Into the Ocean

I couldn't tell you that I wasn't skeptical of the place. I opened the door, instantly hit with a cloud of dust and cobwebs. No one had lived here in twenty years and it was in the middle of no where. But I suppose it was the best I could get in my situation.

The place was littered with old furniture, portraits, and memories. It seemed too big for only me to stay in, but I believed the bigger or better. I wouldn't have to go into civilization unless absolutely necessary.

I put my hat and coat on the hanger in the foyer and walked casually throughout the house, finding a place on the second floor to use as my bedroom.

The guy that had let me rent the place had had a maid come in once a year to straighten up the house. Therefore the bedroom and bathroom wasn't so bad, but it didn't even have a shower. Imagine that. But I didn't mind being old-fashioned.

Clare liked old-fashioned things. She always had. Our apartment was littered with antiques from all over the world. Collecting them and selling them was her hobby. She didn't work so she'd had a lot of time to do that...

I looked out the window in my room, feeling a chill come over me. Oh you know, all old houses are haunted. I believed in ghosts and I believed they were fascinating. At least if I had a ghost with me I wouldn't be completely lonely.

Tired from the long drive, I decided to take a bath. At least the place had plumbing, I had to give it that. I turned on the spout and let the hot water run as I undressed. I didn't prefer baths because they took awhile and basically you just sat in your own wet dirt. But you have to do what you have to do.

Sitting in the bath, another chill came over me.

"Is anyone there?" I muttered to the dusty air. "I'm not afraid of you."

No answer.

I got out of the bath and put a towel on. There was a beautiful antique mirror in the bathroom. I stared at myself, disheartened by what looked back at me. I was only twenty seven, but the wrinkles and stress lines on my face showed someone much older. The past two months had really took a toll on me. I'd always used to look so young. And my face was pale. I had lost a lot of weight too. I hadn't had an appetite and I hadn't been to the gym. But I guess there really was no need anymore. Who did I have to impress?

I had brought groceries with me, which I stored in the little ice box in the kitchen. I grabbed something small and ate it fast. In fact, I forced myself to eat it. I forced myself to eat so I wouldn't wither away and die.

Once I ate, I went outside. It was almost sunset, Clare's favorite time of day. The house had a wrap-around porch like most Victorians do. I brought out a chair and sat there, watching the sun as it sank into the horizon.

I ocassionally looked to my right, hoping Clare would appear beside me, a cup of tea in her hand. But that was silly. I knew I should have looked to the future, but I couldn't stop living in the past. There are so many things you think to do when the fact is over, when the person is gone. I would have changed so many things, but she was gone and that was that.

"Clare, I hope you like heaven," I whispered. I figured I'd be doing a lot of talking to the air while I was there. "I know I don't belong there. Only you do. You were born an angel. But will you save a place for me? Even if for a day? I would wait an eternity to see your face again."

Sitting there, watching that sunset, was the first time I cried since she was gone.

I walked silently up to bed and snuggled under the covers. They smelled nice and clean. I think the owner might have sent his maid recently, knowing I was going to be living there.

But I couldn't get to sleep.

After an hour or two of laying still, I got up and rummaged through a suitcase. I found the bottle of Clare's favorite perfume and sprayed the one side of the bed with it. I crawled back in and closed my eyes. I grabbed the pillow beside me and held it close, finally finding sleep.

Sometimes, the little things like that can bring you back to those you've loved and lost.