Standing In The Crowd

Tre` dropped Mike and I off at Billie Joe’s place before continuing on to his house with a sleeping Billie Joe in the backseat. Mike wrapped his arm around my waist as we made our way to the door.

“So did you have fun sitting up with Tre`?” He asked me with a grin.

I turned away quickly, “Yeah,” I lied.

“Coulda fooled me,” he replied suspiciously, cupping my chin and forcing me to look into his eyes.

“Didn’t know I was being interrogated,” I shot back, yanking my chin out of his grasp.

“What’s going on?” Mike asked with a look of pure concern plain across his face.

I took one fatal glance into his eyes, swallowed the lump in my throat, and settled on kissing him.

***

I was running through the woods with Torrie carrying something. Looking behind me, I saw a dark figure coming towards us and I kept running. Torrie tripped over a root.

“Torrie!” I screamed as the dark blur caught up with her, stopping me dead in my tracks.

“Go!” She told me and I did, still clenching the mysterious bundle.

Suddenly I came face to face with a tall brick building. I glanced back and saw only city buildings behind me, the woods having disappeared. I looked down at the bundle and unwrapped it to find a crying baby.

I looked back up at the building and saw the baby starting to crawl off the roof, and when I looked down, sure enough, the bundle had disappeared. Spotting the fire escape, I ran over and climbed up, taking five stairs at a time. When I reached the top I saw the baby helplessly crawling towards the edge. I rushed over to save it when I heard Mike’s voice.

I wheeled around and saw him balancing on the edge of the roof, on the opposite side of the baby.

“Mike?” I asked, confused.

“Your pick: the baby or me,” He responded simply with a harsh look.

“But-” I started, but saw the infant about to teeter off the edge.

Suddenly everything seemed to stop and a face appeared in the sky.

“Tre`? Are you god or something?” I asked.

“I dunno. It’s your dream, so I guess. Never knew you thought of me like that. All-powerful and all,” he rambled with a satisfied grin.

“Whatever. What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Oh, right. I’m supposed to remind you of the weight of your decision. Mike or the baby,” he responded, gesturing to both in turn.

“I know I have to choose between them. Thanks god,” I sighed.

“Well just remember how much you love Mike, then think about who you would feel worse leaving to die. Who is most important?” He probed in a voice that oddly echoed my mother’s.

“I already know what I would choose,” I informed him.

“Oh really now? And who would that be?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

“The baby,” I told him.

“So you’d just forsake Mikey?” He inquired.

“No. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. Find another someone to love,” I choked, feeling tears coming. Damn, even in a dream I couldn’t help but cry.

“And could you find someone else to love?” Tre` asked sincerely.

“Doesn’t matter. I’d have the baby,” I responded, rushing over to pick up the baby, Tre`s face disappearing and Mike jumping off the roof.
“Charlie! Wake up!”

I was jolted awake by Mike’s commanding whisper. I opened my eyes to find Mike was gripping my arms, in an effort to pull me towards him.

“What? What’s wrong?” I asked automatically.

“You. You were talking in your sleep. Crying actually,” He told me and I could feel my heart pounding away for what felt like the millionth time that day.

“Just nightmares,” I responded automatically.

“About Tre`, me, and Torrie?” He asked suspiciously.

“They come in all different types,” I shrugged, pulling the blanket over my bare shoulders. It was cold in the room.

“Is everything really okay, Charlie? And please don’t lie to me,” he begged and I bit my lip.

“Yes. For the last time, everything’s fine,” I sighed, resting my head on his warm shoulder and his arms wrapped around me, giving me a sense of security I’d only ever known when I was with him.

We laid back down, his arms around me, and I laid awake staring at the ceiling with tears in my eyes for the rest of the night while Mike slept sound as a log.

***

A week later, taking another swig from the bottle of vodka in my hand, I knew the day had come. It was time.

I pulled on a black jacket that had once been Torrie’s, but she had left it to me, along with the rest of her clothing, as if it was going to fit in a couple months. I stopped trying to get the zipper to line up and cradled my head in my hands. Of course it would fit. There was no reason it wouldn't.

slid out the window and fell down the tree, then staggered over to the pathway through the forest.

Stumbling over a root, I found that I had reached the end of the path. Looking up I spotted a pair of familiar icy blue eyes.

“Need some help there?” Mike asked and I nodded, offering my hand.

He yanked me up, then waited as I brushed the dirt off my jacket and skirt. Sticking a cigarette in my mouth I dug through my purse to locate my lighter.

“Can I get one?” He asked and I looked up at him, then nodded, handing him one.

“S-so-we going?” I managed, concentrating on lighting it up.

“Wow… I can smell that from here. You drunk?” He asked and I just grinned, “Let’s get some coffee then. Right around the corner.”

“K. I gots to talks ttya anyway,” I told him, feeling my entire body calm down as I inhaled the familiar aroma.

“That’s never good,” he muttered, grabbed my hand, and started towards the coffee shop.

We walked in and Mike led me towards the couch in the corner of the shop.

“Charlie,” the owner nodded to me.

“Hey, Alex.” I muttered, wanting my cigarette back already.

Stupid no smoking rule.
“What can I get you?” He asked, completely ignoring Mike who kept looking from me to Alex and back.

“Two cappuccinos,” Mike butted in.

Alex looked at me, then spotted the arm around my waist. He raised an eyebrow and I nodded in return, and he hurried off.

“Ok?” I asked as I sat down on the red velvet couch next to Mike.

“What? Yeah. You?” He asked.

“Never better,” I lied wishing I’d smuggled some of the vodka with me.

“So you wanted to talk,” Mike prompted, studying my eyes for a hint.

“It’ll wait fur cuffee,” I murmured.

“That bad, huh?” He asked and I just gave him a silencing look.

“No,” I assured him.

“Two cappuccinos,” Alex narrated, handing us two steaming mugs, “Anything else?” He asked me.

“Nope,” I replied, shaking my head and with that he left.

I took a long sip of the foamy drink before turning back to Mike. Catching his eyes, I flinched, but kept looking.

“Now, you care to tell me what the hell is going on?” He questioned.

“Look, I really hate to say it, but I think that this just isn’t working out,” I muttered, concentrating on my warm purple Eeyore mug.

“Wha-what are you talking about?” He asked with a horrified look plain across his face even though I couldn’t see it.

“It’s just- I can’t do this,” I managed. I had expected the question, I just hadn’t prepared an answer.

“Do what?” He asked in desperation.

“This. Any of this. I’m sorry. Please don’t call me. Just move on. Know I never wanted to hurt you,” I told him before storming out of the coffee shop, crashing into just about everything.

“Charlie!” Mike screamed. I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and ran home, falling countless times before reaching the tree.

***

“What the hell did you do, Charlie?” Tre` asked me over the phone that night.

“Nothing. I just- I miscarried and every time I look at him I see the kid, alright? I can’t do it,” I replied looking down at my empty belly.

“Why’d you have to go and break his heart too? How could you?” He asked.

“Because I had to. I’m sorry. I hope you guys have a nice life,” I shot back.

“You too Charlie. Let’s just hope Mikey can move on,” he hissed then hung up the phone.

“Why?!” I screamed at the empty house before bursting into tears and crashing onto my bed, “Why?!” I demanded, beating my pillow.