Camisado

Ryan walked me back to his house. A few gray clouds now casted large shadows over the two of us. I hoped we'd have a thunderstorm. Ryan and I stopped in front if the door slightly awkwardly. I peeked over his shoulder to see Brendon still in the bush, playing on his game boy color. I'm surprised he didn't follow us into the store. Maybe he's more of a guy than I thought. If he was able to sit here and play video games maybe there was hope for him yet.

Ryan was turned towards the door, but then He turned to me with an awkward line on his lips. He gave fleeting glances towards the door to his house, looking nervous and anxious. "Well, uh, thanks for helping me shop," he said, to me smiling lightly. He turned towards the door, and began to walk in. I will not help him with his groceries, I will not help him with his groceries. “You want come inside?” he asked gingerly. no. I rolled my eyes behind his back and sighed.

“Sure,” I answered without much enthusiasm. It’s definite, I do not have a backbone. I can’t say no. Go ahead; ask me to have sex with a dead person. Really do it, I won’t say no. It’s physically impossible.

I walked into Ryan’s house, and didn’t pay much attention. I was too upset with myself for being so timid. I starred intently at his muscular back as we walked to what I assumed was his kitchen. It was amazing how muscular and toned he was, despite all he ever does is eat junk food and play music. I guess holding that electric guitar for an hour a day was very strenuous. I mean he's no body builder, but still he's pretty impressive.

Yeah, I know Ryan plays music. I also know him, Brendon, Spencer, and some other guy have a band together. I've never heard them play before, but Brendon is always bragging about how awesome they are and how they're going to make it big someday. It's cute that he thinks he'll actually make something of himself. But there's no way this band is going anywhere with Ryan in it. They should just kick him and the other guy out. I'm sure Brendon and Spencer would be fine without them.

Ryan and I made it to the kitchen, where he set down the multiple grocery bags on the large titled island. His kitchen was pretty modest, for this area. Most of the houses were extremely new and fairly large. The only reason my aunts house isn't is because she was living here a long time before they started building the new houses. It was apparent that Ryan's house was the same way.

The kitchen was lined in very plain navy blue and white tiles, that covered the counter tops as well as part of the wall. The cabinets were an ugly white; ugly and square enough that I almost turned up my nose in disgust. The floors were a light maple wood, which wasn't completely horrible, but those ugly cabinets made everything else in the room look beautiful.

Ryan didn't look back at me before he started to put away the groceries, and feeling awkward, I decided to help him. I grabbed a six pack of soda and walked over to the fridge. Opening it I placed the soda in there and quickly turned around to come face to face with Ryan. My eyes widened in horrified surprise, his face matching mine for a moment, but it soon melted into an apologetic smile. I looked down. "Sorry," I muttered before quickly turning away to get some more soda. It was quiet it from then on, and neither of us said a word. Ryan left most of the food items in the bags because the party wasn't at his house, I could see that. I guess he just wanted to keep the soda cool.

Ryan walked me to his door where we said our goodbyes. "So I guess I'll see you later?" he said, as he opened the door for me to leave. I simply nodded and exited his house with a sigh of relief. He closed the door behind me and went back to whatever Ryan did. I traveled over to Brendon's bush and kicked inside of it, my foot colliding with his side. He screeched from what I assumed to be pain and surprise. He leaped to his feet and glared daggers at me through his candy red lenses. I smiled a sinister grin and he stepped over the shrub to stand beside me.

"So how'd it go?" he asked me. I shrugged.

"Pretty good," I said, half nodding to reaffirm my statement. Brendon's eyes got wide.

"Woah," he said. "Did you just say something positive?" I laughed and punched his skinny arm.

"Don't push it, kid."

Brendon and I walked back to his house laughing with each other. It was probably the most fun I had since before my dad was diagnosed. I made fun of him and he pouted at me, but we were able to just laugh it off. We spent the rest of the afternoon messing around, playing on his play station, and drinking red bull. I’ve never had one of those things before, but they are amazing. I was acting so crazy and I couldn’t even help it. Brendon started laughing because I was shaking from the adrenaline rush and almost peed his pants. Best afternoon ever. I was surprised by my ability to just be cool with someone, it almost made me feel better about coming to that party later on. Almost.

“Brendon, I’m kind of nervous,” I told him, bashfully. Brendon laughed it off.

“Why?” he asked, frantically pressing buttons as we played Kingdom Hearts. He wasn’t really paying attention, I could tell. Normally I would have been playing, but I was way too nervous now.

“Because,” I answered, rolling my eyes. “I’m sleeping over at a guys house where Ryan Ross is going to be present. ” I spoke not like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but it was the most obvious thing in the world. “You know what he does to me, I’ll probably act like an idiot.” Brendon laughed as he continued to competitively play the game.

“You’re such a girl, worrying about those things,” he said after gulping down some more Red Bull. I glared at him.

“Yeah, well maybe that’s because I am a girl,” I replied, annoyed. He laughed sarcastically.

“Oh yeah, I forgot.” He said, scoffing at me. I crossed me arms.

“Well you act like it,” I answered in reply, resentfully.

“Chill out, sister.” He said playfully, still squinting at the TV screen.

“Whatever, Brendon,” I replied, sticking my tongue out at him behind his back.

I would have continued to argue, but then I realized the lack of self-loathing I had done in the past few hours. I had shocked me when I realized that I had not put myself down once that afternoon. It was almost too weird. I tried to think of every insulting thing about myself to make up for it and immediately fell back into my safe, depressing state. Ah, now that’s more like it. I wonder what my life would be like if it was always like this afternoon. ’Probably terrible’ I thought. I’m so not doing this again.

“Brendon, I think I’m gonna go home,” I told him, starting to stand up. He stopped playing for the first time and looked back at me in confusion.

“Why?” he asked.

“I’m tired, and I need to start getting ready,” I replied, dusting chip crumbs off of my clothes.

“Well, okay,” he answered in uncertainty.

“Bye,” I said, walking out of his room.

“Bye,” but I didn’t hear him say it, I was already out the door before he could answer.