Are You Comfortable With This?

The next morning, a smile plastered across my face as I enjoyed the warmth of the sun streaming in through the blinds, and comfort of my bed, this smile slowly disappeared, though as I came back down to Earth and realised what was going on with my life at the moment.
Who I thought was the love of my life, cheated on me.
As I have only lived here for a day, I still don’t count it as my home, and am therefore homeless.
And finally, my best friend otherwise known as Brendon Urie is going on tour in a couple of months, a tour which happened to last for two and a half months. I was dreading being away from him, because now that I don’t have Josh, I would have no one close to me. But you know, shit happens, I guess.
Noticing the time was half eleven, I yawned before getting up and heading to the kitchen in my pyjamas; a baggy grey top and chequered bottoms; where Brendon was happily munching on a bowl of Lucky Charms, wearing nothing but a pair of baggy boxers, he looked up when he heard my footsteps and gave me a quick nod, before getting back to stuffing his face, I rolled my eyes at him before pouring myself a bowl.
“So, you doing anything today?” I said, before shoving a spoonful of Charms into my mouth. Looking hesitant, he swallowed loudly before answering.
“Well, I was kind of hoping I could talk you into seeing Josh today.” He said, I looked down to my cereal.
“Bren, I’ve already told you. I never want to see him again” I murmured, suddenly feeling exposed. I’m not really one for discussing my feelings, because it makes me feel like this; vulnerable. I don’t like that feeling.
“I know, but I really think this would help you.” He said. I knew this would not end in my favour, so I gave in, reluctantly.
“Ugh, fine. But why do you care so much?” I asked, meeting his gaze
“Are you kidding, Fearne? You’re my best friend, and I love you. I just want you to be happy” He answered. I just blushed before getting back to eating my charms. “So I was thinking we leave around twelve thirty?” He said, washing his bowl up.
“Sounds good.” I said, finishing up and washing my bowl up before having a shower and getting changed into a pair of light-blue jeans, and a blue chequered shirt, and waited on the couch in the living room for Brendon.
When he came out, I slipped on my white converse and headed out the door, Brendon walking beside me.
“Rushing again, are we?” He teased.
“I’m ripping off the band aid. Quick and painless.” I said, mainly to reassure myself.
“Mhmm.” Brendon replied, obviously not convinced, I simply glared at him, but he smiled that goofy smile back.
We walked the rest of the way in a comfortable silence, Brendon throwing me worried glances every few seconds, but all I could think of was what I was going to say to Josh.
Before I knew it, I was walking up the path to his massive house; I turned to Brendon before I knocked on the door.
“So… are you going, or coming in?” I asked, my voice shaky.
“Are you kidding? I’m coming in with you, Eff.” He said, with a reassuring smile; I nodded before pressing my finger down on the bell, and a few seconds later, there he was, Josh was standing in front of me, looking beautiful, as if to spite me. I sighed. His dark hair looked so fluffy and soft, I just wanted to run my hands through it, like I used to, but I resisted. His blue eyes still had that sparkle in them, which made me want to grin up at him, but I resisted. His plump pink lips looked softer than ever, and completely irresistible, I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, and have him kiss me back, like he used to, but I resisted.
Brendon coughed next to me, which bought be back to reality. The man in front of me broke my heart, that was all I had to think about, and I shook my head, to try and forget how handsome he is.
“Josh. We need to talk.” I whispered, looking down at the mat.
“Sure, come on in, Effy” He said, his voice warm, and welcoming. I stepped inside, closely followed by Brendon. I stopped him before he could come in.
“Bren, I really appreciate you being here, but I need to do this alone. You can wait for me if you want, but please, can you just leave me and Josh for now?” I asked, he nodded and pecked me on the cheek before turning on his heel and walking back down the drive. I turned back to Josh.
“Wanna go into the living room?” He asked. I nodded and went in there, after he closed the front door. I sat down on the couch below the window, making sure not to sit on the couch that he fucked that girl on. “So…” He said, taking a seat on said couch. I snapped my head up to meet his gaze.
“Why? And this better be good” I said, blankly. He sighed before looking down at the floor. “Okay, don’t tell me why. I don’t care, to be honest. How long?” I asked.
“Six months.” He said. My jaw dropped and my eyes widened to twice their size, I stood up and threw my arms in the air, he stood up, too.
“Six months?! Six fucking months, Josh? Are you fucking KIDDING me?!” I asked.
“Calm the fuck down, Fearne” He said, bluntly.
“Excuse me?” I said, shocked by his choice of words. Am I the bad guy all of a sudden?
“I said, calm down. I mean, couldn’t you see this coming? I stopped loving you after a year, and fell in love with Tina. What more can I say?” He said, as if there was nothing wrong with what he just said. I felt my eyes sting as the tears sprang to them.
“What?” I said so quietly it was a whisper, before falling on the couch and looking up at him. “You stopped loving me?” He just nodded and I stood up and slapped him as hard as I could round the face. “You’re a pig, Josh. Screw you” I said.
“What the fuck! Couldn’t you see that coming? I mean, didn’t you realise the way I looked at you was different?” He asked, as if it was obvious. I tried to walk away, but he grabbed my arms and dug his nails in, through anger.
“No, I didn’t Josh. But I guess I’m just some stupid little bitch that happened to love you and sleep in the same bed as you, aren’t I.” I said, tears falling now. “You’re hurting me” I said, but he just gripped me tighter.
“I don’t care, Effy, you… you just make me so angry! This is exactly why I stopped loving you. You always throw all your problems on everyone else, and it’s not fair, Eff! I mean, you dragged Brendon into this, and probably Ryan to! Newsflash, honey, it’s none of their fucking business, so get. A. Fucking. Grip.” He said, I tried to get away from his stares, but it was no use.
“Get off of me, Josh. I hate you. You’re nothing to me. You’re dead to me, now” I said, but I knew almost straight away that it was a mistake, as he released his grip and brought his clenched fist to my eye, hard.
“Fuck you, Fearne Simpson.” He said, before picking me up and practically dragging me to the door, “Now get the fuck out” He said, opening the door for me and I stumbled out.
“Fine, but just remember this Josh, you were perfect to me. But now you’re nothing to me.” He slammed the door in my face and I clutched my eye in pain; it was badly bruised. I leaned against the now closed door before sliding down to the ground, and sobbing quietly into my hands. That was the hardest thing I have had to do in a while.
After a while, I decided to get up and walk back to Brendon’s apartment. I wonder what he’ll have to say about the new colour surrounding my eye.
As soon as I walked in the door Brendon was there, he pulled me onto the couch onto his lap and hugged me to his chest, he didn’t even notice the massive bruise taking up half my face at first.
“How did it- What the fuck happened to your face?” He said, I sighed.
“Do you really need to ask that?” I whispered, but told him anyway, “He hit me”
“Shit. Are you serious?” He said, stroking my hair.
“No, I’m joking, this is face paint” I said, [note the sarcasm] with raised eyebrows.
“I can’t believe he would do this to you…” He said, holding my head in between his hands, and lightly stroking his thumb where my bruise is. I closed my eyes as I felt more tears spring to my eyes; I am not a fan of crying in front of people. We sat there like that for a few more minutes before he pulled me close to his chest for another hug, I appreciated this and clung to his shirt, letting a few tears fall silently, while he stroked my hair.
“I thought he loved me” I whispered in his chest.
“I know, we all did; but you’re way too good for him, anyway” He said, with a smirk. I smiled back, weakly; he’s only trying to lighten the mood. “Wanna go to Ryan’s?” He asked, I nodded. “Come on then,” He said.
We walked to Ryan’s apartment hand-in-hand, Brendon’s obviously trying everything he can to comfort me, and make me forget about Josh, by acting the way we did before I even met Josh, which was in High school.
When we got the Ryan’s, we both sat on the couch together, and Ryan and Jon were stuffing their faces with pizza, we each grabbed a slice.
“Hey guys” I said, focusing all my attention on my pizza.
“Oh, hey Bren, Eff.” Ryan replied, obviously too absorbed in their game of halo to even notice that we came in.
Brendon and I went back to his at around eleven thirty, after a night full of video games, pizza and Ryan being absolutely thrashed in halo.
“Well I’m off to bed.” I said as we got in Brendon’s flat.
“Eff?” He said, closing the door.
“Mmm?” I replied, turning around to meet his gaze.
“Are you sure you’re okay? I mean, after everything that’s happened… Look, what I’m trying to say is that I love you and I’m here if you need anyone to talk to.” He said, looking down at the carpet. I closed the gap between us with a hug.
“I love you too Brendon, but really, I’m fine. I think. Well, I know I’ll be fine, whether I’m fine now or not.” He smiled down at me before kissing my hair. “And, thank you, Brendon” I said into his chest.
“For what?” He asked, confused.
“For everything, for letting me stay with you, for coming with me to Josh, and for just being there for me. It means a lot, really.” I said, he smiled down at me and pecked me on the cheek.
“You’re very welcome, I’m here anytime.” He said, and I smiled at him before heading off to my bedroom to get ready and go to bed.

[Title credit goes to Circles – Hollywood Undead.]