Forever and Always

"You look so pretty!" Roxy exclaimed throwing her arms around me.

I backed up from her, "You're psycho." I'd learned in the time I was on tour that this was true. Roxy was bi-polar and weird, but when you got past this she was just in general nice and in love with our sound guy, ironically. Her earlier bitchiness was explained away by her not having taken her medicine that day. I completely understood and we were good enough friends that I couldn't wait to introduce her to the other girls.

"Well you do! You practically glow. Almost as much as that ring." She giggled. I tucked my hand in my pocket. I wasn't ashamed; I was just tired of rehashing why it took Matt so long to pop the question.

"Yeah, when I'm not puking I feel great." I shrugged.

She frowned, "You're still sick?"

I nodded.

"That sucks. What's Matt say about it?" She hoisted herself up on an amp as we watched Matt and Brian showing MC all the technical stuff on the stage.

"He thinks that I'm pregnant again-or hopes anyway. I do too, but I dunno, it feels so different than when I was pregnant with MC. Of course, I didn't know I was pregnant with MC until my second trimester, but it still feels different. I'm sick all the time instead of only every once in a while like I was and I don't feel tired or anything. Like I said, I feel great." I smiled as MC pinched Brian's arm for rubbing his head.

"Don't you think it's time to go to the doctor? I mean, there might be something seriously wrong." Suddenly her face went red.

I looked behind me to see the sound guy wandering over. I laughed, "Get ready to talk to him, Roxy."

"I can't, Dani. I'll freak out. What would I talk about?" She fidgeted.

"Last night's show. Listen, I'm gonna go catch Matt and MC and see if they're ready to go back to the hotel. MC needs a bath." He hadn't had one in a few days, since the last time we were at a hotel. We were going home in a week, so I was trying to get him use to being clean more frequently again.

"Okay. Leaving me in a lurch, I see how it is." She rolled her eyes as I started to walk away from her

I laughed and apparently it caught Matt's attention. He looked up and smiled at me, "Hey, princess. How're you feeling?"

"I'm fine, love. How's Mama's little man?" I smiled as MC latched onto my legs. He was getting to be so clingy that I dreaded putting him in headstart this year.

"Sleepy. Mama, I tired." He rubbed his eyes.

"Me too, baby. Let's go take a bath and a nap, how's that sound?" I stroked his hair and looked up at Matt.

He caressed the side of my face, "Go on back. I'll be there in a few moments and I'll lay down with you two."

"Okay. See you in a few." I rose up to kiss him and took hold of MC's hand. After his bath, MC was out like a light and I laid beside of him, my eyes watching the slow ticking of the clock. Almost an hour later, they drooped closed with the thought of how long Matt was going to be.
Soft lips on my neck woke me up, "Come on, princess. You've been asleep for six hours and you've not had anything to eat all day. Let's get up."

I rolled slightly, "Six hours?"

"Umhum. We have thirty minutes before I have to be at the stage. I figured you'd like to eat before having to take care of MC." He rubbed the back of my head, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Listen, can you get Roxy to keep an eye on MC? I'm just really sleepy for some reason." I sighed.

He frowned, "Okay. Give me a kiss and I'll go ask her. I'm sure it won't be a problem. Baby?'

"Hum?"

"I think I'm going to just let you sleep tonight and I'll take MC to a different room okay?"

"No. I sleep better with you." I looked up at him.

He sighed, "Okay. Lay back down. I love you."

"I love you too." It felt weird saying that a split second after wandering if he'd just made up a reason to not have to sleep with me tonight. Several times I'd rolled over to snuggle into him during my "nap" and he wasn't there so I had to wonder if he'd come to bed with me at all.
Later that night, strong arms enveloped me and words were whispered into my hair. My eyes snapped open at them and I laid there for hours without going back to sleeping wondering What is he sorry for?

"Matt?" I asked, curling up on the couch. Finally we were at home.

"Yeah?" He asked from the bar in the corner of our living room.

"What were you apologizing for that night in Phoenix?" I asked softly.

He went still, "You heard that?"

"Yes."

"I kissed Roxy." He said it as casually as he'd say 'I dropped a plate.'

I stood up and walked from the room. He caught me before I was in the hall, headed toward our room, "I didn't mean to do it. I was telling her thank you for watching MC and it just happened. MC said 'ew!' and I just snapped out of it and thought: Matt, what the fuck are you doing? I didn't mean to. Baby, I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

I turned to look at him, "At least you were man enough to admit it, Matt. I just wanted to know. Thank you for that."

"You're being so cold and I don't blame you, but please don't. Don't take my baby from me."
He clutched me.

I looked at him, "Your baby? Matt, no one's leaving. I just . . . need to take a shower and go to the doctor, okay?"

"Promise me?" He framed my face.

I nodded. He kissed my forehead and I smiled halfheartedly before heading toward the bedroom.

I watched Daniellea walk into the bedroom with a sigh. She wasn't saying much and I knew that wasn't necessarily a good thing but her smile, wan and weak though it was, showed me she wasn't too pissed. I actually thought maybe she was just in shock. I went to MC's door and watched him playing with blocks on the floor, unable to believe I'd almost thrown my chance to be a good father to him away on a stupid kiss I hadn't even wanted. Daniellea and MC were my world, coming even before Avenged Sevenfold, and I was stupid to risk it even for a second.

"Hey, bud, get dressed. We're gonna take Mama to the doctor, okay?" He lifted his head and grinned at me.

"Okay, Daddy. Help me find my tshirt with the bat on it?" He had a miniature A7X shirt that we'd designed just for him. He loved wearing it but I had a feeling it was still the dirty clothes from tour. We'd only been home a few days.

"It's dirty, little man. Want to wear your Misfits shirt?" It was a present from Zacky, of course.

"Yeah!" He ran to his dresser and got it out, sticking it on over his head. Some more rummaging found jean shorts and socks to replace his pajamas. A moment later, I felt arms go around my neck as I helped him tie his shoes. I reached up to rub Daniellea's arm.

"Hey. You smell like vanilla." I smiled. It was my favorite scent on her.

"Umhum. Can we take MC to my mom's for the day, please?" She said softly into my back.

"Um, sure, if she'll agree to it. How come?" MC rarely went to her mom's because her brother still lived there.

"I just want us to spend the day by ourselves." She sighed, "After I get out of the doctor's office, that is."

"Okay. Come on, MC, we're going to go to Gran's." He hopped up off the bed where he was sitting and lifted his arms. I shook my head, "Not today, MC. I'm gonna carry Mama today."

Daniellea laughed, "And break your back, no thanks."

"El! You know I could lift twenty of you and not break a sweat. What are you thinking?" When I pulled her around to face me, I saw hurt in her eyes and knew what she was thinking. She thought I'd kissed Roxy because there was something wrong with her. Silently, I cursed not only myself but her brother and mom who'd drummed it into her all of her life that she wasn't good enough. I tipped her head back, "Don't. I love you, Daniellea, and you're perfect. This was my fuck up, nothing to do with you. Please don't. No."

Slow tears had coursed their way down her cheeks, bringing stinging ones to my own. I pulled her to me and lifted her off the floor. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I carried her into our room. Thankfully, MC was smart and stayed in his room because I just needed to show her I loved her.

Laying on the bed, I pulled her down on top of me, crashing our lips together. She moaned into my mouth and I smiled into the kiss, always pleased at her reaction to me. I tangled my hands into her hair and rolled us over so that we were pressed together. Her arms clung to me as our lips parted. I stroked her face, one hand still entangled in black tresses, "I love you, Daniellea. I'll apologize a thousand times a day if I have to, but please know that I do love you very much and there was no reason at all for me kissing Roxy. You're gorgeous-"

"No, I'm not, Matt and I never have been. I know this and you don't have to pretend otherwise, even though I thank you for it." She sighed and then made a face. I recognized that face and reached for the wastebasket beside our bed, moving off of her. She rolled over just in enough time to be sick into it. I scooped her up.

"You're beautiful but you're sick. Let's go." I carried her through the apartment, "Come on, MC, we're leaving." I didn't take MC to her mom's first, instead I went directly to the doctor's office. She was seen almost immediately by her doctor.

The doctor ran several tests, some of which she made me leave the room for and when I came back in, looked at her grimly, "You should have been in here months ago, Daniellea. How can you expect to carry full term twins without regular doctor visits?"

Daniellea blinked, "Twins?"

"Yes, twins. Two heartbeats, very faint and fluttery though. Miss Nordstrum, how often do you feel nauseous?"

"Nearly all the time." She sighed.

I was watching this with a feeling of shock and not knowing how Dani must have felt. She found out I practically cheated on her and that she was carrying twins all on the same day. I gathered her close to me as she and the doctor talked about setting up appointments, vitamins, and the such.

The doctor turned to me, "Mr. Sanders, I suggest that you make sure your girlfriend isn't stressed. She's too small to go through this pregnancy without a bunch of complications as it is. Make sure she takes the vitamins, they'll help with her sickness and make sure she doesn't lift anything heavy, although I'd say from looking at you that's not an option anyway." Who says being gargantuan doesn't have it's perks?

I smirked, "Usually not. How come we never know she's pregnant earlier than at least four months?"

"She's one of the few women that have their periods their entire pregnancy. Other than morning sickness, or in her case with the twins-all day sickness, there are no reasons to suspect. Daniellea, be extra careful this time around. Eat when your hungry, don't skip meals or snacks because you're eating for three. Mr. Sanders, I want to talk to you privately, please?" She raised her eyebrows. I nodded. Daniellea caught MC's hand and lead him out to the waiting room. She turned back to me, "I take it you know about Daniellea's depression problem in the past?"

"Of course." I knew the reasons too.

"Make sure she doesn't fall back into that. That would be exceptionally unhealthy right now. Make sure she's comfortable and happy. I'm not saying spoil her rotten and keep her from doing anything just make sure she's happy. Emotions have as big an impact on the well being of a baby as physical things do. Can you do that?"

Just a few weeks ago I could have said "No problem, I know my girlfriend adores me as much as I adore her so she's always happy." Yet now all I could keep thinking was how I'd fucked up already.