Heartbreaker

We slept on the futon in the crowded living room. Well, you slept. I instead decided to watch you dream. Our friends were passed out on the surrounding furniture and floor. It was well into the early morning, around five. This was all of us going to bed early. Usually we fell asleep around eight in the morning.

As I looked down on your sleeping face, I couldn't help but wonder if you were a heartbreaker. You tell me you love me all the time, but what if you are lying? What if you are just using me? Mentally I chided myself, Why would he do such a thing? Everyone agrees that he is a sweet boy.

Everyone, except for one person. Sean. He had begged me not to date you. Pleaded with me not to fall for you. He called you a heartbreaker. Said you were going to crush me.
What if he is right? What if I'm falling for a heartbreaker? What if all the sweet things you whisper to me are lies?

I don't know if I could take another let down. If you hurt me, I don't think I'll make it out alive. You know that I've been emotionally devastated before. You know my past. I know yours, as well. The times your ex-girlfriend has crushed you. The times you've broken young girls' hearts. Could I be the next one to believe you lies?

My hand lightly caressed your cheek. Your nose twitched as my fingers traced your mouth. I kissed your forehead before going on to the patio. I lit a cigarette and watched the sun rise. Michelle bounded up to the patio. Honestly it didn't shock me that she was up this late/early. People always randomly came to the apartment.

"Hello, hello, hello. What's Andrew up to?" she asked while hopping over the patio wall. She took a seat beside me and lit a smoke.

"Everyone's passed out. I can't sleep," I said while glancing at her swimsuit clad body. Only Michelle would be swimming at this hour.

"Lauren, is there something on your mind? You know you can always talk to me, right?"

I nodded and continued to stare at the sunrise. We smoked in silence for a while before I spoke again.

"I'm worried that Jordan's going to break my heart. I know it sounds silly, but I can't help but worry..." I trailed off.

"It's not silly. Everyone thinks about those things when they go into a relationship. When Greg and I first got together, I was terrified. Trust me when I say this: Jordan is not a bad kid. Yes, he's done some bad things in the past, but he's a different person now. I know this may not help, but I sincerely doubt he's going to break your heart," Michelle said while finishing her cigarette.

"Thanks, Michee. It's comforting to hear. I'm always waiting for the worst in people to come out. I always expect them to hurt or use me in some way," I confessed and followed her example of putting out my cigarette.

"I'm going back to my apartment to cuddle with Greg. I'll see you later today, okay? And don't worry about Jordan," she said before being her ninja self and disappearing. I continued to sit outside and contemplate her words.

He's done some bad things in the past...

Yeah, I know. I've heard what kind of bad things.

Jordan's not a bad kid... He's a different person now.

I groaned aloud. It's not healthy for me to have conversations with myself. As I walked back inside, you stirred in your sleep. Nobody could deny that you're not cute when you sleep. The small smile that's on your lips, the way your hair frames your face... You're adorable, but that still doesn't help my predicament.

I slid into bed next to you and curled up against your chest. Listening to you breathe was soothing. Your heartbeat slowly lulling me to sleep. Loud noises awoke me from my slumber. Sean had scared Jerry and he had run out into the patio to get away from Sean. Unfortunately for Jerry he stepped on John, who was sleeping on the patio. Everyone was screaming for no reason.

"SHUT UP!" I shouted.

They turned and looked at me. I hadn't moved from your chest, and you were still dead asleep. Everyone shrugged and went back to playing video games. A hand touched the back of my head, and I looked at your face to see you awake. You sleepily smiled at me and I returned your grin.

"I love you," you whispered into my hair.

I sat up and looked at you with the most serious expression I could muster. You had told me you loved me many times before. Each time I believed you. Now I need to know if it's the truth.

"Do you? Do you seriously love me? Do you promise to be everything I need and more? Do you swear to never hurt me for any reason?" I questioned.

You sat up and looked me dead in the eye. I could see a swirl of emotions behind you light brown orbs. I needed to hear it. I needed to hear those words from your lips.

"I swear to you that my love is true. I promise that I will never, ever hurt you. You are the most perfect girl I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I will never leave you or cheat on you," you swore while looking straight into my eyes.

"Except for the occasional stairwell," I joked in a small voice.

You laughed then. A full body laugh complete with your head thrown back. I smiled and pulled your thin body into my arms. We were alright. I would make it out of this alive.

*Three weeks later*

I showed up at Andrew's apartment at four in the morning. I told you guys that I was coming. I had left the rave and bused it to the crowded pad. After I had knocked, Pat answered the door. His face showed relief that I had made it. Then it showed sorrow.

"Sean wanted to go for a walk. Why don't you join him?" Pat asked as Sean exited the apartment.

I shook my head, "I want to see Jordan."

Pat nodded solemnly and let me in. I ran to your room and opened the door. My smile fell from my face.

You were in your room. Lights off. Shades drawn. Clothing discarded. Her on top of you. The smell of sex and spilled alcohol. I calmly walked up to you and ignored your apologies. I slapped you hard across the face. A glance at the girl on top of you revealed to me that you were fucking Crystal.

"Why can't you keep your mitts off my boyfriends?" I asked her in an even voice.

She had been the girl my ex-boyfriend had cheated on me with. She shrugged and pointed at the door.

"Can you leave, please? You're kind of cock-blocking us."

I decked her square in the nose. A sickening crack told me that I had broken her nose. Ha. Karma's a bitch. I spit on your face before walking out to join Sean. He saw my agonized face and pulled me into his arms. No "I told you so"s, no comforting words. Just the feeling of his body clutching mine.

Hours later, after I had cried all I could, Sean took me to Michelle's apartment. We fell asleep on her blow up mattress in the living room. Around nine in the morning you knocked on Michelle's door. I feigned sleep and hid in Sean's chest.

"No, Jordan. You can't see her. Sean brought her over at six this morning. She was a wreck. I know you cheated on her. Leave," I heard Michelle say before she padded back to her room. You came in anyways. A sigh and a soft curse word reached my ears. Sean tightened his grip on me.

"I know both of you are awake. I'm not sorry that I fucked Crystal. I am sorry that I hurt you. This is goodbye, I guess. Have a happy life together," you said before the front door shut.
Sean kissed the top of my head as I closed my eyes and wished for sleep.

"I am so, so sorry for you, Lauren. I wish I could make this all better," he whispered into my hair.

"You already are, Sean. You already are," I sleepily murmured before drifting off into dreamland.

*One month later*

I'm finally free from you. I've moved on, and am currently dating Sean. I'm happy with him, just as you are happy with Crystal. No words have been spoken between us, and I'm okay with that. Contrary to what I thought, I made it out of this disaster.

I still feel your eyes on me as I kiss Sean, still hear your drunken apologies. We will never be together again. You are a heartbreaker, and I'm just one of the many girls you've hurt.

You were a heartbreaker and everything was just a lie. I fell for a heartbreaker, but I made it out alive.