest party of all time by an outsider) that he'll be gone briefly.

I climb into his father’s car with him, and we fill the car ride with absent chatter, mostly pertaining to Harry Potter.

We arrive at my house not ten minutes later. I lean across my seat and give him a kiss, longer and sweeter than the one we shared at the house.

We both pull away, but I don’t exit the car immediately; instead I grasp his hand.
I look into his eyes, reasonably familiar to me by now, and feel a blush coming before I even speak.

I find myself looking at my dirtied flip flops on the floor of the car instead of his face when I finally whisper.

I say it so quietly, it’s a wonder that he hears me.

“I love you.”

I don’t think I could have left the car in one piece if he hadn’t spoken back.

But when he finally did, I felt like every person should. Like I was at least good enough for someone, that however little foresight I had had when it came to expecting the unexpected, it worked out nonetheless.

I smiled as he whispered, and the blush deepened on my freckled complexion.

“I love you, too.”