Is It So Wrong

Is it wrong to like someone you cant have?
Because your not the one they want.

Is it wrong to be a little bitter?
Because when they come around you feel it, and they can feel it too.

Is it wrong to dream about them while laying alone in bed at night?
Because you can never seem to get them your mind.

Is it wrong to still carry a little hope down deep inside your heart?
Because maybe one day they’ll come around.

Maybe one day, they’ll realize that you’re the best choice for them.
Then they’ll come crawling back to you, because they were wrong, because you still carry that hope around inside, it could happen.

It is really wrong when they know that your practically in love with them.
You’ve practically explained it for them, and they still don’t want things like you do.

For starters my name is Lore. I am in love with a guy who doesn’t love me back. Sounds cliché and yes, in a way it sort of is.

Because yes, we did kiss, and he did have a girlfriend, sort of. I would have never thought he would be the kind of boy to do something like this.

To use someone.

Just to get back at his girlfriend. He walks around like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. Because now that his girlfriend took him back, now I’m simply not on his level of ignorance.

I guess what really bothers me, is that he did use me, in a sense. I am not one to be taken advantage of. No one should be taken advantage of, especially when your jealously gets the best of you and you need to stab someone in the heart just to make yourself feel better.

Even though I am hurt, I cant help but still love him. He’s still the same guy I fell in love with, in a way at least. He’s still a nerd, which is why I fell for him first. He got me to try the rubix cube. There’s so much more to him than his nerdy-ness though.

He’s a complete sweetheart.

He was always there to talk to when I had an issue. Mainly I talked about how can you get a guys attention without dressing like some party girl. His advice: A: tell the guy you like him or B: use your personality. He agreed more with the second one, because he claims that he was always too shy just to go up to someone and tell them you like them. He was always good at giving advice or just we could just talk about anything. At time I had asked him for advice, he was temporally broken up with his girlfriend.

That night we drank a little too much.

It was his band, along with Panic At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, all those typical bands were there, just hanging out at Angels and Kings. Nothing like that had happened between us. You know the deal, a drunk mans words are an honest mans thoughts. Well, in this case girl, because I had a little too much, (that happens when you drink around Gabe Saporta), soon I opened my mouth about William. How he will never, even if hell froze over would understand how much I care about him. Gabe told me just to go for it. So I did.

That was the dumbest thing I had ever done in my life.

He was the moron who kissed me back! He had control of over what he was doing and his emotions. I didn’t. Because I had to take Gabe up on that who could do more shots bet.

He could have said something, done something. All he did was kiss me back. He didn’t bother to stop me or say anything to me. If Pete didn’t interrupt us, it would have led to more.

In a way I’m thankful Pete showed up. Because if that would have led to more than just a kiss, I wouldn’t have the guts to look at him.

“Lore, you okay?” asked Ryan. Since that night I had been avoiding the prick, so hanging out with Panic was my only option.

“Yeah. Just day dreaming,” I replied with a light semi fake smile.

“About William?” he questioned, peeling his eyes away from the television to look at me on the other side of the couch.

“Yes, Ryan about William Beckett and before you ask I do not, I repeat do not want to talk about it.” I gave him a light glare before standing up and walking away.

“You cant avoid him forever!” Ryan shouted after me.

I waved him off, going back to my room in their California home. I logged onto my computer to check out my blog and email, all the normal computer things.

I checked Williams blog, just out of habit.

“I wanna see you tonight at a place we’ve gone
(Going through the motions leads to real emotions)
I wanna make things right before time runs out” - Jimmy Eat world says it all.

In a way I understood what he was saying. I was feeling what his blog was saying. In a way it didn’t make much sense. Because he shouldn’t be feeling anything.

I was the one who kissed him, it was a mistake. Everything in his world should be okay now.

I’m the one who still feels like, well pain and confusion.

Because I should be feeling this way. I made a complete fool out of myself in front of the guy I’m in love with. Now, not only is our friendship destroyed, but we can never have any kind of relationship ever again.

“Hey Lore!” yelled Brendon walking inside my temporary room, with a grin in his face, as always. There was no reason for the yelling, well except that Brendon was . . . well. . . Brendon.

“Hey Bren,” I gave a light smile. Brendon took a seat on my bed and patted the space to him for me to sit down on. I did.

“Still beating yourself up over this?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” he asked, “Everyone knows that it’s his fault. He didn’t say anything and it’s not like he tried to push you away. It’s his loss.”

I swear to God sometimes Brendon can be a girl. Only because he understands my issues more than anyone else, besides William of course.

“I was drunk. I should have never listened to Gabe. I should have just moved on or better yet never loved him first.”

“Aw come on Lore, don’t say that. Come on, let’s got to dinner! I’ll go call everyone, so go get ready, put on a dress or something were going to a fancy place.” With that, Brendon jumped up and bolted out the door with that Brendon grin on his face. I shook my head and walked over to my closet.

I kept moving hangers over to find something decent to wear out tonight, though I wasn’t to thrilled about it.

I’d rather sit inside my room, reading a good book, chilling to my ipod, or just going online. All of this while sitting in comfy pajamas and a cup of tea sitting next to me.

No. That couldn’t just happen. I had to go hang out or whatever with Panic and a couple other bands and I bet The Academy Is. . . Is was one of those bands.

I decided to pick out a simple little black dress to wear. It wasn’t much. It went straight across my upper chest so nothing was showing and went down to right above my knee’s. Like I said: nothing too showy.

“Lore!” shouted Brendon knocking on the door. I love Brendon like a friend, but seriously when is his girlfriend coming back to visit? He’s driving me insane.

“Come in,” I replied, putting on my flats.

“Whoa, Lore, you look great.”

“Thanks Brendon. You look good too,” I smiled at Brendon. He was wearing dark blue skinny jeans, a white button up shirt with his tan jacket over it. It looks like he attempted to make it his hair look good, and he took his glasses off, replacing them with contacts.

“Thank you.” He did a weird model pose, that only he would do, before grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him to meet the rest of the guys at the door.

“You all look handsome,” I commented. They did really. Brendon was right when he said this was a little dressy dinner.

They all said thank you and returned a comment to me, before we walked outside to the car.

“Whose driving?” asked Jon.

“I will!” exclaimed Brendon getting ready to walk over to the driver side before Ryan stopped it.

“How about Spencer or me drives?”

“You have something against my driving Ross?” questioned Brendon with a smirk. Brendon always drove crazier than the rest normally they don’t let him drive.

“Yes,”

“Fine, I’ll sit in back with my buddy Lore.”

Spencer ended up driving. Ryan was in the passenger seat while I was between Brendon and Jon in the back.

“So whose all going to be here?” I asked once Spencer pulled into the parking lot of a semi fancy restaurant.

“Oh you know,” said Brendon with a shrug of his shoulders, “people.”

“Should I be worried?” I questioned. He shook his head ‘no’ for an answer, without meeting me in the eyes.

After we all piled out of the car we walked inside, going straight to the back of the restaurant. Pete was there with Ashlee. Cobra Starship was there along with Hey Monday and The Academy Is. . . Great. That means he’s here.

“Brendon--” I started, before I could finish he cut me off.

“It will be fine Lore, you can sit by me.”

I took a few deep breaths sitting in my seat. Of course he noticed me. His eyes were locked to me the entire time, since we walked into the back room where our table was. Now they still won’t stay off me.

I kept uncomfortably kept fidgeting in my seat.

Now everyone was ordered and Brendon was talking to Vicky who was next to him. Gabe was sitting across from me.

“Hey,” he smiled.

“Hi,” icily I replied.

“Whoa. What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

I quickly glanced at William, who of course was looking over here, before turning back to Gabe.

“You got me into this mess.” I said sharply.

“What mess?” asked Gabe.

I didn’t answer him.

“Lore?” asked Gabe. William was curiously looking over here even more. Which is not what I wanted.

“Never mind,” I shook my head, “we'll talk later.”

Gabe looked at me in a way I couldn’t explain. He was confused, he wanted to say something but listened to what I told him and just didn’t speak.

By the time our food came Brendon had completely ditched me to talk to everyone else, while I sat here and tried to avoid William’s eyes on me. I avoided his eyes as much but it was no use. The only time he looked away was when I looked back at him, so he knew he was busted and looked away.

Except for the last time. I caught him for the tenth time tonight, I shyly glanced in his direction, he was supposed to look away; he didn’t. William’s eyes stayed locked with mine. Then I could finally see what was going through his head.

What exactly he meant by the blog. He felt guilty. William was guilty for letting me kiss him, and now he felt some sort of pain for it. Because he didn’t do anything to stop me. As if he maybe . . . No, William couldn’t have enjoyed that kiss. First off I had too much to drink, second, he doesn’t like me that way.

That doesn’t change the awkwardness of it all.

We all paid and left to go, well I wasn’t sure where I was just following everyone else. Most of the group was walking in front of me as I strayed behind, just caught up in my own thoughts of the situation I was in. I felt eyes on my back the entire walk to the car. It was making me fidget even more than I was at dinner.

I was so caught up in everything I didn’t see the crack in the parking lot road, of course I tripped and skidded my knee against the rock cement. I gasped before looking at my knee. I was slightly embarrassed, especially when William was instantly by my side.

“You okay?” quietly he asked me.

I was biting my bottom lip while shacking my head yes for an answer.

“Come on,” he said helping me back on my feet, “let's go clean you up.”

He announced that to Sisky who was also informed to tell Panic that I was with Will and he would drop me back off with them, once I was cleaned up.

“You don’t have to do all this,” I whispered as he helped me walk back inside the restaurant. I didn’t realize how bad I really did fall. There was a gash in my right knee, surely there would be a scar, my left knee was lightly skinned, while my hands went so hard against the cement they were burning and bleeding a little.

“It’s no problem,” he replies, his eyes not meeting mine the entire time. Walking back inside a few employees gave us suspicious glances but didn’t bother to ask any questions as we made our way to the bathrooms.

“Uh Will maybe I should--”

“Nonsense.” With that he opened the woman’s bathroom door before walking inside with me at his side.

I leaned against the counter as he fetched a paper towel and getting some water on it. While his back was turned the door opened and a woman gasped before shutting it and walking away. In a way it was amusing, and eased the tension in the bathroom.

Without speaking William bent down lifting up my dress a little just to get to my knee and wipe the blood off. I gasped, biting my lip from the sting.

“You okay?” asked William hurriedly looking up at me.

“It burns.”

“I know. Sorry, it should go away soon.”

“Thanks William. It means a lot, even though the situation in the girls bathroom is awkward,” I said with a small smile, attempting to make the best of the situation.

He only smiled that William Beckett smile that was another part of the reason I fell for him first.

As he was wiping away some of the blood from my hands he suddenly stopped.

“Lore, I have to be honest with you,” he said, looking me directly in the eyes. I melted inside.

“O-okay,” I stuttered out. My hand was still in his hands, I could feel the butterflies swarming around like mad men in my stomach.

“I broke up with Bailey. This is hard for me to say but I need to make things between us right. When you kissed me, I froze and just kissed you back. I been dreaming about for so long, then, then it happened. That’s why I was fighting with her first,”

“Will--” I started.

“No, just please listen. She said that there was nothing between her and I anymore, because all I did was talk about you or day dream or talk to you. She was becoming jealous and I guess I never really thought about why you were always on my mind. I’m so sorry I sort of rejected you that way. I didn’t mean it.” He stopped talking then, his fingers dancing along the skin of mine.

“Now are you done?” I questioned.

“Yes,” William laughed a little before nervously taking a hand away from mine and scratching the back of his neck.

“I still feel bad about kissing you. Never again will I drink to much and listen to Gabe.” I shook my head as I spoke, a light smile on my face.

“So were okay now?” cautiously he asked.

“Yeah,” I smiled, granted this wasn’t the ending I was hoping for, the friendship between us was together again back to normal. Thank God because only talking to Brendon, I was starting to go insane.

Finally walking out of the bathroom Jimmy Eat World “Carry You” was on.

“I pace around the room to spend the time
Waiting while the burning pictures fade
One thing to make you mine
And another to say it’s me”

“Hey Lore?” asked William stopping and turning to me as we were now outside, though we could still hear the music.

“Yeah?” I asked turning to him.

William placed his hand around me neck gently before slowly moving towards me, his lips lightly pressed against mine. Firework exploded inside my mind and those butterflies were released as our lips moved together. This was how our first kiss together was supposed to be.

I guess it wasn’t so wrong to still carry a little hope down deep inside my heart, because that one day of when they come around and love you back finally came.