Legion Of Rockstars

I tried not to think about Jimmy’s harsh words as we rushed down hallway after hallway of the Jonas/Cyrus Headquarters. I needed to focus, but his evil words, said in the meanest growl I’d ever heard from him, kept finding itself at the forefront of my thought process. I snapped out of it, telling myself once he knew the truth he’d take it all back. He meant them now, but once I explained, he would realize how wrong he really was about what I’d been doing after I “betrayed” rock.

I shoved open a heavy wooden door. A spiraling concrete staircase descended down into darkness beyond it. I pulled my flip-flops off and started fearlessly down the staircase, the rough concrete digging into the soles of my bare feet. Jimmy pushed the door shut behind him, putting us in near darkness, but still I hurried down the staircase, not knowing when Miley and those idiot Jonas Brothers would find me out.

Finally, we reached the bottom of the tightly coiled staircase. As the two of us emerged out into the room, the blue-tinted lights overhead flashed on at our movement. Sitting right there in the center of the garage was a cherry red Ferrari. It was flashy, but other than a bright orange Challenger and a banana yellow Camaro, it was all those fools had by way of transportation.

I pulled the keys out of my pocket and unlocked it. Jimmy walked around to the passenger side as I pulled open the driver side door. We climbed in and slammed our doors shut at the exact same time.

“Is there a GPS device in this?” Jimmy asked uncertainly.

“Yeah,” I answered. “But I disconnected it. Would’ve smashed it right over Miley’s stupid airhead, too, if I’d had the time.”

I slipped the key into the ignition and the car came to life with a quiet roar. I pushed a button, and the garage door in front of us slid slowly upward to reveal an open expanse of desert. In the distance, I could see a black paved road slicing through the sand. I pressed on the gas, and the car slid smoothly out onto the dirt. I directed it towards the road and sped up slightly, wanting to get as far away as soon as possible.

Once we reached the safety of the pavement and had been driving along it for several minutes, I exclaimed, “Finally, now I can say ‘fuck’ and ‘shit’ and ‘damn’ without them constantly telling me to watch my language, like I’m a fucking child or something. And this stupid blonde wig is really starting to piss me off...” I reached up and grabbed the blonde hair right at the edge of my forehead, pulling it back to reveal my normal hair beneath, neon green and white streaks and all. The bobby pins that’d been holding the wig secure popped off as I pulled the wig away, pinging off the windshield and landing in mine and Jimmy’s laps. I threw the stupid blonde wig in the back, running a hand through my hair to shake it out.

“So, you have an explanation for everything?” Jimmy asked. His voice held a mean tone that sent an odd little shiver down my back. I felt like a little kid being told off by a mean teacher. I looked around at him, and the sunlight fell across a bruise on his jaw I’d made just a day or so earlier.

With a deep breath, I began. “Miley and the brothers offered me a choice when they first came to visit me after we were kidnapped. They said I could join their little group or die. I knew I could never make it as a pop clone, but death didn’t sound like much of a plan either, so I compromised. I lied and told them that I would gladly betray my genre, but really, I could never betray such a fabulous genre as rock. I decided to pretend to be a little pop clone, but really the whole time, I was searching for a weakness and making a plan to get us both the hell out of there.

“I constantly observed them the entire time. I wanted to know their inner workings and their weaknesses. As it turns out, all four of them are extremely petty and foolish where their hearts are concerned. None of them seemed to have a clue how to turn their hearts off to some stuff, and it made them vulnerable all the way through. So, I let out the inner whore in me and turned them all against each other by going from Joe to Nick, which got Joe mad at Nick, and then from Nick to Kevin, which would cause a rift between the three brothers and also between Kevin and Miley. It was a success. Once they do learn I was a fraud the whole time, they still won’t be able to forgive each other. They’ll be disorganized and unfocused, making them an easier target than ever. And, I know exactly where their headquarters is relative to our headquarters,” I concluded, feeling a little proud of myself. I’d been worried it would sound stupid saying it out loud, but it actually sounded like a feasible plan to me.

“I thought the only reason you tortured me was so they could figure out where our headquarters was, since you didn’t have a clue,” Jimmy said coldly. I looked over again, and our eyes met: his were like ice, burrowing deep inside mine and turning my insides cold at his disapproval with me.

“I honestly didn’t,” I answered. “I wasn’t sure where headquarters is relative to anywhere, but I’ve been studying maps and I memorized a way to get from their headquarters to our headquarters.” I paused for a moment before continuing, “Listen, Jimmy, I’m so sorry I had to hit you. And I had to mean it, too, or they’d get suspicious. I knew if my plan didn’t work out, and if my acting wasn’t as top-notch as I needed it to be, everything would fall in upon itself and we’d both be in big trouble. I didn’t want to hurt you, honest. You’d always been there for me, Jimmy, and it really hurt knowing that I would have to hurt you. But I had to, and I can understand if you don’t forgive me.”

Then, I fell silent, my story told, and waited patiently for Jimmy to respond.