You're Everything I Need

I had been laying low while Ryan was in the hospital. I had moved out of the Ross’ home quickly, and was now staying at Spencer’s. He was the only one that believed me that Ryan had liked all of those injuries.

The police weren’t looking for me, which was good. I knew that that was because Mrs. Ross hadn’t told them that I was the one that had harmed her son. But I knew that if she saw me—anywhere—she would not hesitate at all in handing me over to the police.

I had given up on religion a few years ago, when my father had started punishing me. But now I was finding I needed it so much. I prayed—actually prayed—that Ryan would come out of his coma. That we would be able to be together again. But I’d wait. Because it was all I could do. And I had never loved someone as much as I loved Ryan.

Every day, Spencer and I would go sit in the hospital parking lot after school just watching. Watching to see if Ryan’s mom left at all. Ryan’s father rarely made an appearance. He was back at work. No surprise there. But I really appreciated Spencer. He understood that Ryan was very important to me. And he was more than willing to help me out. And for that I was grateful. I told Spencer that if he ever needed anything from me, to not hesitate to ask. I owed him everything.

Somehow, I had a feeling that even if Ryan came out of his coma, his parents (well, his mom) wouldn’t allow him to see me. But I hoped that we’d plan some way of seeing each other. And I knew that Ryan was too far behind in school now to graduate this year. So we would be senior’s together. I smiled at the thought. Graduating with Ryan. At least we’d have school together.

I sighed as I lay down on the mattress I slept on in Spencer’s room. Spencer was out. I didn’t know what he was doing. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, picturing Ryan. I closed my eyes. All I thought about was Ryan. Even when I was asleep. I’d have dreams—and nightmares. Those were the worst. They’d wake me up, and I’d be crying. Spence would wake up as well, telling me that everything was going to be ok. But with each nightmare I got, I couldn’t help but think, what if…?

As much as I didn’t want to, I had to prepare myself for something bad to happen. There was always that lingering possibility that Ryan wouldn’t pull out of this coma. And if that happened, I didn’t know what I would do. How I would live. Ryan was everything that I needed and wanted. There was no possible way that I could find someone else. I always tried my best to stay positive. But on the inside, the longer I was without Ryan, I was slowly falling apart on the inside.