Fiend

I arrived home from school with Liam. Since the incident at my house, I had asked Liam if he would be able to spare me some living space for a few months. I needed to get myself together. The more that I felt like my life was coming together, there were pieces falling apart in the mix.

“You got some mail.” Liam threw the lone envelope on his kitchen table.

I was slightly confused. No one knew my new address, at least to my knowledge. But I spotted that handwriting from anywhere. It was him.

“Jason.” I whispered. At the mention of his name, I could see from the corner of my eye that Liam's lips curled up.

“How did he know I would be here? Did you speak to him recently?”

“Yeah actually, a few days ago. Must have sent that out right afterwards.” Liam shrugged and left the room.

There were only a few minutes before I had to commute to work but I couldn’t ignore his letter. My hands were shaky as I thought about what he wrote within this letter. Was he angry? Or did he just want someone he could talk to? I opened the folded up paper hidden within that envelope and began to find the answers to my questions.

Marina,

Before I start to talk about anything else, how are you? Liam had just recently told me about his and your altercation with your father. Why didn’t you tell me something was wrong? You knew how many times I was there after school, dropping you off. I could have helped you if something serious is or was happening. There were no reasons or excuses for him to be treating you like that.

When he told me about it, I was sick to my stomach. It reminded me of what you said I was trying to do to Liam. If I really did act like that to basically my own flesh and blood, I would have killed myself. Liam is my brother for life and if anything would ever happen to him, I don’t know if I would be able to stand living. So just hearing that your own flesh and blood would try to harm you is disgusting and putrid.

Next, I just want to tell you that I am not mad or upset with you. This was for the best, for me. It will allow me to better myself and get down to the reason as to why I was abusing PCP in the first place. Please believe me that the guy you had to see was not who I am. I am sorry you had to see him. I have heard from others in the past that he is a very terrifying being.

As for here, it sucks. It really does. I have two cell mates who are okay. One of them, Paco, tries to bully me a lot. I tell him to fuck off. I think that since taking the drugs, I haven’t been afraid of people anymore. Or at least people like Paco do not scare me. My other cell mate, Kevin, was arrested for a DUI. He’s only going to be here for another two months. That means I’m stuck here alone with Paco until a) my sentence is up or b) I rot in here (internally) because of his annoying ass.

My rehab sessions are alright too. Kevin and I attend them together. I also forgot to mention that Kevin is only a year older than me. To get a DUI that young shows you that it’s so easy to obtain alcohol and a car in this state. So while in rehab, I have to hear of all these sappy stories about deaths and mistakes. Sometimes, actually most of the time, I feel like never returning to these sessions. But I know in order to get out in 6 months; I have to go to them. It seems I can never win.

Please send Liam my well wishes. I miss him so and tell him that he will always be my brother. It sucks that Liam and I are in a rocky state of our friendship/brotherhood right now because he found out about the situation with Jorge. But I will never give up on Liam. I hope this will all blow over soon.

As for you, please come and visit me soon. I have already told Liam to as well. I do get fairly lonely here and I can have visitors once a week for a half hour. I would enjoy the company.

Until Then,
Jason