Standing In The Crowd

Torrie and I didn’t leave the hospital until almost a week later. Because I was so young and she was premature the doctor’s wanted to be absolutely sure I was alright before letting us go back home.

It was a quiet May morning, I sat in the customary wheelchair on the curb outside the hospital, waiting for Tom to come in his pick up. Torrie made a little noise so I glanced down at her. Her eyes looked back at me. They were definately his.

I kissed her on the cheek then sighed and looked up at the empty road, wondering how Mike was. He had probably moved on my now, it had been so long since that final night. Tre` might have –

My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar diesel truck making its way down the road towards me. I looked up and saw Tom grinning at me and Alyssa looking intently at the bundle in my arms. For some reason, Tom had been much happier since Torrie was born, at least when he was around me. Alyssa had yet to meet Torrie. She’d been covering for me at work since Torrie had been born so early, they hadn’t found a replacement yet.

He stopped the truck, hopped out, and walked over to me.

“Well hello you two. Ready to come home?” He asked, still grinning.

“More than ready. I want to wash this doctor’s office smell off for good,” I told him, holding Torrie closer to me, who just cooed.

“Well then…” Tom said, extending a hand to me, which I gratefully took and walked carefully towards the truck.

“She’s so beautiful. I love her eyes,” Alyssa cooed once I’d gotten inside, pulling the blanket away from Torrie’s face.

“Me too. I’m so glad she didn’t get stuck with my boring brown ones. The blue suits her,” I nodded.

“From her father I’m assuming?” Tom chimed in, still trying to get me to divulge the identity of Torrie’s father.

“Yes. As a matter of fact they are,” I nodded, there were plenty of blue eyed people in the world.

***

As soon as I walked into the house Shelby came up to greet me, but when she saw the bundle she slowed down her approach. I sat down on the couch and held Torrie in my lap so that Shelby could see her.

Shelby examined her thoroughly, then gave her a final, gentle, approving lick on the arm that made Torrie giggle. I gave Shelby a pat on the head before getting up again, wanting to take advantage of my room. One where nurses didn’t continually walk in and out of. One that didn’t have a heart monitor making sure I was still alive, but keeping me from falling into a peaceful sleep.

As I walked into the room I noticed it was different. There was a crib, fully furnished, a supply of diapers in the corner next to what had once been used as a desk, but would work well as a changing room, and a comfy looking rocking chair. I turned around, flabbergasted and just stared at Tom and Alyssa who were waiting in the doorway.

“When did you-? How- I mean-?” I just looked at them, lost for words. I’d been so worried about going home and having to figure out how to get these things while I was at the hospital, but I’d never actually told anyone.

“Everyone at the diner pitched in,” Alyssa grinned.

“Do you like it? I wasn’t so sure about what color to get, but I figured green would be a good-” Tom started.

“It’s perfect,” I nodded to him, fighting tears. Stupid hormones were still in full effect.

Almost as if on cue, Torrie started crying.

“Welp, I guess she’s hungry,” I shrugged.

Tom grimaced and hurriedly left the room while Alyssa just grinned and followed him.

***

Things had been quietly moving along for the past two months. After getting over the painful reality of nursing, how amazingly quick Torrie was growing, and the fact my old shirts actually fit me again; it was time for me to go back to work. I found a cheap sitter near the house for her. It was so weird not to have her within arms reach.

I pulled the familiar apron over me and happily discovered I now had to wrap the ties around my waist twice to tie it. Definitely an improvement.

“Hey Charlie,” Alyssa greeted me.

I grinned. It felt good to get back to normal… well as normal as my normal could be.

I had only been working for a couple hours when the door opened and the entire diner became quiet. I glanced at the door and saw why. In walked the now famous rock stars, the talk of Berkeley. They had signed with Warner (yes, I was allowed to be a stalker of the father of my child). Some had disapproved, but most just shrugged and bought it anyways. I had been one of those people, but it still rested in its player, unheard. I wasn’t capable of listening to it just yet.

I shrunk away towards the back. I couldn’t risk this, I may not be pregnant anymore, but I didn’t feel like getting into an argument and breaking his heart-again. Alyssa saw me retreating and gave me a look of concern. She’d been extra attentive to me since Torrie had been born. I shook my head, trying to tell her nothing was wrong.

“Charlie!” She yelled and I saw everyone’s attention focus on me and me alone.

I put my hands over my face and ran into the kitchen. Alyssa followed soon after.

“Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost,” she told me, trying to put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

“Ye-Yeah… I’m fine. Just not used to so many people anymore,” I lied.

“Well, why don’t you just take the rest of the day off?” She offered.

“Alright,” I nodded, gratefully pulling off my apron and hanging it back up.

I headed to the back door, knowing full well Alyssa was still watching me, knowing something was wrong, but afraid to push me.

***

I went back to the house and tried to figure out my next move. I needed to leave. I would eventually run into one of the guys. I just didn’t know where to go. I had some money, but not enough to do much of anything and I wasn’t likely to find another Tom.

I glanced at the clock and saw I only had half an hour before I was supposed to pick up Torrie. I looked around the room I shared with her and saw we still didn’t have much. I started shoving various clothes into the suitcases and overstretched trash bag I had brought with me so many months ago.

In the middle of all this I accidentally bumped into the player and I heard music. The player was actually Tom’s and I didn’t know how to work it. Instead of turning it off, I turned it up louder. That’s when I heard the intro to a song that would forever be in the back of my mind: Welcome to Paradise.

It brought me back to the first night I’d met him. The night Torrie had died. The night everything had started. Without that night I never would have gotten pregnant… would have had to move away… would have all these problems…
I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. In that intimate moment I finally noticed Tom standing in the doorway, tears running down his cheeks too.

“I knew I knew you from before,” was all he said.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, wiping the tears away, “Of course I know you. We live together.”

“No. I mean I knew you from before that day in the coffee shop. You looked familiar. You were friends with that girl… Torrie? You even named your kid after her. I can’t believe I never completely connected the dots,” he rambled.

“How do you know about Torrie?” I asked. I had been careful never to mention that particularly painful memory.

“Because I was driving her home the night from the Hack Shack,” he said quietly.

I looked at him in shock.

“You’re the guy who killed her?” I asked in an even voice.

“I didn’t mean to-” he started.

“But you did!” I screamed at him.

He just nodded.

“Why didn’t you stay with her after the accident?” I asked quietly, having gotten one outburst out of the way.

“Because I didn’t actually have a license. She was dead before I left. If there had been any hope I would have-”

“When did you figure out you knew me?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around such an idea.

“When I saw you at that coffee shop you looked so familiar and then when you named your kid Torrie, well I was pretty sure,” he confessed.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I asked.

“Well it never really seems to come up in conversation. I mean, you don’t just say hey, I was the one who killed your best friend,” he said sadly.

“I need to leave,” was all I said.

“You can stay if-” he tried.

“No,” I said forcefully, “I need to take my daughter and get out of here. Now.”

He nodded then left me to finish packing.