The Aftermath Of Losing The Savior
The Choas Begins
Chapter 5 No one’s P.O.V
They all walked out of the now haunting house, they all wanted Gee to be there in the morning when they came back but they all knew that won't happen. The car ride to Ray's was the most quiet ride ever experienced, Frank for once was sitting still and blankly staring out the window. There was no radio playing the Smashing pumpkins or The Smiths, and no Gerard singing along. No more of Gerard’s giggles as they joked about the most random things Mikey will always miss this, Gerard's randomness and his smile that toothy grin that can make any one melt.
The way Gerard would taunt Frank by eating the last skittle slowly as they were on a long road trip or just anytime they were driving with skittles. Frankie put his hand in his pocket and found a bag of skittles. He opened up the bag and ate some then shared with the rest of his friends, the taste turned sour in his mouth as if the skittles were only sweet when Gerard was around. At the last one he looked at it and didn’t eat it. He couldn’t, It was Gerard's.....
Life will never be the same ever, Why did it have to be Gerard? Why not Matt they could easily replace Matt. They will never go back...What about the fans? They are going to soon find out about this. There were photographers taking pictures at the house. They finally pulled up at Ray's house. It didn’t seem as welcoming. It seemed empty as if something was missing. Gerard wasn’t there jumping out of the car and running in the house to blast Morissey. There wasn't Gerard talking about this idea for another song .....simply Gerard is gone. No one could stop think about it.
"Ray can I borrow your phone I..I.....I need to tell my parents" Mikey asked, he was stuttering something he hardly ever did. "Mikey...are you sure, don’t you wanna wait till morning?" Ray looked at him tiredly. "They need to know" Mikey argued. "True...Okay, Mikey." Ray said then handed him the phone. Mikey quickly dialed the number.
"Hi Mom...yeah I know it's ...late....but...something happened to Gerard...he ...he died Mama" No response from his Mother Donna. Mikey let out a strangled cry, he couldn't grasp the words he just spoke. He dreaded knowing that this wasn't some sick twisted dream. And the one horrid thought that was trap in his mind was the possibility that he could have saved his hero. He could have called the paramedics and saved him. "But I didn't know" he kept telling himself. He couldn’t stop the thought though.
"MIKEY?" his mother voice shouted from the phone snapping him out of his daze.
"Yeah uhh what mom" He finally spoke.
"When is the funeral" She asked calmly, too calmly for a mother who just lost her first child.
"Mom aren’t you thinking a little bit ahead? Don’t you even ask me how I am doing? I am fucking dying inside here and all you care about is when you put your first born son six feet under?" Mikey shouted all his pent up rage being taken out on his mother.
"WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO THINK MICHAEL, GERARD'S DEAD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT GIVE HIM A DESCENT BURIAL" She yelled back.
"MOM! I’M FUCKING DEPRESSED!! GERARD FUCKING COMMITTED SUICIDE!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN WANNA COME OVER TO RAY'S SO YOU CAN FUCKING MOURN FOR HIM?" He asked/screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW I can't this is just too, give me time to let this sink in, I will see you tomorrow Michael" She spoke through sobs then hung up. Mikey stood there stunned and then looked at Ray, He started to sob.
"Ray..no one fucking cares." Mikey cried out. "That is a lie" Frankie jumped up "We all care for him just a much as you do Mikey.” Frank added. “That’s why he killed himself because NO ONE CARES” Mikey shouted. "MIKEY! How dare you say that! You know and he knew that we all cared for him...except Matt. He just wanted to use him for drugs and money" Ray stated. "WHAT ABOUT THAT WHORE HE CALLS I MEAN CALLED A GIRLFRIEND" Frank added, the small man shouting on the top of his lungs. "Three to Two..and you all know his mom and dad cares. So that is five to two. Then his grandma so that is seven to two.....And then all of the wonderful fucking fans we have..." Ray said sternly trying to win the group over. "But still did any one show it? Sure saying I love you is okay but did we TRY to stop him" Mikey spat he had his head in his hands. "No, Mikey because no one knew...no one knew that the drugs and drinking would make him do this...We all thought that he knew that we LOVE him. We all will continue to love him. Dead or alive" Frank spoke voicing all his emotions.
"I still feel like I could have done something" Mikey mumbled. "Well you couldn’t have"Ray pulled Mikey into a hug, holding him tightly. "I never called 911 I should of, I could of but I'm just so fucking stupid" Mikey muttered. "Mikes. you were stunned...it is okay" Ray said and rubbed his back to calm him. "It's not okay I could have saved Gerard but he's dead and It's all my fault" Mikey cried out his inner turmoil."Mikey get a fucking hold of yourself"Frankie jumped up and turned to Mikey. "There was nothing you could do...unless you could have killed Matt and gotten away with it..then there is and nothing you can do about it." Frank yelled in his face.
"Listen we all are just upset lets calm down and watch tv or try to get some sleep" Ray suggested, always Ray the reasonable one. We all curled up on the couch together. Frankie put on the movie, "Clockwork Orange". But they were so exhausted from all the events that they fell asleep like that, clutching each other for support before the movie even ended. All of their dreams had atleast one thing to do with Gerard, some happy memories like Ray or terrifying night mares like Frank but Mikey, in Mikey's dream he saw Gerard to him it was so real, it was like Gerard came to say goodbye in his dreams. But Gerard kept telling him that he loved Mikey and that it’s not his fault even if he did call 911 they still wouldn’t have made it in time. Mikey still felt guilty but a bit better. Gerard will always be on his mind, to help.
They all walked out of the now haunting house, they all wanted Gee to be there in the morning when they came back but they all knew that won't happen. The car ride to Ray's was the most quiet ride ever experienced, Frank for once was sitting still and blankly staring out the window. There was no radio playing the Smashing pumpkins or The Smiths, and no Gerard singing along. No more of Gerard’s giggles as they joked about the most random things Mikey will always miss this, Gerard's randomness and his smile that toothy grin that can make any one melt.
The way Gerard would taunt Frank by eating the last skittle slowly as they were on a long road trip or just anytime they were driving with skittles. Frankie put his hand in his pocket and found a bag of skittles. He opened up the bag and ate some then shared with the rest of his friends, the taste turned sour in his mouth as if the skittles were only sweet when Gerard was around. At the last one he looked at it and didn’t eat it. He couldn’t, It was Gerard's.....
Life will never be the same ever, Why did it have to be Gerard? Why not Matt they could easily replace Matt. They will never go back...What about the fans? They are going to soon find out about this. There were photographers taking pictures at the house. They finally pulled up at Ray's house. It didn’t seem as welcoming. It seemed empty as if something was missing. Gerard wasn’t there jumping out of the car and running in the house to blast Morissey. There wasn't Gerard talking about this idea for another song .....simply Gerard is gone. No one could stop think about it.
"Ray can I borrow your phone I..I.....I need to tell my parents" Mikey asked, he was stuttering something he hardly ever did. "Mikey...are you sure, don’t you wanna wait till morning?" Ray looked at him tiredly. "They need to know" Mikey argued. "True...Okay, Mikey." Ray said then handed him the phone. Mikey quickly dialed the number.
"Hi Mom...yeah I know it's ...late....but...something happened to Gerard...he ...he died Mama" No response from his Mother Donna. Mikey let out a strangled cry, he couldn't grasp the words he just spoke. He dreaded knowing that this wasn't some sick twisted dream. And the one horrid thought that was trap in his mind was the possibility that he could have saved his hero. He could have called the paramedics and saved him. "But I didn't know" he kept telling himself. He couldn’t stop the thought though.
"MIKEY?" his mother voice shouted from the phone snapping him out of his daze.
"Yeah uhh what mom" He finally spoke.
"When is the funeral" She asked calmly, too calmly for a mother who just lost her first child.
"Mom aren’t you thinking a little bit ahead? Don’t you even ask me how I am doing? I am fucking dying inside here and all you care about is when you put your first born son six feet under?" Mikey shouted all his pent up rage being taken out on his mother.
"WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO THINK MICHAEL, GERARD'S DEAD I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT GIVE HIM A DESCENT BURIAL" She yelled back.
"MOM! I’M FUCKING DEPRESSED!! GERARD FUCKING COMMITTED SUICIDE!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU EVEN WANNA COME OVER TO RAY'S SO YOU CAN FUCKING MOURN FOR HIM?" He asked/screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW I can't this is just too, give me time to let this sink in, I will see you tomorrow Michael" She spoke through sobs then hung up. Mikey stood there stunned and then looked at Ray, He started to sob.
"Ray..no one fucking cares." Mikey cried out. "That is a lie" Frankie jumped up "We all care for him just a much as you do Mikey.” Frank added. “That’s why he killed himself because NO ONE CARES” Mikey shouted. "MIKEY! How dare you say that! You know and he knew that we all cared for him...except Matt. He just wanted to use him for drugs and money" Ray stated. "WHAT ABOUT THAT WHORE HE CALLS I MEAN CALLED A GIRLFRIEND" Frank added, the small man shouting on the top of his lungs. "Three to Two..and you all know his mom and dad cares. So that is five to two. Then his grandma so that is seven to two.....And then all of the wonderful fucking fans we have..." Ray said sternly trying to win the group over. "But still did any one show it? Sure saying I love you is okay but did we TRY to stop him" Mikey spat he had his head in his hands. "No, Mikey because no one knew...no one knew that the drugs and drinking would make him do this...We all thought that he knew that we LOVE him. We all will continue to love him. Dead or alive" Frank spoke voicing all his emotions.
"I still feel like I could have done something" Mikey mumbled. "Well you couldn’t have"Ray pulled Mikey into a hug, holding him tightly. "I never called 911 I should of, I could of but I'm just so fucking stupid" Mikey muttered. "Mikes. you were stunned...it is okay" Ray said and rubbed his back to calm him. "It's not okay I could have saved Gerard but he's dead and It's all my fault" Mikey cried out his inner turmoil."Mikey get a fucking hold of yourself"Frankie jumped up and turned to Mikey. "There was nothing you could do...unless you could have killed Matt and gotten away with it..then there is and nothing you can do about it." Frank yelled in his face.
"Listen we all are just upset lets calm down and watch tv or try to get some sleep" Ray suggested, always Ray the reasonable one. We all curled up on the couch together. Frankie put on the movie, "Clockwork Orange". But they were so exhausted from all the events that they fell asleep like that, clutching each other for support before the movie even ended. All of their dreams had atleast one thing to do with Gerard, some happy memories like Ray or terrifying night mares like Frank but Mikey, in Mikey's dream he saw Gerard to him it was so real, it was like Gerard came to say goodbye in his dreams. But Gerard kept telling him that he loved Mikey and that it’s not his fault even if he did call 911 they still wouldn’t have made it in time. Mikey still felt guilty but a bit better. Gerard will always be on his mind, to help.