So Long, Not Goodnight
Think Of This As A See You Later
This is one of the saddest moments I have ever experienced; standing here in front of an open coffin isn't exactly how I had expected to spend this afternoon when I was making my weekly plans last week. Unfortunately, life has a way of twisting your plans out of proportion and you have to adjust.
I knew she had been sick, but I didn't expect her to go right now. A woman in her thirties shouldn't have to worry about things like this. I know that getting lung cancer was not on her to-do list anytime soon, if at all. But we all must die... As a great author once said, On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. Ain't it the truth.
Above me, in the pulpit, stood the priest. His eyes looked tired and he had tamed his hair back to the best of his ability as it came down to his shoulders; too long to keep it out of the way, too short to pull it back. For a priest, he looked oddly uncomfortable in his collar.
He cleared his throat and pulled at his neck line, as if having a hard time breathing. I took that as my cue to be seated. Gently, I leaned over and placed a final kiss on her cold, hard lips. This was by no means a farewell, but rather a see you later. I knew this would not be the end. I still felt her presence all around me as I sat and let the other people behind me say good bye.
The man that stood behind me was small and his hair was combed back. His white, button up shirt was slightly wrinkled, and the dark pair of jeans he wore had a shredded knee. I suppose it wasn't proper attire for a funeral, but maybe his mindset was like mine. Be the person that the dead knew you to be. They'd like to see you from above, being yourself. From the wrist of his shirt, I could see a tattoo peeking from underneath it, but I didn't know exactly how many littered his body.
The few women went by the coffin and began to sob when they looked at my dear inside of it. These women, I knew they were co-workers with her, but I had no idea they had been friendly. She had always described them as pompous and rude. As they passed, a lighter haired man appeared.
I couldn't see his face, but in his hand, he held a picture. From where I was, all I could make out was that it was of two people and they were young and at an amusement park. He brought the photo in front of him and I saw his shoulders drop with what appeared to be a sigh. Gently, he reached into the coffin and I noticed he was moving her hand to place the picture on her stomach before sliding her hand back into place.
Beside the coffin, an alter boy stood, holding his incense and smiling sadly at the lighter haired man. When he turn, I was taken aback by his bright blue eyes that were beginning to fill with tears. The tears threatening to spill over, made his eyes see like an ocean of clear water. He nodded my way, noticing me with the family and turned to the other section of pews. The alter boy was in dark glasses and he was skinny as a twig. Under his robe, I noticed his feet turned slightly inward. An awkward boy, but then again, he wasn't.
I stood again once everyone had passed and walked back up to the coffin. Before the actual funeral began, I had to close it. I stared down at her lovely face again and a strand of my curly hair fell down around my face. I had pulled it back in a thick ponytail and wore a black button up with black slacks and a simple pair of plain black converse. It was the outfit we had first met in.
My gaze moved from her face to her hands and I looked at the picture beneath them. There were two teenagers; a younger her and the man with the light hair and blue eyes. She was on his back, pretending to bite his ear and he was making a face while trying not to laugh. I noticed by the white around the picture that it was a Polaroid. On the white underneath the picture it said in faded black ink, Best friends til the end and even longer.
I took it from underneath her hand carefully and turned it over. There was fresh writing on the back, The end has come, the even longer begins now. I wish I could join you but things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight, Helena.
I placed the picture back under her hand and lifted my hands to the top of the coffin. Slowly, I brought it down until about an inch above closing. Sighing heavily, I let it drop. No... I thought, So long... not goodnight.
I knew she had been sick, but I didn't expect her to go right now. A woman in her thirties shouldn't have to worry about things like this. I know that getting lung cancer was not on her to-do list anytime soon, if at all. But we all must die... As a great author once said, On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. Ain't it the truth.
Above me, in the pulpit, stood the priest. His eyes looked tired and he had tamed his hair back to the best of his ability as it came down to his shoulders; too long to keep it out of the way, too short to pull it back. For a priest, he looked oddly uncomfortable in his collar.
He cleared his throat and pulled at his neck line, as if having a hard time breathing. I took that as my cue to be seated. Gently, I leaned over and placed a final kiss on her cold, hard lips. This was by no means a farewell, but rather a see you later. I knew this would not be the end. I still felt her presence all around me as I sat and let the other people behind me say good bye.
The man that stood behind me was small and his hair was combed back. His white, button up shirt was slightly wrinkled, and the dark pair of jeans he wore had a shredded knee. I suppose it wasn't proper attire for a funeral, but maybe his mindset was like mine. Be the person that the dead knew you to be. They'd like to see you from above, being yourself. From the wrist of his shirt, I could see a tattoo peeking from underneath it, but I didn't know exactly how many littered his body.
The few women went by the coffin and began to sob when they looked at my dear inside of it. These women, I knew they were co-workers with her, but I had no idea they had been friendly. She had always described them as pompous and rude. As they passed, a lighter haired man appeared.
I couldn't see his face, but in his hand, he held a picture. From where I was, all I could make out was that it was of two people and they were young and at an amusement park. He brought the photo in front of him and I saw his shoulders drop with what appeared to be a sigh. Gently, he reached into the coffin and I noticed he was moving her hand to place the picture on her stomach before sliding her hand back into place.
Beside the coffin, an alter boy stood, holding his incense and smiling sadly at the lighter haired man. When he turn, I was taken aback by his bright blue eyes that were beginning to fill with tears. The tears threatening to spill over, made his eyes see like an ocean of clear water. He nodded my way, noticing me with the family and turned to the other section of pews. The alter boy was in dark glasses and he was skinny as a twig. Under his robe, I noticed his feet turned slightly inward. An awkward boy, but then again, he wasn't.
I stood again once everyone had passed and walked back up to the coffin. Before the actual funeral began, I had to close it. I stared down at her lovely face again and a strand of my curly hair fell down around my face. I had pulled it back in a thick ponytail and wore a black button up with black slacks and a simple pair of plain black converse. It was the outfit we had first met in.
My gaze moved from her face to her hands and I looked at the picture beneath them. There were two teenagers; a younger her and the man with the light hair and blue eyes. She was on his back, pretending to bite his ear and he was making a face while trying not to laugh. I noticed by the white around the picture that it was a Polaroid. On the white underneath the picture it said in faded black ink, Best friends til the end and even longer.
I took it from underneath her hand carefully and turned it over. There was fresh writing on the back, The end has come, the even longer begins now. I wish I could join you but things are better if I stay. So long and goodnight, Helena.
I placed the picture back under her hand and lifted my hands to the top of the coffin. Slowly, I brought it down until about an inch above closing. Sighing heavily, I let it drop. No... I thought, So long... not goodnight.