Standing In The Crowd

After waving a final farewell to Alyssa who still had tears in her eyes, I wrestled with the overloaded crib all the way up the stairs (the building wasn’t actually fitted with an elevator) cradling my daughter in my free arm, still fast asleep. Shelby walked dutifully by my side. Then I spotted the familiar white door with cracks running across its middle from the time Torrie and I had decided it would be so much fun to try to break the door down after watching a martial arts movie.

Leaving the crib behind, I slowly approached the door and knocked. I held my breath as I heard footsteps walking towards the door, pause at the peephole, and then throw the door open.

“Charlie! Thank god you are okay!” Jennifer nearly screamed, wrapping her arms around me.

“Damn, it’s good to see you,” I nodded, wrapping my one arm around Jennifer and moving the other one to make sure Torrie wasn’t getting squashed.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” She asked expectantly, smiling at Shelby who gave her an approving lick in return “Come on in.”

“Let me just grab my-” I started, but then Jennifer saw her.

“And who might this be?” She asked softly, stroking Torrie’s cheek gently.

“This is Torrie McClaire, my daughter,” I said in one breath, trying to gage her reaction to the name.

“She’s perfect,” was all she managed.

“Mind holding her for a second?” I asked, knowing she would get ripped away from me sooner or later anyways, plus I needed to get my stuff.

“Of course not,” Jennifer smiled, lifting Torrie from my arms so softly she didn’t even wake up.

I turned around and grabbed the crib and rolled it the last ten feet into the apartment while Jennifer cooed over Torrie. She didn’t even look up as I sat on the couch next to her.

“She definitely has his eyes,” she smiled up at me and I nodded. She was one of the only other people who knew his identity. “Now please tell me why you didn’t call sooner, I was so worried,” she told me, looking back down at Torrie.

“It’s just been rough the past few months. I’ve been living in Berkeley. I got a job at a diner by accident, was able to rent a cheap place with a roommate and ended up having Torrie a couple months ago,” I said in a nutshell. I decided it best not to mention Tom too much, let alone his involvement with Jennifer’s daughter’s death.

“Well, at least you seem to have made it. Love the hair by the way. Now what made you decide to finally come back?”

“Yeah, more or less. But I had a major… disagreement with my roommate Tom so I opted to move out; problem is I have nowhere to move to,” I explained.

“Fair enough. Now please tell me about the dog,” she said slowly.

“This is Shelby, Mike got her for me,” I said simply, realizing she had never actually met Shelby before.

“So then you and Mike are still talking?” She asked carefully, returning her gaze to Torrie who was slowly waking up.

“No, I have been trying to avoid him the past six months even though he still managed to pop up randomly. Somehow he never seemed to fully recognize me. I haven’t talked to him since the night I left here six months ago. We got this dog before the nightmare started.”

Jennifer looked at me sharply. “I wouldn’t call this a nightmare,” she scolded me, indicating Torrie who was cooing, “This is more like a little piece of heaven.”

“Mmmhmm,” I shrugged, joining Jennifer in looking at Torrie.

“Do you have any clue what to do next?” She asked carefully, looking back up at me.

“I know I have to find a place to live, but I have no idea where to begin,” I told her, concentrating on Torrie who had locked eyes with me.

“As much as you may not like it, it may be time to move far away from here,” Jennifer said reluctantly and I whipped around to look her in the eyes. “Now don’t give me that deer in the headlights look. It’s cheaper pretty much anywhere outside of the bay area and that’s what you need right now. As much as I will miss you, I think it may be for the best,” she sighed.

“You may be right, but I am still scared,” I confided.

“Anyone in their right mind would be. I’ll help you look for housing tomorrow in the newspapers,” Jennifer promised.

“Okay, I would appreciate it. I really just want to be able to stand on my own two feet again.”

“I understand, really I do,” she looked at me intently, as if trying to decide something important.

“What is it?” I asked quietly.

“Well, a while ago I received a package for you.”

“Huh?” I asked as Jennifer stood up, handing Torrie to me gently.

“Never felt right to open it, and I hoped you would come back eventually,” she smiled gently, taking a small plain brown box with my name scrawled across it.

Jennifer took Torrie back and I held the package like a bar of gold. I just stared at it, where the hell had it come from?

One way to find out.

I gently tore the flimsy Scotch tape away from the box. Inside was a second, smaller box that was gold and a yellow envelope. I opted to open the envelope first for a clue. I got it. It was a birthday card with a note written on the inside.

“Babe,
I know that one night was supposed to be goodbye, but it wasn’t really fair because I never actually got to say it. After a lot of thinking I realized it was your birthday the day you came over so maybe that was the best way for me to wrap up everything once and for all. You are the first girl I have actually fallen for. I do not know why things ended the way they did, but please realize I will always hold you in my heart. Good luck with whatever you are running away from (Tre` told me about the suitcases) and know I will always be around if you decide to run back to me. Until then Happy Birthday. The gift I have given you is meant to remind you how I will always think of you: beautiful.
~Mike
P.S. I know it was cheesy, but that’s always been us.”
By the end of it I had tears in my eyes. I could barely convince myself to open the second box: pearls. Jennifer raised her eyebrows as my jaw dropped. Goddammit, why did he keep popping up?

***

We spent two days searching every newspaper we could get our hands on, problem was none of them seemed to have listings that weren’t local. That is until we found a SoCal newspaper that listed places in a town called Bakersfield. It was our best bet so far so I was willing to try it.

Jennifer had insisted on buying me a plane ticket for Meadows Field Airport, assuring me it was her present to me and Torrie. I wasn’t exactly in a position to say no. Moving to Bakersfield of all places would give me a fresh start with absolutely no past to contend with, which is just what I needed.

Jennifer also insisted on going on a doctor’s appointment with Torrie and I (same doctor I had gone to for the first ultrasound).

“Well well well, I see she came out healthy and strong, if a little on the smaller side,” the doctor observed, poking and prodding Torrie in a way I had to force myself to sit still.

“It’s not from lack of eating,” I assured him and I caught a twitch of a smile.

“Well then, there’s just a couple vaccinations we have to get through and then we are all done.”

“Vaccinations?” I asked hoarsely, well aware of my own fear of needles.

“Unless you have some other way of preventing needless diseases,” he said sarcastically while getting the small glass bottles of clear liquid out.

I held my tongue and forced myself to watch as he carefully measured out the amount of liquid into the syringe, but looked away once he inserted into Torrie’s tiny arm. Her scream of pain and terror made me feel like my heart was slowly being ripped from my body.

After it was done I picked up my baby and cradled her until she stopped screaming.

“Guess she also has her father’s impressive set of lungs,” Jennifer smiled at me on the way back to the apartment.

“Well he just plays bass in the band, not sing, but yeah, he does have a powerful set of lungs all the same.”

“Now you are set to fly out in two days so we can work on getting you some money until then.”

“How so?” I asked quietly, not use to the get money fast business.

“Well I really don’t want you caught up with drugs so how do you feel about being an escort for a couple days?” She asked carefully.