Status: Active, Yo
I Won't Lie to You
Any Day Now, It Has To End Before We Begin
I honestly didn’t expect it to happen. Thinking and doing are two different things. Yeah, I’ve thought about it, but I never thought I’d actually have the guts to do it…
“Well, well, don’t we look a little pissed off?” Mina teased from my doorway. I rubbed my eyes before sighing.
“Mina, I know it was you who told Cody it was a good idea to go after Nicolas,” I nearly growled.
She gave me a look like, ‘oh, so that’s what this is about’ along with a sympathetic half-smile. “Well, yeah, he said he’d never had a girlfriend…”
Oh great… her fangirl tendencies were getting the better of her. Which meant that she had judged Nicolas to be gay just because he’d never had a girlfriend. I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, but he never said he’d had a boyfriend either,” I said, trying to set her straight. I cracked my neck and Mina winced at the sound. “Now the little shit won’t leave him alone.”
I caught a movement from Nicolas’s bed. Great, he was awake. I sighed.
She grinned and gave a mischievous chuckle. “Jealous little Z?”
Trust me, I wouldn’t be caught dead being jealous of that kid. Nicolas hates him and I would not want that. So I suppose that it was because Cody was getting too close to Nicolas (against his will, of course.)
So I told Mina how I’d probably end up murdering Cody if she didn’t do something about him.
And then she agreed to talk to him. As if talking to the kid would make him stop. Yeah, right. Then she looked to Nicolas’s ‘sleeping’ figure and said, “You gonna let Nicolas sleep, or should we wake him up?”
All things considering, it’d look kinda bad if we ‘woke’ him up considering he had never been sleeping in the first place. So I decided on saying, “Just let him sleep.”
But then I realized that wasn’t a bitchy enough answer so I tacked on, “Because we both know that when he wakes up, he’ll just be on those damn games.”
My twin chuckled before nodding and leaving the room, letting the door fall shut behind her. I sighed before calling out, “Get up. I know you’re awake.”
Slowly, he rose from his mattress, sitting up slowly.
“How much did you hear?” I wasn’t sure at what point he had woken up. I forced myself to ask it without getting angry. Oh, how I longed for him to think that I wasn’t the angry teenager he’d come to know. I wanted to show I was nice, too. That was all I wanted.
“Just when you accused Mina of giving Cody the okay to basically attack me,” he told me. I had no reason to not believe what he said.
I stood up and stretched outward. “So since the beginning then,” I said, trying to keep the resonant anger out of my voice. It worked, but it kept other emotions out of it.
I looked at me, questioningly. I knew what he was going to ask before he even asked it though. “Did she really-”
“Yeah,” I cut him off. “But don’t blame her. She just wants you to be happy.”
I pulled off my t-shirt. It was a little strange to undress in front of Nicolas because, well, I did like him a bit and… well, I supposed it didn’t matter because we were both guys anyways.
“So… are you doing this because you hate Cody… or because it’s me he’s messing with?” He asked, seeming to have a little bit of a problem finding the right words. Or maybe he was a little scared to ask.
I didn’t want him to think I was a freak so I said, “Of course it’s because I hate the kid. Remember, I hate kids like that.”
His face changed. He looked angry. Perhaps I should’ve said it was because of him. However, it shouldn’t have made me even a little happy that he was angry. But it did. It felt like he wanted me to do it for him.
“Tch. Of course,” he growled.
“Wait. Nicolas… I just meant that…,” I tried. But I couldn’t get myself to admit that it was really for him. So I said the most I could. And that hopefully that would make things okay again. “Okay, fine, so it might have been a tiny itsy-bitsy, miniscule, microscopic bit just for you. But that’s all. Just a little bit.”
I felt bad that that was all I said. But I didn’t want him to know how much I cared about him. Not yet anyways. It would be weird.
But, of course, I had to ruin everything. “Now make me one of those drinks,” I demanded. I felt bad about that, but it was like I couldn’t stop myself. But I tried to smile at him, maybe turn it into a joke or a half-hearted attempt at kidding around with him. But it probably looked smug. “Or you can tell me I’m special.”
I wanted the second one a lot more. But Nicolas just stuttered before saying he’d just make the drink.
I didn’t really care about the drink so I called out to him to see if I could make him forget about it.
“Wait, one of Mina’s friends is having a party-” Nicolas looked a bit suspicious. It was probably because of the conversation Mina and I had that he’d eavesdropped in that he thought Cody was the one having a party. “It’s not that fucking Cody kid. But anyways, she wants you to go.”
Nicolas was standing up by now. “He really won’t be there?”
“No,” I shook my head, keeping my voice firm. “I’m going too, if it makes you feel any safer. The little shit knows I hate him.”
“So, what, are you my bodyguard now?”
“If it comes to that, yeah.”
“Why?” He seemed so very hesitant about asking that. Was he scared of the answer? Was he afraid I’d say it was for some selfish reason?
I decided to try to answer it as honestly as I could. “I don’t know. It’s probably because your so small that it makes me wanna protect you.” I nearly bit my lip. That sounded stupid, so I tacked on, “Or some crazy shit like that. God, I really want a cigarette right now.”
“I’m sure you do,” he sighed.
Whatever I had said must have riled me up because the next moment, all I could think was that I didn’t want to let him just go. I wanted more. I wanted to apologize for everything. How could I possibly do that, though? The damage felt irreparable. But, either way, I grabbed his arm and whirled him around. It was like I wasn’t even in control of my body anymore. It scared me, and excited me. Because I leaned it to taste the lips that I’ve wanted to taste for awhile now.
They were soft and moist but also tasted of some kind of illusion, like it was a dream that we were doing this. That he let me. I probably caught him off guard, though. I wanted to kiss him more, but I couldn’t, even I knew that. So I pulled away, feeling a little dazed, even.
“I think… that’s even better than smoking,” I whispered, not even realizing that I’d said that out loud.
Then I looked to Nicolas to witness the aftershock. He looked shocked, just… shocked. His eyes opened wide like he’s been punched. I nearly cringed at that. I didn’t mean to make him feel like that. He stumbled backwards onto his bed and just sat, there in disbelief.
That only thing I really managed to say was, “Every time I want a smoke, let me kiss you.”
I felt so very selfish for saying that. But I felt that I needed to. I wanted this to continue. This… whatever it is. I couldn’t just let him leave, I didn’t want him to alienate me after that.
I wanted to keep him as close as possible.
“Well, well, don’t we look a little pissed off?” Mina teased from my doorway. I rubbed my eyes before sighing.
“Mina, I know it was you who told Cody it was a good idea to go after Nicolas,” I nearly growled.
She gave me a look like, ‘oh, so that’s what this is about’ along with a sympathetic half-smile. “Well, yeah, he said he’d never had a girlfriend…”
Oh great… her fangirl tendencies were getting the better of her. Which meant that she had judged Nicolas to be gay just because he’d never had a girlfriend. I rolled my eyes.
“Yeah, but he never said he’d had a boyfriend either,” I said, trying to set her straight. I cracked my neck and Mina winced at the sound. “Now the little shit won’t leave him alone.”
I caught a movement from Nicolas’s bed. Great, he was awake. I sighed.
She grinned and gave a mischievous chuckle. “Jealous little Z?”
Trust me, I wouldn’t be caught dead being jealous of that kid. Nicolas hates him and I would not want that. So I suppose that it was because Cody was getting too close to Nicolas (against his will, of course.)
So I told Mina how I’d probably end up murdering Cody if she didn’t do something about him.
And then she agreed to talk to him. As if talking to the kid would make him stop. Yeah, right. Then she looked to Nicolas’s ‘sleeping’ figure and said, “You gonna let Nicolas sleep, or should we wake him up?”
All things considering, it’d look kinda bad if we ‘woke’ him up considering he had never been sleeping in the first place. So I decided on saying, “Just let him sleep.”
But then I realized that wasn’t a bitchy enough answer so I tacked on, “Because we both know that when he wakes up, he’ll just be on those damn games.”
My twin chuckled before nodding and leaving the room, letting the door fall shut behind her. I sighed before calling out, “Get up. I know you’re awake.”
Slowly, he rose from his mattress, sitting up slowly.
“How much did you hear?” I wasn’t sure at what point he had woken up. I forced myself to ask it without getting angry. Oh, how I longed for him to think that I wasn’t the angry teenager he’d come to know. I wanted to show I was nice, too. That was all I wanted.
“Just when you accused Mina of giving Cody the okay to basically attack me,” he told me. I had no reason to not believe what he said.
I stood up and stretched outward. “So since the beginning then,” I said, trying to keep the resonant anger out of my voice. It worked, but it kept other emotions out of it.
I looked at me, questioningly. I knew what he was going to ask before he even asked it though. “Did she really-”
“Yeah,” I cut him off. “But don’t blame her. She just wants you to be happy.”
I pulled off my t-shirt. It was a little strange to undress in front of Nicolas because, well, I did like him a bit and… well, I supposed it didn’t matter because we were both guys anyways.
“So… are you doing this because you hate Cody… or because it’s me he’s messing with?” He asked, seeming to have a little bit of a problem finding the right words. Or maybe he was a little scared to ask.
I didn’t want him to think I was a freak so I said, “Of course it’s because I hate the kid. Remember, I hate kids like that.”
His face changed. He looked angry. Perhaps I should’ve said it was because of him. However, it shouldn’t have made me even a little happy that he was angry. But it did. It felt like he wanted me to do it for him.
“Tch. Of course,” he growled.
“Wait. Nicolas… I just meant that…,” I tried. But I couldn’t get myself to admit that it was really for him. So I said the most I could. And that hopefully that would make things okay again. “Okay, fine, so it might have been a tiny itsy-bitsy, miniscule, microscopic bit just for you. But that’s all. Just a little bit.”
I felt bad that that was all I said. But I didn’t want him to know how much I cared about him. Not yet anyways. It would be weird.
But, of course, I had to ruin everything. “Now make me one of those drinks,” I demanded. I felt bad about that, but it was like I couldn’t stop myself. But I tried to smile at him, maybe turn it into a joke or a half-hearted attempt at kidding around with him. But it probably looked smug. “Or you can tell me I’m special.”
I wanted the second one a lot more. But Nicolas just stuttered before saying he’d just make the drink.
I didn’t really care about the drink so I called out to him to see if I could make him forget about it.
“Wait, one of Mina’s friends is having a party-” Nicolas looked a bit suspicious. It was probably because of the conversation Mina and I had that he’d eavesdropped in that he thought Cody was the one having a party. “It’s not that fucking Cody kid. But anyways, she wants you to go.”
Nicolas was standing up by now. “He really won’t be there?”
“No,” I shook my head, keeping my voice firm. “I’m going too, if it makes you feel any safer. The little shit knows I hate him.”
“So, what, are you my bodyguard now?”
“If it comes to that, yeah.”
“Why?” He seemed so very hesitant about asking that. Was he scared of the answer? Was he afraid I’d say it was for some selfish reason?
I decided to try to answer it as honestly as I could. “I don’t know. It’s probably because your so small that it makes me wanna protect you.” I nearly bit my lip. That sounded stupid, so I tacked on, “Or some crazy shit like that. God, I really want a cigarette right now.”
“I’m sure you do,” he sighed.
Whatever I had said must have riled me up because the next moment, all I could think was that I didn’t want to let him just go. I wanted more. I wanted to apologize for everything. How could I possibly do that, though? The damage felt irreparable. But, either way, I grabbed his arm and whirled him around. It was like I wasn’t even in control of my body anymore. It scared me, and excited me. Because I leaned it to taste the lips that I’ve wanted to taste for awhile now.
They were soft and moist but also tasted of some kind of illusion, like it was a dream that we were doing this. That he let me. I probably caught him off guard, though. I wanted to kiss him more, but I couldn’t, even I knew that. So I pulled away, feeling a little dazed, even.
“I think… that’s even better than smoking,” I whispered, not even realizing that I’d said that out loud.
Then I looked to Nicolas to witness the aftershock. He looked shocked, just… shocked. His eyes opened wide like he’s been punched. I nearly cringed at that. I didn’t mean to make him feel like that. He stumbled backwards onto his bed and just sat, there in disbelief.
That only thing I really managed to say was, “Every time I want a smoke, let me kiss you.”
I felt so very selfish for saying that. But I felt that I needed to. I wanted this to continue. This… whatever it is. I couldn’t just let him leave, I didn’t want him to alienate me after that.
I wanted to keep him as close as possible.
♠ ♠ ♠
Yes, I really did just update!I promise!
I feel soooo bad for neglecting my old stories, really!
I'll try to update this one a bit more along with All We Speak Are Lies and try to finish Egotist.
Thank you guys and all your support and comments and subscriptions!
You guys are really awesome. :)