Love Isn't Love, 'Til You Give It Away

It was a few weeks later when I was finally allowed to go home. The doctors had wanted to keep me in hospital for a while to ensure that I was mentally stable enough to be at home without constant supervision. But, with my entire family plus Alex, I was never without supervision. Joe and Alex were the worst ones, though. Alex watched over me all night, and Joe all day. Not that I really cared. I'd missed out on months of spending time with my brothers and my best friend, so I was happy that they wanted to be around me so much, even if it was because they were ensuring that I didn't do anything to hurt myself.

Slowly, the weeks turned into months, and slowly, everyone grew more lenient around me, not watching my every move. However, Alex stayed with me all night every night. And I knew it wasn't because he wanted to keep an eye on me, it was simply because he wanted to be with me. Whenever he walked through my door, I couldn’t help but smile.

About 3 months after I'd been released from hospital, I grinned at Alex as he walked through my bedroom door and sat on my bed next to me. "Hey," he smiled and pecked me on the lips.
"Hey," I said back and then jumped up and shut and locked the door. No one else was home, but I didn't want anyone to come in just in case. "I wrote you a song," I told him as I picked up my guitar.
"Really?" he asked and I smiled and nodded. I sat on the bed next to and faced him.
"Remember...when you took me to the park? When you told me to keep playing even though the band was over? When we were there, I played something without realising it and you said you liked it... Well, I've had that song in my head since I got out of hospital. And I've finished it now..." Alex frowned softly as he waited for me to start playing.

I took a deep breath and started plucking the notes. I looked up into Alex's eyes and smiled softly before I started singing.
"You, you're like driving on a Sunday
You, you're like taking off on Monday.
You, you're like a dream, a dream come true

In your eyes, when I saw them for the first time
knew that I was gonna love you for a long time
With a love so real, so right

How did it play out like a movie?
Now everytime it's beat can move me
And I can't get your smile off my mind

Cause you might think that I'm a fool
For falling over you.
And tell me what can I do to prove to you that it's not so hard to do?

Give love a try one more time.
Cause you know that I'm on your side.
Give love a try one more time.

One more time

Yeah
Oh"

As I finished playing, I lifted my eyes back up to meet Alex's and saw he was smiling softly. "That was beautiful, Nick," he whispered and I smiled.
"You really liked it?" I asked hesitantly.
"Of course! It was amazing," he said and I grinned. I stood up and put my guitar back on the stand. I then turned back to Alex and I felt butterflies spring to life in my stomach. Now came the reason why I locked the door. "Nick?" Alex asked. I looked at him and smiled softly before crossing the room and standing in front of him. "N-Nick?" Alex asked again, his voice softer and more hesitant. I slowly straddled Alex's legs and sat on his lap as I brought our lips together.
"Alex," I whispered against his lips as I pulled away slightly. "I love you." I felt Alex's hands resting on my hips and I moved my lips to his neck and covered his skin in hot, open-mouthed kisses.
"I...I love you, too," he whispered back. "Nick...what...what are you doing?" I pulled back and looked up into his eyes. I bit my lip and then lowered my eyes to my hands. I didn't hesitate before slipping my purity ring off and placing it on my bedside table. "Nick!?" Alex gasped and I turned back to him.
"I want this, Alex," I whispered. "I want you, so much."
"I...I..." Alex stammered but couldn’t get anything out.
"Tell me you don’t want this, and I'll stop," I whispered, praying that he wouldn’t tell me to stop.
"Wh-What about...your promise?" he whispered and I could hear the struggle in his voice. I smiled as I pressed my lips back to his skin.
"I promised not to have sex before I was married..." I said slowly. "What's the difference between us doing it now or in a few years?" Alex gasped and pushed me back slightly so he could look into my eyes.
"Nick..." he whispered and I gazed back into his eyes. "Do...Do you mean that?"
"I've never meant anything more," I said sincerely. I let him gaze into my eyes, reading how much I meant it. I saw tears gather in Alex's eyes and I panicked, thinking I'd done something wrong. "Alex, I-I'm sorry. I didn't-" Alex cut me off by pressing his lips onto mine.
"I love you, Nick, so much," he whispered as he pulled away. I looked into his eyes and smiled softly.
"You...You want this, too?" I asked hesitantly. Alex smiled and kissed me again.
"Of course I do," he said and my heart skipped a beat. "As long as you're sure."
"I am sure," I whispered and Alex immediately reattached our lips and kissed me, more deeply and more passionately than ever before. I knotted my hands in his soft hair and held him to me tightly.

Alex fell back onto the bed and I lay over him, my knees either side of his hips. I felt Alex's hands move from my hips, up under my shirt and brush teasingly over my skin. I shivered slightly and broke the kiss and leant my forehead against Alex's.
"You okay?" Alex asked and I nodded.
"I-I nervous," I admitted quietly and Alex smiled.
"Me, too," he said and I smiled. I felt better knowing he was nervous as well. "We can stop at any time," he told me. I looked down into his eyes and felt love wash through me. I smiled at him and then resealed our lips in a passionate kiss.
"Don't wanna stop..." I muttered in between kisses. Without me even noticing it, our shirts were suddenly gone and our bare chests were touching. I pressed my hips down onto Alex's and he moaned into my mouth. I grinned and continued to grind down onto him.
"Nick," he whispered, breaking away. "H-How...How do you want to do this?" I sat up on his hips and gazed down at him.
"I...I want..." I said softly and then trailed off, blushing. Alex raised his hand and cupped my cheek.
"What do you want, baby?" he whispered.
"I...want to feel you...inside me," I whispered as I looked down into Alex's eyes.
"Anything you want, Nicky," he whispered back and rolled us over so he was lying over me. "Like this?" he whispered and I nodded as I stared back up at him. He then closed the gap between us and kissed me again. My eyes slid shut as I kissed back, my body straining to get as close as possible to Alex. I felt Alex push my jeans off, my boxers at the same time, and I gasped as I felt his hands on me. I then hurried to remove Alex's jeans and boxers so I could feel him properly. When my hand closed around his cock he moaned low into my ear. "God, Nick..." he whispered and a shiver ran down my spine.
"A-Alex," I whispered. "Please..." Alex lifted his head and looked down at me. He then pressed his lips against mine before quickly pulling away.
"We...we need-"
"Top draw of my night stand," I said and Alex looked shocked but then he smirked.
"You've been planning this?" he asked as he moved to get the lube. I just blushed and shrugged. "I'm glad," he said and I smiled. He then moved back over me, holding the lube in one hand. I watched as he coated one finger in the lube and then moved towards my entrance. I felt my heart speed up with nerves. Alex looked up into my eyes and I felt myself calming slightly. Alex then pushed his finger into me and I gasped and gripped onto his shoulders. I didn't hurt so much, just felt really weird. However, Alex soon added another finger and it started to hurt slightly. "Breathe baby," Alex whispered as he gazed down at me, and I realised I was holding my breath, waiting for the pain to pass. I took a few deep breaths and found the pain dissipating.
"Ok," I whispered. "I'm okay." Alex then started moving his fingers slowly, in and out of me. I gasped, closing my eyes, trying to breathe through the pain. I knew that once I had Alex inside me properly, it would hurt more than just his fingers. "Alex, I need...please..." I whispered, trying to let him know what I meant. But he knew. He pulled out of me gently.
"It might hurt less if you're on your hands and knees," he said, softly brushing my hair out of my face. I just shook my head.
"I want to see you," I whispered and Alex smiled. He moved up slowly, so his body was hovering over mine, and pressed his lips to mine in a tender kiss.
"Are you sure?" he whispered. I could feel his cock pressing at my entrance and all I could think of was having him inside me.
"Yes!" I gasped and he slowly pushed forward. I gasped as tears pricked behind my eyelids. I felt Alex pressing kisses all over my face and neck, trying to distract me from the pain. I focused on him completely, trying desperately to ignore the pain. Alex continued moving, slowly, until he was completely inside me. I could hardly catch my breath. I finally sucked in a deep breath and felt the pain slowly ebb into a dull ache. "Alex, move," I whispered, pressing my body up to his. Alex pulled back slowly and then pushed back into me and I gasped at the pleasure that flowed through my body. He repeated the action slowly for a few moments, and then gradually sped up. After a few minutes, Alex hit a spot inside me, which caused me to cry out with pleasure. "Alex!" I cried, gripping him tighter. Alex just moaned and sped up even more. He took hold of my cock and started moving his hand in time to his thrusts. "Oh, God," I whispered. I looked up and met Alex's gaze and couldn’t look away. Not seconds later, I felt Alex hit my prostate hard, and I couldn’t help but come. I threw my head back and arched my body into Alex's. Alex lowered his head and kissed and sucked on my skin and then I felt him coming inside me. He continued moving his hand on me, drawing out my orgasm as long as possible, as he kept rocking on top of me, drawing his out as well.

When it was over, Alex collapsed next to me on the bed, and immediately pulled me to his side tightly. "I love you," he whispered into my ear and I smiled sleepily.
"I love you, too," I whispered back. He took my hand, raised it to his lips, and then kissed the white scar on my skin. I looked up into his eyes and felt my heart melt.
"I'm never letting you go," he whispered. "Never again." I smiled softly and hugged into his side tighter and breathed a content sigh.

Now everything was as it should be. Everything was back to normal with my family. And I had Alex now. Not only was he my best friend, but he was my boyfriend too. We had all moved on from all the hideous events of the last few months and Alex and I had never been closer. I didn't know what our future held, what problems we may face, but I knew we'd be together. And that was all I wanted, all I needed.