Killer

my mom was fifteen and a half when I killed her. I was 0. it was the first thing I did, before my first word, or step, maybe even breath. I killed her, and she was only 15 and a half.

I learned to live with it though, I've almost out lived her and am now 15 and a half, and my dad was engaged to a woman who was only 26 named Connie, and she does a good job of serving as my mother, and always knew how to cheer me up, when josh and I broke up for the fifth time in two months, when Lily and I fight, and the small amount of grief I have at night on my birthday about what my mom would be doing right then if I didn't kill her.

But this, it was different. I knew Becky. she was my best friend, and I killed her. and could have stopped it, and the guilt of pretending I dint put her in front of the wheel when she was drunk, and pretended we just got in a freak accident made the matter even worse. SO bad, ice cream chocolate, and frosting have only made it worse.

"Babe, you haven't even touched your soup." Connie noticed.
"I don't care." I replied coldly.
"Its going to be alright, honey, there was nothing you could do about it, it was just a freak accident. Relay, its going to be alright." she tried, but only made it worse could she have thought of something worse to say?
"No! NO its not going to be okay!" I shouted.
"Come on honey," she started.
"Don't honey me. Your not my mother" I said, shocked by my own words, and left the table Connie's homemade chicken soup untouched.

I locked my self in my room, and did something I don't remember ever doing. I cried, I bawled, For all the times any normal teen would cry, for all the birthdays my mom should have been there, for all the guilt building up inside of me, for just basically telling my step mom I hated her, everything, it all came out in the tears. And the tears put me to sleep.

"Kat, do we really have to go?" I remember Becky longing to stay home and watch movies.
"Come on Beck’s!" I was urging her to go.
"Fine, but next week its movies" she finally agreed.

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We were dancing, me with josh her with mike. She sat down her drink, I saw somebody spike it. She drinks it. We still dance.

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Somebody brings in tons of stolen beers. She drinks two I drink one.

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Time to go. She tells me to drive, I tell her to. She does.

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A few days later, were found. Me with a few scratches. her- dead.

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"Get her water" I hear Connie screaming, and panicking, its to warm for January, I am sweating madly, and my throat is dry. I try to muster up some words but I cant, I go back to sleep.

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"Fine but movies next week" I hear Becky's voice.

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I wake up again, this time I hear the screams coming from me. Connie's trying to sooth me while screaming for more water and panicking. I try not to sleep again. I do.

"I guess we cant watch movies" I hear Becky's voice. I know she never said that. I know I am going crazy.

I hear the screams. I hear the panics, I hear the worry in Connie's voice. I feel my arms, moving up to my neck.

"You knew I was drunk" it was Becky's voice.

My hands are on my neck now. Connie’s are trying to take them off, but not with success. They are squeezing my neck.

"You killed me, Kat" it was Becky again. "And I'll do the same for you"

Somewhere in the distance my hands were trying to be pulled away from my neck, water was being poured on to my forehead and my dad and Connie were trying to save me, but I wasn’t there. I was hiding in my head screaming to not kill me, and that it was the biggest mistake of my life. But Becky never heard me.

My mother was fifteen and a half when I killed her.
Becky was fifteen and a half when I killed her.
I was fifteen and a half when I killed my self.