Hand in Mine, Into Your Icy Blues
Ashes To Ashes, We All Fall Down
[Frank's POV]
Her name was Katherine. She had long black hair and the perfect body. She laughed a lot and always knew what to say. She had white teeth and this way of illustrating everything she said with rapid hand motions. She was the kind of girl I had always been stunned by. And she was Gerard's girlfriend.
The realization of it crushed me more than it should have. I had known I wouldn't have a chance with Gerard. He... well, he was straight, obviously. He was five years older than me. We were complete opposites. So I hadn't let my feelings get out of control. I had even managed to forget Gerard for awhile. I guess my little "crush" just wasn't really that big of a deal.
Except for it kind of really was. I usually would have been fascinated by a person like Katherine. Instead, I wanted to shove her into the wall every time she entered a room. I didn't like myself for that. Sometimes, when I was strumming random rhythms on my guitar, subconsciously becoming so absorbed in the melody that everything around me became a low hum and my emotions rose to the surface and laced themselves around my fingers, my vision would become cloudy and I would realize my eyes were wet. The lyrics I wrote in the notebooks I used for the classes I was beginning to pay less and less attention in began to center around "constantly setting suns" and "crystallized insides". I didn't like caring so much. I didn't need the added weight of caring for someone who would never love me back.
She worked at the record store Gerard always went to near Barnes & Noble's. It was obvious why Gerard had fallen for her. But why did she like him back? What about the whole thing with him being on drugs, smoking 24/7, showering only every couple of weeks, and never expressing any dreams or plans for his future? Gerard didn't even try to change for her. Yet she still kissed him goodbye on the cheek, called him her sickeningly sweet nickname du jour as often as she could, and slipped her hand into his back pocket when they took walks together. What could she see in him? It felt like betrayal that someone else had enough insight to fall in love with the Gerard beneath the clouds of gray smoke and smell of pot.
However, despite all these thoughts, I didn't want Katherine to break up with Gerard. He was so happy around her. And no matter what, I liked seeing Gerard happy. I didn't want anything to hurt him.
[Gerard's POV]
I had met her at the record store near Mikey's bookstore. She was different from anyone I had known before. It was like a constant aura of happiness followed her. You couldn't be around her without wanting to get to know her more. The evening after I had met her, I had found myself admitting to myself that I could use a girlfriend. I didn't like feeling dependent on anyone, but the thought of having someone to care for appealed to me in a scary sort of way. I had been able to feel myself changing in the last few months. Thinking more clearly. The sudden change was disturbing to a mind that had been clogged with cigarette smoke and pot leaves for the past few years.
Katherine did make me happy. I knew she had her share of problems, but she seemed to be able to throw them away in favor of a ribbon of carelessness that I couldn't help but want to wrap around myself. I liked Katherine. A lot. It was just...
I didn't love her.
Her name was Katherine. She had long black hair and the perfect body. She laughed a lot and always knew what to say. She had white teeth and this way of illustrating everything she said with rapid hand motions. She was the kind of girl I had always been stunned by. And she was Gerard's girlfriend.
The realization of it crushed me more than it should have. I had known I wouldn't have a chance with Gerard. He... well, he was straight, obviously. He was five years older than me. We were complete opposites. So I hadn't let my feelings get out of control. I had even managed to forget Gerard for awhile. I guess my little "crush" just wasn't really that big of a deal.
Except for it kind of really was. I usually would have been fascinated by a person like Katherine. Instead, I wanted to shove her into the wall every time she entered a room. I didn't like myself for that. Sometimes, when I was strumming random rhythms on my guitar, subconsciously becoming so absorbed in the melody that everything around me became a low hum and my emotions rose to the surface and laced themselves around my fingers, my vision would become cloudy and I would realize my eyes were wet. The lyrics I wrote in the notebooks I used for the classes I was beginning to pay less and less attention in began to center around "constantly setting suns" and "crystallized insides". I didn't like caring so much. I didn't need the added weight of caring for someone who would never love me back.
She worked at the record store Gerard always went to near Barnes & Noble's. It was obvious why Gerard had fallen for her. But why did she like him back? What about the whole thing with him being on drugs, smoking 24/7, showering only every couple of weeks, and never expressing any dreams or plans for his future? Gerard didn't even try to change for her. Yet she still kissed him goodbye on the cheek, called him her sickeningly sweet nickname du jour as often as she could, and slipped her hand into his back pocket when they took walks together. What could she see in him? It felt like betrayal that someone else had enough insight to fall in love with the Gerard beneath the clouds of gray smoke and smell of pot.
However, despite all these thoughts, I didn't want Katherine to break up with Gerard. He was so happy around her. And no matter what, I liked seeing Gerard happy. I didn't want anything to hurt him.
[Gerard's POV]
I had met her at the record store near Mikey's bookstore. She was different from anyone I had known before. It was like a constant aura of happiness followed her. You couldn't be around her without wanting to get to know her more. The evening after I had met her, I had found myself admitting to myself that I could use a girlfriend. I didn't like feeling dependent on anyone, but the thought of having someone to care for appealed to me in a scary sort of way. I had been able to feel myself changing in the last few months. Thinking more clearly. The sudden change was disturbing to a mind that had been clogged with cigarette smoke and pot leaves for the past few years.
Katherine did make me happy. I knew she had her share of problems, but she seemed to be able to throw them away in favor of a ribbon of carelessness that I couldn't help but want to wrap around myself. I liked Katherine. A lot. It was just...
I didn't love her.