Let Go

“I saw you two getting quite cozy last night.”

The bright light of my cell phone screen lit up against my sleepy eyes as I slammed my hand down on the nightstand to search for the device. The bold letters of Todd graced the top of the alert as I rolled my eyes, laying my head back down on the pillow. Last night was still something that buzzed about my mind, and it didn’t take my surrogate brother’s text messages to remind me of it. Slowly running my fingertips over the jersey which still rested on my chest, a cold chill shot down my spine as I remembered the words that graced the back.

Twitch.
What had that boy done to me?

The desert sunrise had filtered through my window, painting pinks and oranges like a canvas across my view. It was cold in my lowly lit bedroom, and I curled my bare legs beneath the covers as I turned myself over into the inked chest I had become familiar with, my stomach doing flips as I forced a goofy smile from forming across my lips.

“You should probably get going,” I spoke into Jeremy’s neck, the words trickling off my lips.

Feeling him stir beside me, I settled back into the covers until Jeremy came completely to. A smile cracked across his lips, eyes still shut, as I laid my head on his shoulder. Todd was going to chew me out, Deegan was going to have his head, but I couldn’t care less at this moment. I took myself back to the moment we had under the stars the prior night, and how safe I felt laying there in his arms. It was a comforting warmness which I had almost forgotten existed, and it was something I wasn’t willing to let go of. Slowly, Jeremy turned around, giving me a peck on the lips. And, as I returned the gesture, his nose ruffled into a fit, a tick soon thrashing his head against my skin.

“Why would I ever want to leave you here?”

“I just figured…”

“Well, you figured wrong.” He smiled, softly cradling the sides of my face and pulling me into a soft kiss.

The warm sun was now trickling down my tanned skin, swirling around with the feeling circling inside my core. My heart was pounding, and I hoped he wouldn’t notice. It wasn’t like me to feel like this, infatuated with his presence; but I was, and I couldn’t figure out why, not that I ever would want to. My hands were situated on his hipbone, and as we broke apart, I laid my head upon his chest, listening to the hallow sound his lungs made with each breath he took. His heart was racing, and with that a tiny giggle escaped from my lips.

“Then let’s at least go downstairs Twitchy, I think we’ve had our fun out here.” I laughed as I saw him nod.
As we both gathered our clothing, I pulled on a pair of cloth shorts and pulled open the window to the outside. A warm gust of August air blew past my face as I peered out over the baked desert ground. How had I forgotten how the early morning called me to my bike; it was truly a mystery. Jeremy was pulling his jeans around his hips as I turned back, glancing towards me, and extending his hand witch I graciously took. Together we rushed down the stairs, feeling my feet trot against the wood, until we reached the living room, out looking the terrain through the large glass doors.

“Well, if I’m not leaving, then let’s take a ride.” He suggested, tossing me my helmet from its perch atop my coffee table.

“Jeremy, it’s like nine in the morning, and my neighbors are still sleeping.” I laughed, tossing it back to him, “I’d like to make a good impression on them if that’s too hard to ask.”

He didn’t listen, pushing open the door and walking out onto my patio towards the shop. Like a puppy I followed as he opened the garage, gesturing towards my bike until I finally gave in and entered along with him. Weeks ago, this place felt like hell; the familiar scents of oil and gasoline like poison to my senses. Viewing upon the decorated walls, it all felt like a dream. It had been ages since I raced, and only a short time ago, I was telling myself that’s all it would be. Jeremy was off in the corner, dusting off what looked like a picture frame with his shirt. I already knew what he had found before the words could slip from his lips.

“That was taken at my first championship race,” I explained while mounting the bike atop its stand, “Jeremy was so proud of me, but then he got pretty pissed because Red Bull had sent me an offer when we got back. I can still remember his face, I swear he was going to sabotage my bike next race.”

“I remember that, he was furious,” Twitch laughed, standing the photo up on my workbench, “He always said if you were going to get sponsored, it better be with Rockstar. He wanted to keep an eye on you.”

“I’m getting that tattooed next week,” I gestured, dismounting my bike so he could drive, “That’s the face I always loved seeing each day. He hated that picture because of his smile, so I’d put it everywhere he went. They found this picture in his wallet, so I guess it wasn‘t so bad, was it?”

Jeremy mounted the bike without response, grabbing my arms and placing them around his waist as we backed away from my house and sped down the road. I closed my eyes to the sky circling around us, laying my head against his back as we traveled down the long road to nowhere, chasing the rising sun. I didn’t know where he was going, but I wasn’t sure I minded. All I could feel was the rumble of the engine beneath me and the pounding of Jeremy’s heart inside his chest.

We rode around for what felt like ages, Jeremy driving my little pink dirt bike which I sure he looked silly on. Finally, we arrived back home after successfully waking up every person in a five mile radius. Jumping off my bike laughing, I grabbed Jeremy around the neck, locking in a long kiss between the two of us. What was I feeling? Was this infatuation, or simply the rush from last night refusing to wear off?

“I’ve got to get going,” He whispered into my hair, “We should do this more often.”

“Yeah, we should.” I agreed, hands still locked around his neck, “Thanks Jeremy, for everything.”

His face changed suddenly into a puzzled expression as I pulled him closer. He wrinkled up his nose as I drew my head up, one of my favorite ticks which I use to poke fun at.

“For making me live again.”

“It’s not a problem, you know that. I just want to see you happy.”

“And I am.”

And with that we said our goodbyes as I watched his truck pull off into the distance. I stood there mesmerized against my garage door frame, looking out into the vast nothingness I called home. And as I finally made my way indoors, I threw myself on my couch, hugging the pillows to my chest. What the fuck was happening to me to make me act like this?

Whatever it was, I didn’t want it to go away.