You're Everything I Need

“Brendon?” Ryan’s voice sounded small on the phone.

“Yeah?” I said. I was still feeling hurt from Ryan kicking me out of his house yesterday.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he said quietly. “I just—it’s hard to break old habits.”

“I know,” I said. “This is just as difficult for me as it is for you.”

“Well, how do you restrain yourself?” Ryan asked.

“I just picture you in the hospital,” I said. “I don’t ever want to do that to you again.”

Ryan sighed on the other end of the phone.

“Can’t we at least just hit each other or something?” Ryan said. “At least have a few bruises?”

“I want to say yes, Ryan. I really do,” I said. “But I know we’ll want more and more, and I don’t want to repeat what’s already happened.”

Another sigh from Ryan.

“Fine,” he said, sounding slightly annoyed. “Can I see you today?”

“I have to study for a test,” I said. “Can I come over tomorrow after school?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, definitely sounding annoyed. “Come whenever you’re free.”

I heard a click and knew Ryan had hung up on me. I couldn’t understand why Ryan seemed to be constantly annoyed with me… Well, I’m sure it had to do with the fact that I wouldn’t hurt him. When I thought about it, we really had a weird relationship.

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I had been standing on Ryan’s front porch the next day for several minutes after knocking on his door before he finally opened it.

“Took you long enough,” I said jokingly. Ryan didn’t smile. “Well? Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said stepping back. I entered his house and he shut the door. We stood there for a moment in silence before I decided to say something.

“Why are you acting like this?” I asked. “Are you actually mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you,” Ryan said.

“Well you’re sure acting like it,” I replied. “You see, the thing I don’t understand is that you didn’t even want to jump back into our relationship after you got out of the hospital because you were afraid I was going to hurt you again. And now that I won’t hurt you, you’re pushing me away. I just don’t understand it. What do you want me to do?”

“I want things to be how they used to be,” Ryan said. “Before I had to go to hospital. I don’t understand why you won’t just hit me—I know you want to. And I know you want me to hit you.”

Ryan came towards me quickly and pushed me hard into the nearest wall. He pressed his body against mine, his face directly in front of mine.

“When’s the last time you had a good bruise?” Ryan asked huskily. He moved quickly, pressing his lips to mine roughly. He took my bottom lip between his teeth, biting it gently as his fingers dug into my hips. I let out a groan as he pressed his own hips into mine more—I could already feel his growing erection.

Then suddenly Ryan was taking a step away from me and all I wanted was to pull him back to me.

“Hit me,” Ryan said quietly. It took me a moment to register what he was saying.

“No,” I said.

“Hit me!” Ryan said loudly.

“No,” I said more firmly. Without warning, Ryan’s fist collided with my face.

“Hit me,” Ryan said. My hand touched where Ryan had hit me. I hadn’t been hit in a while, and I savored the satisfying feeling of pain—But I wasn’t giving in.

“I’m not going to hit you, Ryan,” I said. I took a step towards the door to leave his house. “Call me when you decide that our relationship is more important than a few bruises.”