Are You Comfortable With This?

I just stared, my mouth hanging open from being cut off mid sentence by the sight in front of me; my eyes wide with shock, stinging with tears. I realised he was staring straight back up at me, and I snapped my mouth shut, taking one step back, not breaking eye contact with him; tears began to fall, silently. He stood up slowly, holding his hands up defensively. I just stood there, unable to move, it was like I was nailed in place.

“Effy, I can explain” He said, pathetically. What was there to explain? The explanation is pretty clear in front of me. I thought to myself.

“Don’t call me that.” I said, through gritted teeth, my jaw tense.

“Okay, but Fearne just listen to me” He answered.

I shook my head, “No. I never want to see you again, Josh” I said, my voice weak and hoarse, before swallowing the lump at the back of my throat and turning on my heel, and running out the door, [where it happened to be raining; hard] and started the fifteen minutes walk to my flat.

And then it happened; I broke down, tears streaming down my face, and sobs racking out from my chest as the picture of Josh hovering over that girl while kissing her hungrily ran around my brain over and over again.

Without thinking, I entered the huge building, which was Ryan’s apartment block; walked into the lift mindlessly; pressed the button labelled three, and waited for the thick silver doors in front of me to open again.

Five minutes later, and I was knocking on Ryan’s door. He opened it with a big grin on his face, but that quickly faded when he saw my wet hair, absent expression, and my make-up streaming down my face from the rain, and from my tears, and he quickly pulled me into a hug.

“What happened?” He whispered, holding me at arms length now by the shoulders. I took a deep breath before answering.

“Josh cheated on me” I answered, looking anywhere but his face, trying to avoid his sympathy-stares.

“What a dick” He said, dropping his arms to his sides. “Do you want to come in? The guys are here…” He said I just nodded; I needed some company right now.

“Can I go to the bathroom first” I asked, and he nodded. I walked through his apartment and into the bathroom, staring at my reflection in the mirror. What a mess I thought to myself, before splashing water in my face to get rid of the black lines down my face.

When I fixed my appearance so I didn’t look like I had been attacked by an octopus, I walked through to the living room, and took a seat on the couch next to Brendon.

“Hey guys” I said to everyone, again looking anywhere but their faces; sympathy is the last thing I need right now. They all said “Hi” back, although I could hear it in their voices. Brendon slung his arm casually round my shoulders, and I wrapped my arms around his torso in response, trying to hold back the tears again.

Brendon and I have been best friends since the first day of high school, soon followed by Spencer, and we met Jon and Ryan about a year ago, at Starbucks. It’s a long story, but let’s just say Jon will do anything for a chocolate frappachino.

Brendon got up and started headed to the kitchen; looking for a red bull, no doubt.
“Hey Effy, where are you gonna stay? I mean, you can stay here if you want…” Ryan said. I didn’t even think about that; where would I stay? I used to live with Josh, and, well, that’s not going to happen anymore.

“Ryan, you have no spare rooms, and I can’t exactly bunk on your couch” I answered, unsure of what the hell I was going to do. “I guess I’ll just put an ad in the paper or something” I said, mainly to myself.

“Hey, Eff, we won’t let you do that.” Ryan said, shaking his head, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Well, what else am I going to do? I mean, none of these guys have spare rooms, do they?” I asked, pretty sure the answer would be no. After I spoke, though, everyone’s heads turned towards Brendon, who was currently stuffing his face with food from the refrigerator, and realising the sudden silence, he turned his head towards us, swallowing loudly when he noticed how all the attention was on him.

“What?” He said, the confusion obvious in his voice, while he walked over to the couch and sat on the arm.

“Hey, Bren you have a spare room don’t you?” Spencer asked.

“Yeah, why?” He answered, and everyone turned to me again, with smug looks on their faces.

“You guys, I couldn’t just move in on him like that, it’s not fair” I said, looking around at them all. You could practically hear the click as Brendon pieced it all together and his confusion was relieved.

“Hey, Eff, that’s totally fine. It’d be great! We could be roomies!” Brendon said, unable to sit still as he was suddenly very excited.

“Really? Thanks, Bren, you’re a life saver!” I said, jumping up and wrapping my arms around his neck. He wormed his arms around my waist in reply.

“Hey, it’s nothing.” He said as I sat back down on the couch. “When shall we get your stuff?” He asked.

“Oh crap, I never thought of that. I’m going to actually have to see him again” I said, with a sigh. “I guess I should go now, get it over with.” I said, getting up.

“Eff, it’s one am” Jon quickly reminded me.

“Oh shit. I guess I’ll just get it tomorrow.” I said, taking a seat on the floor next to Ryan’s legs.

“You can crash here for the night, if you want. The guys are, too” Ryan said, and I nodded.

“Thanks Ryan.” I said, before Brendon took a seat next to me.

---

I woke up the next morning to light streaming through the window; my favourite way to wake up. I laid there for a couple of minutes, with a smile on my face before sitting up and looking around.

The guys were all sprawled across the floor asleep with the exception of Brendon, who was no where to be seen; obviously there was alcohol involved with last nights antics, which is probably why I don’t remember anything, and would explain the pounding in my head every time I moved it.

“Hey Eff.” Brendon said, falling onto the couch next to me with a slice of toast. I squinted at him; the sun not helping my hangover.

“How are you not hung-over?” He shrugged, I scowled at him; I’ve always hated this about Brendon, no matter how much he drinks, he is always good as new the next morning. “What’s the time?” I asked.

“Twelve thirty. Why?” He answered.

“Shit. I was supposed to be at Josh’s at eleven” I said, slumping back into the couch.

“Hey, I got it.” Brendon said. “He made it pretty easy actually, just left these boxes outside his door” He continued. I practically jumped on him and threw my arms around his neck.

“Thank you thank you thank you!” I said. “Thank you so much!” I said, again. He chuckled.

“Hey, it’s fine” He said, grinning, I grinned back before slumping down on the couch again.

I looked around, confused, “so where are these said boxes?” I asked.

“Oh, I took them to mine” He said, smiling.

“You’re awesome, do you know that?” I said, heading to the medicine cabinet to get away from this deadly hangover.

“Well, you can’t hide from the truth” Brendon said, before sipping on his coffee. “So… erm wanna head back to mine now?” He asked, awkwardly. I swallowed down two pills, and nodded.

I scribbled a note before heading out the door, grabbing my coat and walking down the stairs of my apartment block with Brendon hot on my heel, who was being surprisingly quiet.

“What’s the rush?” He said, before I slowed and shrugged. He shrugged back and sat down on a nearby bench. I raised my eyebrows at him. “If there’s no rush, I wanna sit down for a bit” He said. I shrugged for the second time and sat down next to him. He turned his body to me after a few minutes, and I mirrored his actions, waiting for him to speak. “So, are you gonna talk to Josh about all this?” I turned back so I was forward, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“No.” I replied, bluntly, staring at the ground in front of me. To be perfectly honest, I hadn’t really thought about it since; I guess the guys helped me forget about it.

“Are you sure? I mean, we all know how much you love him.” He replied, staring at the side of my face.

“I am very sure. I never want to see him again; he broke my heart. And yes, you’re right, I did love him” I answered simply, putting emphasis on the did. Those feelings were long gone now. He sighed.

“Are you sure you don’t even want to talk things through with him? Let him explain?” He answered; I whipped my head round to look at him, a stern look on my face when the words from the last question left his lips.

“What is there to explain, Brendon? He was fucking some bitch, stabbing me in the back, when I trusted him the most. I really think this is a situation that doesn’t need to be explained, Bren” I said, starting to get annoyed with Brendon’s interference.

“I know, I know. But don’t you think he would have some kind of explanation? I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but maybe you two could work things out” He explained, my face softened.

“I don’t know. I just don’t think I can face him just yet, Brendon. He broke my heart, and I loved him so much.” I said, tears beginning to form in my eyes. Brendon pulled me onto his lap, being the great friend he is.

“Shhhh, it’s gonna be fine” He said, whilst stroking my hair as I cried silently into his chest.

We sat there for at least an hour, while I cried in to Brendon’s shoulder, ruining his shirt, and he comforted me, before we made our way back to Brendon’s apartment and watched a few movies together, mimicking the characters, stupidly. This is one of the great things about Brendon; he’s one fo those people who can make you forget about everything shit going on, but making you laugh.

Anyway, after a few crappy movies and a lot more crappy imitations, I made my way to bed and let sleep take me to a better place; my dreams.

[Title credit goes to Knife Called Lust – Hollywood undead.]