I Fear I Might Break

My brain drifted out of sleep and into the waking world. An unsuppressed groan met the silence of the bus. I pushed myself out of my bunk and walked to the main section of the bus. The rest of the band sat scattered around the area.

"Hey, guys," I said, collapsing on the couch.

Various "hey"s were my response.

"Where are we headed?" I asked.

"Hotel. We have an off day from performing," Mina answered.

I nodded.

"So you left early last night," Octave stated.

"I know," I replied.

"Why?"

"Hayley. I shouldn't have tried talking to her."

"Sin, you can't just sit here and hope she'll eventually come around. You may as well move on."

I stayed quiet.

There is no way I'm moving on. But he's right; I can't just sit here and do nothing.[/i[

"You know what, I'm going to get her back," I stated.

"How?" he asked.

"Give me a phone and the laptop."

He handed me his phone. Nurse passed me the laptop. I turned it on and began searching for an online phone book.

"Watch out. Sin's a girl on a mission," Damien.

Damn straight.

I stared at the screen, searching for the right place.

Cupid's Arrow: Valentine Delivery. Perfect.

Fingers flew over the keys of Octave's phone. The green call button was clicked. I placed the phone to my ear. It rang a few times.

"Thank you for calling Cupid's Arrow. How may I help you?" a woman on the other end of the phone asked.

"I know it's no where near Valentine's Day but I was wondering if you could still do a delivery," I said.

Please say yes.

"Of course. Where does your delivery need to go?"

I told her the address of the hotel and Hayley's room number.

It’s a good thing she has her own room.

"Alright. What do you need delivered?" the woman asked.

"Can you do a petal and flower arrangement in the room?"

"As long as the hotel gives us the key. What type of arrangement do you need?"

"Red, rose petals and red roses. Put a dozen roses on the pillow, the night stand and in front of the door in a vase. Scatter the petals however looks best," I instructed.

"Anything else?"

"Could you place a heart-shaped box of milk chocolate on the bed?" I asked.

"Sure thing. What would you like your note to say?"

"'I'm sorry. Give me another chance? Love, Arial.' And could you put the note on the set of flowers in front of the door?"

"Okay. It should be put together within the next hour."

"Awesome."

She told me the price and I gave her my credit card information. I hung up the phone, feeling relatively satisfied.

"Being bold by using 'love' in your note," Octave stated, smirking.

"I'm not even finished yet. Where's the video camera?" I asked.

"Why?" he asked.

"I'm going to make a video, duh."

"It's over here," Nurse said, holding up.

"I need someone to film."

"I'll do it," Mina stood and grabbed the camera. "What am I filming?"

"Me. I'm about to pull a public apology."

"Are you making this up as you go?" Octave asked.

"Pretty much," I answered. I tuned to Mina, "Okay, I'll tell you when to start recording."

She nodded.

"You're doing it right here?" asked Edward.

"Yeah," I answered.

He shook his head and continued watching my plan unfold.

"Okay, now," I told Mina.

She clicked a button on the video camera. The red light went on in the front.

"Hey, everyone, its Sin St. James from Asylum Inc.," I started.

"Like they can't tell," Octave mumbled.

"Shut up, Octave. Anyway, I just wanted to update you guys through video. I mentioned how Hayley Williams saw my ex-girlfriend kiss me and how she hates me now. I really like Hayley and her not talking to me is tearing me apart; inside and out," I chuckled at my joke, holding my wounded arms up. "I hope that she'll give me the chance to explain. I understand if she doesn't. It's just, I fucking like her more than I've liked anyone else. She makes the stereotypical butterflies swarm in my stomach. Her touch is electric. I want her back."

Lungs took a deep breath.

"Well, I guess this part is more for her than anything. I just want to say, Hayley, I'm so sorry. I didn't want her to kiss me. I don't have feelings for her, I promise. Please, don't hate me for something I couldn't control. Life is dull and almost meaningless without you. Please talk to me."

I paused.

"That's all I have to say. Thanks for watching everyone. Mina, end it," I said.

She pressed another button. The red light went out.

"Now to upload it to our YouTube account," I said to myself.

Mina handed me the video camera and a bag full of wires.

Which one hooks it to the computer?

"You're just going to upload it to our YouTube?" asked Damien, "I'm pretty sure she won't see it there."

"No, not just YouTube," I replied, searching through the bag.

I just need to figure out where to put it so she'll see it.

I pulled the needed wire from the bag in triumph. One end went in the camera; the other was put in the computer. The computer downloaded the video, saving it to the necessary files. I pulled up YouTube, signed onto our band account and instructed it to upload the video as well. The site started its slow process to downloading the video. I opened the band's LiveJournal, MySpace, and website.

I'll post the video there when it's done uploading... but what if she doesn't see it?

"Hey, Nurse, do you know how to get into our label's website and YouTube account? Oh, and the official tour site," I asked.

"Yeah, why?" she answered.

"I need to post the video there," I stated.

She stared at me skeptically but told me how to access the requested sites. The video finished uploading on our YouTube account. I pulled up the label's YouTube and instructed it to download the video as well. While it was going through its slow downloading process, I posted the video on our band's LiveJournal, MySpace, and website. I exited out of each of those and waited for YouTube to finish uploading.

Where else can I put it for her to see it?

Teeth chewed on lip in thought.

Their MySpace.

The video completed uploading. I embedded it into the label website and the tour site. I pulled up Paramore's MySpace through our MySpace.

She is sure hell going to see the fucking video.

The video was embedded in comment form from YouTube. I smiled to myself and closed the laptop.

Hayley will be mine. Just wait.

"Are we there yet?" Damien asked.

"Ten more minutes, Damien," Nurse replied.

"That's forever," he exclaimed.

"Did you eat today?" Nurse asked.

He stayed silent.

"Eat something," she commanded.

"I'm not hungry," he replied like a defiant child.

"Eat," Nurse growled.

He huffed, "Fine."

He walked to the kitchen area and searched through the various cabinets. Mina groaned from her place on the floor.

"I need a beer," she yelled.

"No, you don't," Nurse replied.

Mina rolled her eyes.

"You know, for once, I don't need a fix," Octave marveled.

"Good for you. Maybe the tabloids will get off your fucking back now," Mina snapped.

"You don't need to be a bitch," Octave said.

"Well you—," Mina started.

I cut her off. "Guys," I yelled.

They turned their attention to me.

"We can't let these tabloids get to us. Everything will blow over soon. This gossip can't last forever," I stated.

I had to say it.

"Sin's giving advice that's actually good. Something's wrong. Oh my gosh, is our bus going to explode?" Damien asked.

"Nothing's wrong. I realized there's no point in fretting over things. If people are talking shit, they'll eventually forget. Things happen. Big deal. Live life to the fullest and screw hurting yourself over anything," I said.

"Aw, Sin's grown up," Edward teased.

"Is this all because of Hayley?" asked Octave.

"Partially. I've had a lot of time to think," I answered.

"Well, I like the change," Octave replied.

"Me too," I said.

It's nice not to mope.

"You know what I like? Cake," Damien cut in.

We turned to face him. He had a chocolate cake balanced in one hand on a plate and a fork in the other.

"What? Am I looking super sexy today?" he asked, noticing our attention on him.

"Of course, Damien. I just want to jump your bones," Edward replied dryly.

"I knew it," Damien exclaimed, digging the fork into the cake and shoving it in his mouth. "This shit is good," he yelled.

He's eating a sugar-filled substance. Get me off this bus.