You're Everything I Need

I decided not to bring up Ryan’s bit of roughness unless it got out of hand. Whenever I tried to talk to him, he distracted me easily. I knew he was avoiding the issue, and I wasn’t going to force him to talk about it. Nothing serious had happened. So he bit my ear a little too hard. So what? It happens.

It was a week after I had tried to talk to Ryan and I was on my way to his house as I usually did at this time. Ryan must have been waiting for me because before I could even knock on the front door of his house, he had already opened the door and was pulling me roughly into his house. Before I could even react, I was being shoved hard into the now closed door and Ryan was pressing himself against me. His lips met mine in a rough kiss and he forced his tongue into my mouth. He pulled away a little only to shove me into the door again.

I couldn’t say that I wasn’t enjoying this. I actually did miss this roughness and passion that we used to share, but we just couldn’t do this. I couldn’t let Ryan get hurt again like he had before.

I grabbed a hold of Ryan’s arms and pushed him away.

“Ryan, stop,” I said. Ryan didn’t listen as he tried to fight the hold I had on his arms. “Stop, Ryan!”

He stopped trying to fight me. I didn’t let go of him as he stared at me for a moment before smirking.

“Hit me,” he said.

“I’m not going to hit you Ryan,” I said. He moved closer to me slowly and I let him. He put his mouth next to my ear and I could feel his hot breath hitting my ear.

“Please hit me,” he whined. “I want you to hit me.”

I almost gave in. But then I pictured Ryan lying on his bathroom floor. I pictured his blood—covering my hands and my clothes. I pictured Ryan in the hospital bed, in a coma, because of me.

“No,” I said with force as I pushed him away. His eyes met mine and I couldn’t help but notice the flicker of anger in them. “No.”

“Why?” he asked, anger evident now in his voice.

“Because Ryan,” I said. “I don’t want to hurt you like I did before. You don’t know how much it hurt me to see you in that hospital bed and know that I was the one that put you there. I don’t want to go through that again.”

“You won’t,” Ryan said. “I know you won’t.”

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I said. Nothing he could say would change my mind.

“You’re not going to hurt me though!” he said, his voice rising. “It feels good. I just want you to hit me.”

“Well, I’m not going to so stop trying to get me to hit you,” I said. I watched as Ryan’s jaw tightened and his eyes hardened with anger.

“Then you can leave,” Ryan said. “You’re no use to me.”

“You don’t mean that,” I said.

“But I do,” Ryan said. “Now leave.”

I felt my own features harden with anger. There was hurt somewhere in there, as well. But I wouldn’t feel that until later.

I left.