Save Tonight

She didn’t care. I guess that was pretty much my fault, but did she have to make that so blatantly apparent? I felt badly enough about the way things went down already; she didn’t need to add insult to injury and make it worse. I shouldn’t have even been upset because it technically wasn’t my fault. I still felt guilty though. I wanted to ask her how things were going, but I knew that I couldn’t.

My Nana had always loved me and knew that the fame my parents brought to me would never go to my head. She had taught me to be grounded and sane, even in the worst situations so she knew I was strong. I took after her.

The first thing she did when she saw me walk through the kitchen door into her cute little house was hug Emery. That’s right. She decided my boyfriend was more important than I was at the moment. But that was okay because I knew that if she hugged him, she would love him as long as he made me happy. There were so many significant others that came and went that Nana became a pretty good judge. We always knew that if there was a hug involved at the first meeting we were golden. That was her seal of approval.

The fact that she hugged him without even introducing herself or asking a single question meant that she really thought he was perfect. That was so reassuring. Hayden had to wait an entire two days before he could get a hug from her.

Once she was done squeezing him to death (another good sign-it was a good hug) she came to me and wrapped me in her strong embrace. She whispered soothing words in my ear, knowing that was always a way to calm me down. There was never a time when I was scared or frustrated or hurt when she wouldn’t whisper little encouragements in my ear and everything would just seem better. But that’s what grandmas did; they knew exactly what to do to make their grandchildren smile. It was such a beautiful thing.

That day was better than expected to be honest. Frankie’s parents didn’t show up, but none of us really thought they would, even though we all hoped (for Frankie’s sake) that they would come to their senses. Aunt Jenny came with Anthony and Haley but Uncle Jimmy did not accompany them. She said that he was out of town for an extended business trip but we all knew that was a cover for the little kids, Hayley especially. She was absolutely devastated to see her parents fighting.

As was to be expected though, all of my teenage cousins congregated in a big mass of humanity around me and Emery waiting for the interrogations to begin. The questions actually started off rather simply and I was hoping (in vain of course) that they would take it easy on him. There was no such luck in that however because the questions soon became very personal and intrusive. I told Emery that he did not have to answer them if he felt uncomfortable, but he remained relaxed and answered everything with honest eyes and a smile on his face.

Though my cousins were never really going to approve of the guys I bring into my life, they actually seemed to like him. By the end of the interrogation, they were all laughing together and joking around as if Emery was merely another part of the family. That just completely warmed my heart to know they were willing to let him inside our circle of family.

“You know NyNy,” my cousin Mark commented, “we would prefer you stay single your entire life and never let a guy play with your heart and it’s because we love you. But, as far as guys you could bring home go, Emery isn’t half bad. We’re willing to let him go home uninjured.”

Even though that sounds rather morbid and mean-spirited, I knew that they were being completely sincere in that statement so I squealed (yes actually squealed) and hugged each and every one of those boys. Including Emery because he did so well and he was basically perfect. Well, not basically, pretty much the epitome of perfect.

My grandmother actually waited for the interrogations to be over before we could all begin the Easter egg hunt. Yes, everyone ages twenty and under still participated in the annual Easter egg scavenger hunt. I just loved my family. Depending on age, each cousin had a specific list of things to find, ranging from plastic eggs filled with money and candy to shirts and purses. We always had a lot of fun with it. And we made sure there was extra so that Emery could also partake in the family festivities.

And in case finding everything wasn’t incentive enough, the one that found everything on his or her list first got a bonus prize. This particular year it was a huge chocolate bar in the shape of a pig. Yeah, in the shape of a pig on Easter. I never said my family was conventional, or even sane for that matter.

It was always a mad dash to get everything found because everyone wanted to win, even if not to get the bonus prize, but to have bragging rights. But of course, we were all winners in our Nana’s eyes, though that was not really surprising. She was a grandmother-it’s kind of in the job description.

Emery ended up winning. Of all people, Emery was able to find everything on his list when the rest of us knew all her hiding places inside and out. I was so happy he won though because it showed that he didn’t think my family was totally insane and if he did, he was perfectly okay with it. If he wasn’t, he would have told me that it was a stupid tradition and that he didn’t want to look for Easter presents. He didn’t though, and he actually looked like he was having a good time. You have no idea how awesome I felt when I saw everyone congratulate him on his ‘big win.’

While we were all sitting around the living room eating lots of food and candy, Nana took me into the kitchen so that we could have a little heart to heart. She told me that she thought Emery was perfect for me, that she believed he was so much better that Hayden.

“You know dear, I liked Hayden well enough, but he was just not the right person for you,” she informed with that warm, soothing voice of hers. “He was much too infatuated with you, always needing to be by your side or he looked like a lost puppy. Someone like that is not good for you.”

“So infatuation is a bad thing now?” I wondered in confusion. I wasn’t sure what the difference between love and infatuation was, but I knew I would soon get that lesson from her.

“Sweetie, infatuation is not love at all. It may seem like it at first, but infatuation is not lasting and will never make for a good relationship. It’s too dependent and takes a piece of your freedom. That’s not good for you; you need your space, especially with your life the way it is. Emery is willing to give that to you, Hayden was not.”

“Hmm, I never thought of it that way to be honest. I always thought what we had was love-that I was totally in love with him. Maybe be was just infatuation; it would make sense.”

“I saw it Ny, it was only infatuation, but you needed to learn that on your own. Emery, on the other hand, wants to show you real love. He’s been patient with you while you try to figure things out, but he wants to love you Onyx, he really does.”

I stared at my grandmother for a while, unable to understand how she could possibly have so much wisdom. She was amazing and I was so glad that she was there to help me through everything.

“Nana, how on earth do you know that?”

“It’s in his eyes baby girl; all you have to do is look. He stares at you as if you were the most important and special thing he has ever seen in his life and he wants to protect you. With Hayden, it was more possessive than cherished. Emery though, I look in his eyes and I can see that he is in awe of you and thinks every minute that he doesn’t deserve you.”

“And the only one who does is the one who thinks he doesn’t,” I murmured softly. “But how do I know when I’m ready to love him Nana? I’m scared to love him.”

“That’s because you have been hurt so much in the past baby girl. I think you need to look inside yourself and pray- reflect on what you have with Emery and what your relationships in the past have been like. When you’re ready to love, you’ll know it.”

I hugged her tightly then went back into the living room with the rest of the family. As far as everything going on in the family, I think the day went very well. Everyone was civil toward one another and everyone liked Emery. All in all, it seemed to be a very successful day.