Fiend

"So Marina, tell me a little about yourself. Sort of like, what made it so that you ended up here today?" Dr. Jones sat with his legs folded, two hands over one knee. I started to have anxiety over the cliche psychiatrist act.

"Well, I'm seventeen and a senior in high school. Ended up getting involved in some rough shit early in my life and wanted to kill myself because of it." I shrugged. I didn't like talking about myself. I wasn't exciting and I didn't like the idea of pity.

"What kind of "shit" as you like to call it?" He air quoted the around the word shit. I silently giggled to myself.

"Please don't make me talk about it."

"That is fine. I will not pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do." To hear someone say that was like a breath of fresh air for me. All of my life I was so used to people pressuring me. I didn't want to be that person anymore. I wanted to dominate my own life.

Since I refused to talk to him, Dr. Jones pulled out a few games. He placed a deck of cards on the coffee table between us and asked if I wanted to play Go Fish. I wasn't twelve, so I found the idea remotely stupid. But whatever would pass the time.

Another hour passed and we played Scrabble. Deep down, I was a bookworm at heart so I loved words. When my mother passed, all I did was read in my room. My father despised me and I had no friends so all I could do was turn to the comfort and company of paperbacks. My favorite novel still to this day is Speak. So I guess I could thank reading for my good grades in English.

He played the word hurt, a seven pointer. I was down by twenty two points now. So I decided to play the twelve point word abusive. At least I was getting somewhere. Then I saw where this was going. He placed three tiles on the board from one of my previous words, obtuse. W-h-o. I cringed a little. I didn't know if I should have answered him or not.

I sighed and placed down the word dad from the a in abusive. Five points. My last tiles. I lost the game.

"So your father..."

I didn't let him finish, "yes."

"For how long?"

"Long enough."

"Does your mother know?"

I want to cry, "My mother has been dead for eight years."

He looked uncomfortable now. As if he just reopened a wound on his own flesh, "I'm sorry to bring it up then."

"As I said, a lot of shit has happened."

We were silent for a few minutes. I listened to the fan blowing from the corner of the room, rustling the papers on his desk. He was tapping his pencil on his notebook. I wanted to scream. I was never supposed to let that secret out, never.

Dr. Jones broke the silence, "We have much more to discuss. But you've been here for an awfully long time today. I want to let you go for now. Please come back tomorrow at two. As of right now, you're free to return to your home."

I couldn't tell if I was happy to finally return to a nice warm bed or if I was ecstatic to just be out of that office, but either way I raced home. I was ready to hug Liam as if I haven't seen him in years. I felt like he would be so excited to see me when I walked through that front door. I was ready to see my solace.

But when I walked through that front door, I got an eerie feeling that something was wrong.

"Liam?" I yelled through the apartment.

No one answered.

I panicked and checked every room, in an attempt to make sure that he didn't do something stupid while I was gone. When it was clear that no one was here, I paced back and forth. I was thinking of the worse possible scenario. Liam had disappeared and killed himself due to the grief of what he had done.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no." I viciously ran my hands through my hair. I was hyperventilating. I can NOT handle this right now.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a note. It was small and on the kitchen counter. I picked it up and not even a few minutes later, it dropped to the floor. My whole world was caving in.

"Marina,

I am currently in a messed up state. I don't know how to explain my sudden departure to you than anything other than a sense of finding myself. I won't tell you where I'm going because I do not want you to follow me. Please know that I never meant to hurt you and it is better off this way. I love you. Please, please, please do not doubt that I don't love you. You mean the world to me and I will forever and always remember you. Goodbye.

- L"