All Your Sorrows Crumble in My Arms

No need to be nervous. Matt's in this all the way no matter what. This was my personal mantra as I sat on the table in the doctor's office. The woman smiled at me, "Miss No-ordstrum, there is no need to be nervous. You certainly show signs of early pregnancy."
"I was afraid of that-"

"But I'm afraid you're not. Not early anyway. You're almost five months along." She patted my hand.

"How is that possible?" My eyes widened.

"Some people, especially smaller and younger pregnancies don't show until well into their seventh month and experience infrequent morning sickness. They can also menstruate every cycle during their pregnancy. Is the father still in the picture?" She folded her arms as she sat down across from me.

"Very much so." I got up, "Can you excuse me? I want him to hear all this."

She nodded with a smile.

I went into the waiting room, smiling when I saw Matt scooping a little boy up to put him in the plastic kiddy slide. He glanced up and smiled his charming smile at me. I heard a younger nurse behind me sigh and mutter something about those dimples. I felt a flash of pride as I strode over to wrap my arms around his neck.

"Well?" He said softly.

"You want kids right?"

He nodded, smiling a bit.

"Well, give or take four months and we're having one." I bit my lip.

He swung me in a circle, his arms strong around me, "Are you serious?"

I laughed into his neck, "Yes!"

"Oh, fuck." He murmured and dropped to his knees to press his face to my stomach.

I heard a chorus of aw's but just threaded my fingers into his hair. He looked up at me, "Are we done here?"

"No. The doctor wants to talk to us."

"Okay."

Almost an hour later, we piled into Anna's truck, me tucked against Matt's side. Anna smiled at me, "I don't even have to ask. How far?"

"Um, five months." I said quietly.

"Oh that's so great! Your dad's going to be thrilled!" She squeezed my hand.

"You think? Cause Mom's going to kill me."

"Get the judge to sign a paper releasing you from guardianship and move out." She shrugged, "I did it at sixteen and you'll be seventeen next week. How old are you, Matt? You might have to get-"

"I'll be nineteen in a week and a half." Matt shrugged.

"Lester said you were just seventeen." Anna sent me a look.

"Like Dad would have agreed to me dating him if he knew he was already eighteen." I pointed out.

"Too true. You know him well." She smiled, "B ut as long as you're honestly gonna give this your all, Matt, he won't be mad."

"I hope so." Matt's eyes widened.

I squeezed his hand. Without words, I knew Matt was going to give our baby his full attention.
Dad did take it well, only teasing Matt about how he'd better have gave him a grandson. he laughe dbut sheepishly confessed that he'd like to have a girl. Zacky thought he was weird, but Anna and Lorrie aww'd at him.

My birthday passed with an elegant dinner but not so elegant party. I got clothes from Lorrie and Zacky, Matt got me a mother's ring for my pink to be filled in later and another charm for my bracelet. Daddy and Anna's gift I would only get when I got back to the states.
Mom called me on my brithday and I told her thenews. She started crying and finally broke out with, "My baby's having a baby!"

Matt's parents reacted well. His mother reminded me to take it wasy on the plane ride home and that if my mother acted horribly once I got there, then the Sanders' home would be my home too. Matt talked to her for a long time after that. I knew he was grateful.
Matt's birthday was two days before we left to go back home. Everyone joked about him being a "child-daddy" and he laughed it off. He was, in short, happy.

About ten that night, Matt kissed my cheek, "Come on, I want to do something while we're here."

"What's that?" I frowned.

He pulled me outside and to this fountain not far from Dad's house. Gingerly, he lifted me onto the edge of it. I smiled at him and we shared a kiss before iItold him it was beautiful.

He nodded, "I found it the night you went to bed early . . .when you thought Zacky and I were going out but we didn't."

I nodded. Our only stressful night while here.

"I wanted to show you it. It shouldn't be something you miss." He shrugged a bit. He seemed so nervous. After a second he sank to his knees. I smiled, expecting him to talk to my belly like he liked to do now. I wasn't disappointed but surprised at what he said. Well, more like over-joyed. "Hey, baby. I've been doing a lot of thinking and well . . .no matter what you are I'm going to be happy. You see, your momma is the love of my life so even if you weren't mine, I'd have to love you cause you're a part of her. So do me a favor and come out healthy. 'Cause you know, your mom's never had a good family and I was thinking we could be her good family, if she'll have me."

I pulled his gaze up to mine, "I'd not settle for anyone less."

A smile crossed his broad face and he kissed my stomach before coming up to kiss me, "I love you."

"I love you too."

He scooped me up and carried me inside, our lips meeting over and over again.

*****

"Girl."

"Boy."

"Hermaphrodite." Whack!

This was the bet I heard being made as I slipped on my shoes gingerly. We'd been home almost a month, but "home" had changed. Matt and I lived in an apartment downtown, a nice one though. Matt worked part-time in a concrete plant and I was starting classes for music education, mostly online until I popped. Today, we were finding out the sex of the baby. Matt was already ready and sitting in the living room.

I peeked my head in to see Johnny, Brian, and Zacky sitting with him. Brian was rubbing his head so I assumed he was the one who'd quipped hermaphrodite. iI went across the room though and hugged him, "Hey you. I didn't know you were home."

"Yep, until Monday night. Look at you, you're pudgy." He poked my belly. Like the doctor had said, I'd started to show in the past month.

I whined, "No, I'm not! Matt, tell him I'm not!"

"Brian, she's not pudgy, it's all baby." Matt chuckled, "Now come on, princess, it's time to go."

I looked at the guys, "I expect three things: our food and Matt's beer will still be here, you three will not, and the door will be locked."

"Okay, Momma" All three chorused.

I rolled my eyes and I followed Matt out.

The wait at the doctor's office was short and Matt got to sit on the side of the table where he could see the ultrasound monitor.

"Okay, papa, there's the baby's feet. Can you hear that strong heartbeat? That's a healthy baby." The doctor moved the wand on the cold gel, "And now . . .there's a hand. The face and . . .the other hand and legs. Sorry, I'm not meaning to tease. Put your hand on the side of her stomach and see if we can get the baby to react. There we go." Matt's warm hand did cause the baby to move and his eyes, glued to the monitor, lit up.

"Princess, it's a boy!"

The doctor laughed, "Yes it is. Was there a preference?"

Matt shook his head, even though we both knew he was lying. He'd wanted a little girl but his expression told him to be beyond happy. I got to get cleaned up after a more thorough examination and some praise about me cutting way back on my smoking.

"Switching to ultra-lights and cutting down to less than half a pack a day from a pack or more is what I like to hear. Don't be hard on her, Mr. Sanders. Quitting cold is hard and that stress would be as bad for the baby. Now there's something else I'd like to discuss with you both. You're a very, very young couple. A baby is a heavy responsibility and often young parents aren't up to it and end up doing horrible things to themselves or their children. I urge you if you aren't prepared for this, to go into family planning. They offer anger management, Lamaze, housing for unwed mothers, guidance, and adoption alternatives."

I laid my hand on my belly, the heartbeat of the little boy within reverberating in my ear. Matt's hand covered mine, "We could never give him up."

She smiled, "I understand. Just remember it takes two, no matter how many single parents there are out there. A baby needs both male and female influences, even if a family life becomes too stressful."

We both nodded and a few minutes later, we left. Matt checked his watch, Damnit, I have to get to work. I'll just drive there and you can take the car. Come to band practice tonight at six?"

I nodded. Matt liked having me with him as much as possible. Mr. Haner and his wife Suzy liked all the guys and welcomed them even when Brian was away at school. Brent, Brian's little brother, liked to sit in and watch Jimmy drum. He admired his skill, playing drums himself. That meant there was always someone to talk to.

Matt left me with the car keys and a kiss outside the plant where Zacky and JImmy were both applying for jobs. He made good money there although he worked long and hard hours. Dad and Anna's gift to me had been paying a year's worth of rent on a decent sized and priced apartment. That meant the baby would be almost eight months old before we had to use any of our savings that matt was putting back for rent. Just the two of us meant our groceries and bills weren't that expensive, so we were doing well. Matt confessed that though he was busy, between me and the baby, work, and the band, he liked the pace he was going at and wasn't stressed. As long as he was happy and we ere comfortable, I didn't mind being alone for long hours. I always knew when he'd be home.

When I got back to the apartment, I discovered the boys had listened . . . mostly. Zacky was still there. He smiled sheepishly at me, "Sorry. I went to the bathroom and while I was in there the guys stole my car keys and took off. Lorrie will come and get me once the new girl clocks in at the coffee shop."

"It's fine. I could use the company. I'll drive you to practice later, if you want." I shrugged an dsat down. Honestly, my back was killing me.

He nodded, "Oh, hey, your mom called."

"Thanks, Zacky." I contemplated calling her back and decided not to. I turned on the tv, which Matt had insisted buying a pretty big one of, and laid on the couch with a groan.

"Boy or girl?" Zacky suddenly asked.

"Ask Matt." I laughed.

"Aw, come on, Daniellea!" He whined, "You can tell me."

"Nope. Matt will want to tell you guys." I shook my head. He had a childish enthusiasm that was adorable. I saw why Lorrie liked him beyond the whole "great sex" thing.

He pouted, "You're mean. Did you know Matt was worried that if you guys had a little girl, you'd be jealous? Like if he slipped up and called her princess and stuff?"

I laughed a little, "No, I didn't know that. That's sort of cute. That wouldn't bother me though. I know the kind of bond dad's and daughters have. Look at me and my dad."

"I guess. The Baker's tend to produce a lot of boys. Have you ever noticed none of us have sisters, younger or older?"

"I noticed that. Victoria does and Laura does, but none of you guys do."

"I think most of us consider you girls our sisters. We'd all do anything for you five." He reached over from his place on the floor to rub my stomach.

I smiled at him, "The feeling's mutual, Zacky." I wasn't like a lot of pregnant people, who grew frustrated with people rubbing their stomachs. I didn't mind, unless it was strangers. Unfortunately, the contact always made me sleepy.

I woke to the phone ringing. I sat up and went to get it almost stepping on Zacky who was asleep on the floor. I picked up the phone, "Hello."

"Babe, it's after six. What happened?" It was Matt. He sounded a little worried.

"I'm sorry, honey. I fell asleep. It's Zacky's fault, he started rubbing my stomach." I whined.

Impatiently, he sighed, "Oh. Okay. Well, get him over here. Brian's dad needs his studio so we only have an hour or so to practice."

"Okay. Be there in a few." I went over and kicked the bottom of Zacky's foot, "Get up, lump, we're late."

Matt laughed slightly, "Love you, babies. Be careful."

"Okay, love you too. Bye." I hung up as Zacky rubbed his eyes, smearing makeup onto his fists. He groaned and I tugged on his hand, "Let's go, Zacky. Matt's not happy and you've only got a few to practice in."

"Okay, okay." He dragged himself up and we went out the door.

Brian had been playing in Zacky's spot and he quickly turned the guitar over to him. he plopped down beside of me, watching through the glass, "Thank God, you got Zacky here. Matt is in a weird mood. Like he was mad at Zacky for being late, happy with something, and worried about you all at once."

"He'll be okay now that we're both here. Hey, where's Justin?" I didn't see the bassist anywhere.

"That's another thing he's mad at. Apparently, Justin's been skipping practice too often." He shrugged.

Poor Matt. He probably felt this was something only he was serious about. A few songs later, Matt put his mike back on the stand an cracked his knuckles before clearing his throat.
He asked, "Can you hear me, babe?"

I nodded.

"Good. Alright, guess what guys?" Zacky and Jimmy stopped fooling around and paid
attention, "as of nine this morning, we got our first gig. It's a small underground club, looking for metal-core bands. Someone," At this he looked pointedly at Brian, "at IMT told the manager about us, deemed us Avenged Sevenfold. What do you say to it?"

A roar from both guys had me laughing. Matt's eyes showed happiness and lit up with life.
This was the kind of announcement he wanted to be making-small to huge successes in the music scene. As soon as their practice was over, Matt kissed me, "This is going to be so great!"

I laughed, "I'm glad it makes you so happy."

"It really does, Daniellea. You, the baby, and the music. That's all I'll ever need out of life." He lifted me up to kiss him, my arms going around his neck, my legs around his waist. How did Matt always have just the right words to remind me he was perfect in every way?