I Fear I Might Break

I stared at the ceiling of my bunk.

I haven’t seen her in three day. All I've been doing for the past three days is sitting in my bunk and staring at the ceiling or performing.

My stomach grumbled.

I haven’t even eaten.

My hand ran over the various cuts and scabs on my arm. I didn't hide them for any of our performances. Our fans knew what was happening. I constantly updated the LiveJournal with my thoughts.

I wish Hayley knew. I wish she would let me explain.

Yells could be heard from the front part of the bus.

Our band is falling apart all because of stupid tabloids. They don't realize everything will blow over soon. I just don't have the heart to say it.

Damien's sobs could be heard heading to the bunk area.

It breaks my heart to hear him cry.

Heavy footsteps resonated through the bunks.

"Damien," Octave called.

Muffled sobs were his response. Curtains were pulled back.

"I'm sorry," my brother's voice carried to my ears.

"It's okay. I understand," Damien sniffled.

The sounds of Damien removing himself from his bunk could be heard. Their footsteps left from the area. I continued to stare at the ceiling.

"Sin," Mina yelled.

I sighed.

What do they need?

Hands pushed body out of the bunk and into a standing position. Feet brought body on wobbly legs to the front part of the bus. The rest of the band stood around clad in costumes.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Today is the Halloween party," Octave answered.

"Oh."

"Here's your costume," he threw a set of clothes at me.

I held it in front of me.

A purple seashell bra and an extremely short green skirt.

"What am I supposed to be?"

"Arial."

My heart ached at the sound of the name.

Why?

Octave tugged the hem of my shirt. I lifted my arms and he slipped it off me.

"You have to take this bra off so we can get this bra on," he stated, motioning to the two different bras.

"Okay. Snap the back of this one and I'll cover my chest with my arm. Then I'll put the purple bra on, and you hook it."

He did as I told him. Cold air hit my bare skin angrily, slipping around the shield of my arm. I positioned the seashell bra on my chest and Octave hooked the back together.

Why does this have no straps?

I slipped my pants off and pulled on the short skirt.

"I feel naked," I stated.

"You and I both," Octave stated.

I glanced over him.

All he's wearing is green shorts and a crown.

"And you are?" I asked.

"King Triton, bitch," he grabbed the plastic triton from the couch and waved it around.

I laughed and looked at the rest of the band. Mina was clad in the revealing Alice In Wonderland outfit from Spencer's. Edward had purple and pink stripped shorts on and his body was painted in pink and purple strips, a large smile painted on his face.

The Cheshire cat, I'm guessing.

Nurse wore one of the nurse outfits from Spencer's. Damien wore grey shorts and a red coat without a shirt, a heart painted on his chest. A gold, oversized clock dangled from his shorts. Fake glasses sat on his nose and white, rabbit ears contrasted greatly with his reddish brown hair.

"Who are you?" I asked him.

"That rabbit that's late for everything in Alice In Wonderland," he replied.

"Oh. I see it."

"I'm hot," he stated.

Nurse handed me a pair of green high heels. I slipped them on my feet.

"When is this party?" I asked.

"In about twenty minutes," Nurse replied, pulling out an eyeliner pencil and purple eye shadow.

She applied the eyeliner quickly and smudged the eye shadow over my eyes.

"Let's go," she said, leading the way off the bus.

We piled out after her. I trailed behind the group by a few steps.

I'm not in the mood for this party.

Octave slowed down, walking beside me.

"You know she's read your LiveJournal post," he said.

"Who?" I asked.

"Hayley."

"She has?"

"Yeah."

"What did she say about them?"

"I don't think she's ready to listen to you yet. She doesn't believe that you didn't want the kiss or that you don't have feelings for Crystal."

"She's never going to believe me."

"Give it time."

We approached the building the party was taking place in. Nurse opened the door stepping aside for us to enter. The ballroom was decorated in Halloween paraphernalia like inflatable pumpkins and fake skeletons. Tables were set up, labeled for each band or group of people. Damien ran from our group and through the mass of tables, screaming "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date" at the top of his lungs.

"I worry about him," Edward stated.

"How did you end up as the Cheshire cat? You never smile," I stated.

He shrugged. Damien stopped at one of the tables, smiling to himself. He began waving his arms in the air and jumping around.

"I think he found our table," Mina stated.

"Probably," Octave agreed.

Mina shrugged; then straightened her shoulders. "Mr. Rabbit. Oh, Mr. Rabbit," she called, running over to the table.

"I hope you don't expect me to act stupid," Edward said.

"If you don't, I'll hug you," Octave threatened.

Edward grumbled; then cleared his throat, "All the mimsy were the borogroves
And the momeraths outgrabe," he sang and skipped to the table.

"Why you're a cat," Mina exclaimed.

"Can you stand on your head?" he asked in return.

Edward attempted a head stand, collapsing on the ground within seconds. Octave and I laughed, walking to the table.

"Hey, you can't get away with not getting into character," Edward stated.

I took a breath and sang, "I want to be where the people are. I want to see, want to see them dancing."

"Arial," Octave bellowed.

Damien giggled. "You sound just like him."

We took our seats around the table. Nurse joined us, sitting next to Damien. Music poured from the speakers on the stage where the DJ was stationed. The lights were dim. Bodies could vaguely be seen sitting at the tables.

I wonder where Hayley is.

Squinting, I scanned the mild darkness. They stopped on a figure with fiery red hair and a tattered, red dress with wings.

Is she a fairy?

I stared at her, willing her to glance in my direction.

She's a red fairy.

Her head turned to our table, eyes landing on me. A weary smile landed on my face. I gave a small wave. She snapped her head in the opposite direction.

Well I guess she still hates me.

"Go talk to her," Octave said.

"There is no way I'm doing that," I said.

"Just do it. Maybe she'll listen to you now."

"Fine but if I get the cold shoulder I'm leaving," I stood.

Octave nodded. I turned and walked to Hayley's table.

"Hey," I whispered.

She kept her head turned in the opposite direction.

"Hayley," I said louder.

"Hey, Zac, do you hear something?" Hayley asked her band mate.

My heart shattered. Tears slipped from my eyes. I didn't try to stop them. I shook my head, turned, and walked from the party area.

There's no way I'm staying where I'm not wanted. I'll just go sleep on the bus.